Posts by mentalclarity

51

Help Elders poking nose in

by Formerbrother in

jw
friends

what can i do when elders want to poke their nose in?.

they want to have another chat with me and my wife, but we dont want to, it just gets us down..

I feel like you have to be outright rude sometimes with people who don't get the point. I can see how this might be hard but it's actually a great skill to have because some people out there just don't get the hint/or are downright assholes.

"Thanks, we'll call you if we feel the need to talk to you" and literally walk away (my elders came hounding to the door). Or hang up the phone. It really is easy once you give up that need to be nice.

I actually have long discussions with my children about the need to be rude (firm/assertive) sometimes, especially my daughter - sounds counter-intuitive as a parent but it's really not.

35

How do you deal with people who do not like you?

by usualusername1 in

jw
friends

hi guysin the last year i have started to socialise a lot more.

namely comedy and a tennis social club.. for a variety of reasons i find socialising tough.

in my tennis club a couple of women have been extremely rude to me and i have blocked one from my phone and refuse to speak to both.. is my behaviour extreme?paul.

mentalclarity

If someone seems not to like me I just figure I'm not their cup of tea. We all have people we mesh well with and others we don't. I just move on to someone that i can connect well with.

However, I would say if you find that many people are having an adverse reaction to you and it's not just isolated incidents, maybe you should take a look at that and see if you are inadvertently doing/saying things to have that type of reaction. Sometimes we carry behaviors that we're unaware of that push people away. If you're really brave and are ok with some constructive criticism you could always ask directly if you've done something to warrant that reaction in them. You might gain some insight, but again it really depends on context.

I don't know about blocking people- personally, I find that whole "you're dead to me" approach very reminiscent of JWs. Unless there was some sort of abuse or it was very detrimental to my well being, I'd just ignore them and not do anything at all. Sometimes having any type of reaction to something just gives it more power. Just my two cents...

6

Questions To Ask JWs Who Are Shunning Their Relatives

by Teufel in

would you sacrifice your child to gain immortality?.

follow up with: but this is exactly what you're doing.

you hope to live forever, and are willing to cut off your own children forever in order to gain that prize.. if they say they worship god because he's their creator or because they love him:.

mentalclarity

What would happen if your loved one never comes back and then you realize it was all a sham (when Armageddon doesn't come after so many years) and you realize you lost so many years to a lie?

And then I'd follow up with how I've been waiting for the end (that's just around the corner, right?) for over 40 years.

41

suicide

by zeb in

jw
friends

who among us has known a jw who has committed suicide.

i believe this as a separate subject has not been covered..

mentalclarity

Two - one was kind of a big deal in the JW world. No one but family knew it was a suicide.

The other was a guy I knew from my hall that had been df'ed for some time. Not sure what happened there.

I know of multiple failed suicide attempts. At least 4 right off the top of my head.

@stuckinarut that must have been absolutely horrible for that teen's parents.

28

Crooked Teeth

by Introvert 2 in

well 55 yo this summer times flies.. was in my late thirties when i started thinking about getting braces or some other treatment for my crowded teeth.

decided to put it off a few years later as 'the new system' ™ was right around the corner.

then went through a huge burn out depression and my teeth became a lesser priority.

mentalclarity

I was going to suggest Invisalign but Sanchy beat me to it! I haven't had them myself but that's a nice alternative!

Do some comparison shopping. I found when trying to find braces for my kids there were huge price differences ($500-$1000).

I wore braces as a teen - paid for them myself with my job. I'm so happy I did! Never underestimate how much it effects your self-confidence to be able to smile freely without being self conscious. I made sure all my kiddos got braces early on.

It's never too late to do things that improve your self confidence.

17

Wifes parents are in a bad way.

by blownaway in

my wife's parents are in a bad way.

she went to visit and her mother has alzheimer and father has a hart condition.

they are jws and he quit his job at gm many years ago for 1975. he moved to where the need was great to wait for the end.

mentalclarity

You might want to find out about resources in their community that help the elderly. I know in the state i live in there is an agency dedicated to issues with elderly people and it's great. Someone in my family got alot of help with their elderly parent this way. It's worth a shot!

40

This probably sounds uppity. I'm saying it anyhow

by stillin in

jw
friends

has anybody else noticed a pattern that is here among us outcasts?

there seems to be, on average, a higher level of intelligence here than there is at the kingdom hall.

actually, intelligent conversation seems to be looked down upon among the witnesses.. also, the simple language skills found here seem to be above average compared to those among the witnesses.

mentalclarity

I know some very smart JWs- some professionals and some not, but very bright, well-spoken individuals. I guess I'd also have to ask what you mean by "intelligence". I've met people without any formal education who are exceptionally quick and avid learners. They might not be book smart but they make up for it in streets smart and common sense. I also know people with Phds who lack common sense.

There are alot of members on this forum but few actually post- maybe the ones that post are those that are more confident in their writing skills and find it easy to express themselves that way.

I'm sure there are many reasons JWs wake up, but I think those that are "curious" maybe have an advantage. Those who are naturally inquisitive and ask a lot of questions.

32

CO working at Walmart

by the girl next door in

it just took me by surprise.

i remember him from a decade or so ago.

he came up with gems like, “weddings are for women, they are not necessary.” also, “if you want to be truly happy, marry an ugly woman.”.

mentalclarity

I think this is really sad.

I don't think being a CO was such a great job. Even for those who were power hungry or whatever. It was probably alot of sacrifice - always having to be happy and encouraging no matter what/eating the food people prepared (which could be anything- especially if you are abroad). Traveling around. There was a mix of personalities for sure, but the job itself wasn't great and it just makes me incredibly sad that this is the end result. I mean, this isn't a person who didn't work-they just worked in something that turned out to be completely worthless. I just think that's a little heartbreaking.

111

Is he interested?

by Sunnybear in

i met a wonderful man on match.com several months ago.

on our first date, there was amazing chemistry and we ended up having sex.

it was not planned, it just happened.

mentalclarity

" I don't want to ruin what we have by making this a relationship."

That is your answer. Now, you have a couple of options. Keep on enjoying the way it is with no hope or expectation that things will change or let this relationship go. Everything else is just "fluff".

26

Im Writing An Ex-JW Self Help Book

by pale.emperor in

we all know waking up from the cult and trying to leave is a very scary and life changing experience.

for many it's traumatic and few find the transition easy.

we have to deal with families cutting us off entirely or keeping us at arms length at best, lies being told about us by the organization, ex members gossiping about us and finding ourselves in a world very different from what we're prepared for.. for this reason, i've decided to start writing a self-help book informing jws of what to expect when they leave the org.

mentalclarity

Love the Wide Awake title!

Very cool idea - sounds alot more practical/pragmatic and less memoir than the books out there from former members.

Yeah, people have to demonize you to justify their harsh treatment. It actually proves they know they are doing something wrong and feel guilty about it. The more guilt-the more need to justify their wrong behavior.