Posts by mentalclarity

20

The "anger" of EX- Jehovah's Witnesses

by Not_Culty in

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mentalclarity

Anger is just a feeling. It can indicate something is wrong. It can motivate you to make changes. It's all about what you do with it that matters.

Personally I used my anger to work really hard, go to school, raise my kids as non jws. That seemed more productive than trying to get my family out or going against the elders, organization as an entity. I just didn't even have time for that, and because I finally was improving my own life and not dedicating more time and energy to a crazy religion, my anger subsided.

Some here have felt motivated to work with others and bring awareness or change legislation etc. In the end we all have to figure it out for ourselves and although we were once JWs are circumstances are so unique and individual. For example, I was never sexually abused as a JW. I probably would have a completely different outlook towards JWs if I had been. That's the problem with generalizing all ex jws. It strips us of our individuality just like being a JW did.

39

What Are The Differences Between JWs Born In and Converted?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i tend to think that many jws who joined the religion in their later years feel foolish or are embarrassed by their decision to become one of jehovah’s witnesses.

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i’m not embarrassed by my years “in the truth “ because i was raised from infancy to believe everything was god’s word and who are we to question jehovah and his organization?

mentalclarity

The main difference is choice. Born ins get raised in it, usually getting baptized pretty young and then as an adult might have doubts if they have enough exposure to the real world. As a third generation witness with no non-jw family, it was all I knew until I got older.

I'm not really sure how adults get suckered in, but at least they got to choose to join.

43

A Cult Tactic: Removing Guilt By Dehumanising Others

by pale.emperor in

in the real world, very few parents would disown their own children simply because they read a magazine that told them to do it.

very few people would forever completely ignore their own parents because an elder got up on a platform one day and announced that they no longer follow the same religion as you.. in the real world it just doesn't happen.

and yet, for 8 million jehovah's witnesses it's very a normal part of their world to treat "other people" differently than they'd treat each other.

mentalclarity

Hannah Arendt's book on the Eichmann trials is pretty insightful on how ordinary people can commit atrocious crimes. It's because they follow orders and are able to distance themselves from their own moral values. They are just fulfilling their duty and unable to think reflectively for themselves. That type of behavior reminds me alot of the witnesses. Especially if you think about how moving up in the rank and file depends so heavily on adherence to the JW "rules".

I don't think my family shuns me because they see me as evil. I honestly believe they are just following orders and ignore any type of remorse or feelings of guilt because they justify they are fulfilling their duties as Christians adhering to bible principles and that's where the cognitive dissonance kicks in.

43

A Cult Tactic: Removing Guilt By Dehumanising Others

by pale.emperor in

in the real world, very few parents would disown their own children simply because they read a magazine that told them to do it.

very few people would forever completely ignore their own parents because an elder got up on a platform one day and announced that they no longer follow the same religion as you.. in the real world it just doesn't happen.

and yet, for 8 million jehovah's witnesses it's very a normal part of their world to treat "other people" differently than they'd treat each other.

mentalclarity

There are all kinds of scenarios I can think of in the real world where people "shun" their family members. Lots of high control groups- orthodox jews, mormons, amish, muslim, etc. What about families who disagree with a family member being gay or dating someone of a different race? And that's in the "real world".

I thought when it said "dehumanizing" in the post you were going to write about prisons, monasteries, and institutions that actually strip away at individuality by shaving heads, giving uniforms, rigid routines, etc like what was done in the holocaust. I just don't really see the correlation here, sorry.

11

Regional JW "Culture" - Did you experience any differences that surprised you?

by Diogenesister in

so this particular comment on another topic got me thinking about "regional" jw cultures.

things that were acceptable in one area you lived in, that were absolutely verboten in the jw hall/circuit you perhaps grew up in etc.

never met jws that cared if people played chess, and i knew a number of people who did play chess.

mentalclarity

It makes a huge difference where your congregation is located and the body of elders you happen to have.

In Latin america, depending on where you ended up things could be super lax. Lots of parties/drinking/people dating non witnesses/going to bars and nightclubs. But then they were crazy about demon type stuff- like watching japanese anime cartoons.

Here in the US, I've been in congregations that were so strict and it seemed like the elders wanted to see everyone df'ed for all kinds of things. I remember being called into a committee meeting for gossiping as a teen.

I guess each region has its priorities....;.

