Welcome to this forum, many have listened to their conscience since Candace Conti, the ARC, lying elders/GB members and other scandals brought to light how far the WT is prepared to go in order to whitewash their history of doctrinal lies and to hide info for their members. You've found a safe place to vent doubts, frustration and where you can find people who understand your situation without judging you for being honest and disagreeing with the GB. Tons of info to be found, including official WT letters that can give insight in the WT's doubletalk and lies. Bite through the pain and confusion and keep on searching for all that info that the Borg tries to hide for you. It is everyone's right to be informed and to have a chance to view both sides of a story.
The cognitive dissonance hurt many of us, including me, but believe me, it gets better in time and it's better to be (mentally) free than to be a WT slave under false conditions. It's cruel of the WT to hold members captive with fear, lies and false hopes...