Posts by mentalclarity

65

I'm afraid I'd be single for life

by ohnightdivine in

this is quite embarrassing for me to share, but as a 30+ year old single female i have lingering doubts as to whether i can still meet a decent man and get married.. you all know how difficult it is for sisters to find an appropriate partner in the congregation.. and now, all the more so that i've learned ttatt.

i still am bound by low self-esteem, and i do have trust issues, especially with men.

i am very lonely and so i just keep myself busy with work to avoid depression (although it is also a great source of stress).. any other single females out there having similar thoughts?.

mentalclarity

I kind of find it ironic my single friends long to be married and alot of my married friends look at the single ones with envy.

Try to enjoy where you are at now. If you're single it means you can make decisions without consulting with anyone. You can do exactly what you'd like to do. You can have a wide variety of friends and always be open to meeting someone new.

Being in a relationship is great too - don't get me wrong. But there are pros and cons to each one.

I had a single friend who had been waiting to buy a house until she had found a partner. Well, after a while she decided to just buy the house by herself and stop waiting around for a "man" to start living her life. She actually is dating her swing dance teacher now.

Go out and enjoy life (wherever you're at in the relationship category). A partner will just compliment a happy life.

12

Advice on my JW Mother

by InjusticeSystem in

i need the advice of those of you who are exjw's on what to do about my still in mother.

briefly, here's the situation: i am a born-in, never got baptised (thank the fsm), became an athiest about 2015 but haven't come out to anyone but my wife and some trusted friends.

my mother was raised in the society and is a true believer, but was never as strict about it as some parents are when i was growing up.

mentalclarity

I can totally relate. I stick to general topics with my mom. She shares alot of her life which inevitably is filled with JW stuff and I just stay quiet or change the subject.

However, one thing I recommend is to develop some sort of "mom" relationship with someone else. I have a few older female friends who are kind of like my substitute moms. I realized my mom and I were never really going to have a super close/deep relationship thanks to her beliefs and I still needed that so my older friends are the ones I invite to my kids birthdays or ask advice on life or share all my personal things with. That's helped me to not feel resentful towards my mom. She just really can't give me the relationship I need as a daughter. But there are plenty of women who would love a substitute "daughter". I get to call my friends on their birthdays and mothers day and am so appreciative of their love and attention. They probably like me more than their own kids..haha.

30

I sent off my application to study Palaeobiology (MSc) at Bristol uni and ...

by LoveUniHateExams in

jw
friends

... they've accepted me!

finance is already sorted - they're waiting for me to give them my new student number so that they can start paying me.

just need to formally accept bristol's offer and sort out accommodation.. accommodation should be ok - i've been told priority is given to new students, plus i'm enrolling onto a program for a real degree as a postgraduate - i won't be studying gender studies or some crap like that.

mentalclarity

That's amazing! Congrats!

61

Suicides

by new boy in

jw
friends

i have been on the phone the last to two weeks calling people i've known over the last forty years most of who are still jehovah's witnesses.

some of these people who didn't know i was "out" talked to me and some who knew i was "out" still talked to me.

some of the those people are even elders.. by book new boy will be dedicated to all the people who have killed themselves because of being a jehovah's witness or knowing others who were jehovah's witnesses.

mentalclarity

@scruffmcbuff You could just make a general dedication without putting specific names.

I know someone in my extended family who committed suicide and he was a well known JW. I don't think most were aware he died of suicide. I think it would just bring more pain to his family if his name was published in a book dedicated to suicide victims and I don't know if it was the organization or other issues that made him do that.

61

Suicides

by new boy in

jw
friends

i have been on the phone the last to two weeks calling people i've known over the last forty years most of who are still jehovah's witnesses.

some of these people who didn't know i was "out" talked to me and some who knew i was "out" still talked to me.

some of the those people are even elders.. by book new boy will be dedicated to all the people who have killed themselves because of being a jehovah's witness or knowing others who were jehovah's witnesses.

mentalclarity

Suicide is a very touchy subject (jws and non jws alike) and frankly I find it a little disturbing that you would feel so comfortable publishing names of people you don't even know or who have not given you permission to disclose their info. The least you could do, out of common decency and respect, is change the names.

8

Just saw the film, "Apostasy"

by Bad_Wolf in

it was a very good film but not fully what i was expecting.

a jw could even watch it, i don't think the title fit the movie.

there was absolutely nothing about apostasy, nor do i recall the word even being mentioned.

mentalclarity

Part of the weird feeling was thinking to myself..was that me? Was that how I sounded when I would talk about the "new system" or the "organization". I mean it was pretty run of the mill JW stuff. There wasn't anything over the top and yet it was kind of humbling to think that I was actually a part of that at one time.

8

Just saw the film, "Apostasy"

by Bad_Wolf in

it was a very good film but not fully what i was expecting.

a jw could even watch it, i don't think the title fit the movie.

there was absolutely nothing about apostasy, nor do i recall the word even being mentioned.

mentalclarity

I also just watched this and felt that it's portrayal of JW life was spot on. The only thing is that there was little context and background info, I think, for a non-jw to understand the film.

The really funny thing is when I watched it I had this realization of how actually creepy and weird the JW religion is if you are a person looking at it from the outside. I guess i'm so used to the crazy that it doesn't really phase me. But this film allowed me to be a spectator (and now I'm not a participant obviously) which gives a very unique perspective. Kind of like how it would be if I would walk into a meeting again after 10 years. Very cringy.

8

For those who is asking can you have a relationship with God with out the Org

by Alex Bogdanov in

jw
friends

hi everyone, sorry i didn't write or participate here for a while.

my second child was born.

i took time of work.

mentalclarity

People all over the world pray and have a deep relationship with God- why JW's are so arrogant as to think they are the only ones who could possibly have that is beyond me.

I also kept my faith in God after leaving. JW's are so black and white in their thinking. It's either you are a JW or God doesn't want you.

One of the worst things that JWs have done is convince people think that they can't have a relationship with God after they leave. I mean, if that's your choice-totally ok. But if you feel like you aren't worthy because you aren't going to some incredibly banal meetings, that's another ballgame. I really feel for those ex JWs. The ones that don't pray because they feel guilty.

I've never felt more at peace with myself and my spirituality as now that I am outside the organization.

40

First time

by Deke in

good evening all, this is my first time posting.. been reading and following for two years.

my story will come soon.... but i want to say to all, thanks for all the meaningful, intellectual, honest, and insightful words!!

it’s been an interesting 48 years of service to an organization!

mentalclarity

Thanks for posting! Gives me some hope for family still in....

24

Forgiveness

by Freedom rocks in

if someone does the same things over and over again and says sorry and then does it again and you point out that their apologies don't mean anything anymore, then they accuse you of not being forgiving enough, who is in the wrong?

(i mean as in constantly over a long period of time).

im trying to work out whether it was just part of the persons mental/ emotional manipulation tactics or whether i have the wrong view and i'm not forgiving enough.

mentalclarity

There's a difference between forgiveness and putting yourself in the same situation to be mistreated again.

Raised as JW guilt was used ALOT to motivate us into doing things. It's taken me a while to figure out if I really want to do something or not and make peace that sometimes I do feel a little residual guilt for not going along with someone else's idea of what I should be doing. But that's gotten way less intense and the more I stick up for myself the less I need to forgive anything because there are fewer times I feel taken advantage of.