The hardest bit is seeing relatives, friends and congregants who are besotted with the organisation simply seeming unable to see the hypocrisy and other problems, leaving me feeling like it's ME who has the problem and is the idiot
Thanks to everyone's comments and feedback. I used to find that I had to take a deep breath every time I walked into the KH. Nowadays, I really couldn't give a flying fudge cake what people think. I don't care anymore as to how people view me, though I still do put on a front.
As soon as I leave the KH, it's like my strait jacket is off, particularly when I turn the key in the car and drive off home.
It astonishes me how everyone around me at the KH takes what we are being spoon fed by the GB so seriously, whilst all the controversies rage on in the media. Being at the KH feels like a parallel universe. It's business as usual. Yet during meetings, I sit there thinking, what the? Eh? Surely not! No way! Come on? Really? Nonsense!
I find the meetings for the most part mind numbingly Boring. Most speakers (not all) sound half hearted and lack enthusiasm when giving talks. Talks tend to be very matter of fact.....not really coming from the heart. Yet many in my hall continue to be as described above 'besotted with the Organisation'. Its just all so surreal!