Dear Slaves,
We are pleased to once again create an over-whelming desire for material things, and to again stir up the spirit of competition between congregations on the part of you fools who keep on shelling out your hard earned money trying to have the latest, greatest, shiniest new electronic device.
We are happy to once again shove out grubby hands into your pockets.
We know you will be blessed for letting us do so.
Your masters in the Big House,
Governing Body