38

A question for you women; what was it really like for you being in the Org?

by Tallon in

hi there folks.. i took a bit of time out from the forum, however i'm back again.. what was it really like for you, your experiences good or bad, etc, in the org?.

if you were granted a listening ear by the gb, what changes would you like to see implemented?.

mentalclarity

There really is no place for you if you are an intelligent woman. Your future is either marrying (a ministerial servant or elder preferably) or becoming a pioneer.

None of these paths appealed to me. If you happened to be in a spanish congregation it was 100% worse. We had people who had gotten married at 16 or 17 in their home country so you can imagine the matchmaking and searching for a good christian wife that was going on as soon as someone was in their teens. Every assembly was like a meat market. Someone actually came up to my mom and asked if I knew how to cook. I was 18.

There literally was no place for you if you actually had a brain and were a girl unless you dumbed yourself down. Alot.

65

I'm afraid I'd be single for life

by ohnightdivine in

this is quite embarrassing for me to share, but as a 30+ year old single female i have lingering doubts as to whether i can still meet a decent man and get married.. you all know how difficult it is for sisters to find an appropriate partner in the congregation.. and now, all the more so that i've learned ttatt.

i still am bound by low self-esteem, and i do have trust issues, especially with men.

i am very lonely and so i just keep myself busy with work to avoid depression (although it is also a great source of stress).. any other single females out there having similar thoughts?.

mentalclarity

I kind of find it ironic my single friends long to be married and alot of my married friends look at the single ones with envy.

Try to enjoy where you are at now. If you're single it means you can make decisions without consulting with anyone. You can do exactly what you'd like to do. You can have a wide variety of friends and always be open to meeting someone new.

Being in a relationship is great too - don't get me wrong. But there are pros and cons to each one.

I had a single friend who had been waiting to buy a house until she had found a partner. Well, after a while she decided to just buy the house by herself and stop waiting around for a "man" to start living her life. She actually is dating her swing dance teacher now.

Go out and enjoy life (wherever you're at in the relationship category). A partner will just compliment a happy life.

12

Advice on my JW Mother

by InjusticeSystem in

i need the advice of those of you who are exjw's on what to do about my still in mother.

briefly, here's the situation: i am a born-in, never got baptised (thank the fsm), became an athiest about 2015 but haven't come out to anyone but my wife and some trusted friends.

my mother was raised in the society and is a true believer, but was never as strict about it as some parents are when i was growing up.

mentalclarity

I can totally relate. I stick to general topics with my mom. She shares alot of her life which inevitably is filled with JW stuff and I just stay quiet or change the subject.

However, one thing I recommend is to develop some sort of "mom" relationship with someone else. I have a few older female friends who are kind of like my substitute moms. I realized my mom and I were never really going to have a super close/deep relationship thanks to her beliefs and I still needed that so my older friends are the ones I invite to my kids birthdays or ask advice on life or share all my personal things with. That's helped me to not feel resentful towards my mom. She just really can't give me the relationship I need as a daughter. But there are plenty of women who would love a substitute "daughter". I get to call my friends on their birthdays and mothers day and am so appreciative of their love and attention. They probably like me more than their own kids..haha.

30

I sent off my application to study Palaeobiology (MSc) at Bristol uni and ...

by LoveUniHateExams in

jw
friends

... they've accepted me!

finance is already sorted - they're waiting for me to give them my new student number so that they can start paying me.

just need to formally accept bristol's offer and sort out accommodation.. accommodation should be ok - i've been told priority is given to new students, plus i'm enrolling onto a program for a real degree as a postgraduate - i won't be studying gender studies or some crap like that.

mentalclarity

That's amazing! Congrats!

61

Suicides

by new boy in

jw
friends

i have been on the phone the last to two weeks calling people i've known over the last forty years most of who are still jehovah's witnesses.

some of these people who didn't know i was "out" talked to me and some who knew i was "out" still talked to me.

some of the those people are even elders.. by book new boy will be dedicated to all the people who have killed themselves because of being a jehovah's witness or knowing others who were jehovah's witnesses.

mentalclarity

@scruffmcbuff You could just make a general dedication without putting specific names.

I know someone in my extended family who committed suicide and he was a well known JW. I don't think most were aware he died of suicide. I think it would just bring more pain to his family if his name was published in a book dedicated to suicide victims and I don't know if it was the organization or other issues that made him do that.