Here's my issue...
I reg pioneered off and on and I always talked to my df family members and was super open to the elders that I would always talk to them because they were family and everything non spiritual was family business. I was never removed from my position nor counseled about it because I didn't 1. condone the behavior 2. pray with them or 3. discuss spiritual things which was the big no no 3.
So I think they have some freedom of speech because although they preach one thing they don't really df anyone for talking to their df family members.
Having said all this I've been out for 10+years, things could have changed but then again I would be skeptical because everything always seems to be regional/congregational i.e sisters must wear pantyhose, brothers must not wear colored shirts, etc that was different from place to place.