I just found this thread after a very recent incident (last night) I had with someone i met on POF. I was bombarded by messages (many inappropriate and/or vulgar) at first when I joined 3 months ago after my close friend met her hubby to be encouraged me to try. I met a great guy but red flags came up with how he handled his relationships with his ex wives and his 3 kids. I realized that as an ex jw I don't have the skills to actually speak my mind without fearing repercussions. I am very independent but just found out how much I surpress things because of my fear of confrontation and my decades of dealing with the org. The person I met ended up having viewpoints that I didn't agree with and last night I set him down to lay it out on the table. I then realized that no one who has not been a jw cannot possibly understand the guilt and fear we experience and the walls we put up. This was my first attempt at dating but now I am wondering if the numbness I have now will ever go away...can I fall in love??? He could not understand the emotional blackmail we face and that elders actually follow you at times to see what you are up to. He accused me of being paranoid and insisted that no one would shun me ESP my parents. He didn't understand how the org weaves itself into your life and extrication is an arduous journey...he was so simplistic in his way of dealing. Just leave ur family and ur teenage daughter will be fine. None of what u r saying is reality. This experience has made me realize my numbness and my current inability to feel. I think POF can be useful but explaining why you are the way u r without having experienced it as a former witness can be hurtful and detrimental to self esteem. I will no longer use dating websites. I often felt like a piece of meat. Be careful. The good ones are hard to find.
joyfulfader
JoinedPosts by joyfulfader
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24
Plentyoffish
by sspo inany of the ladies here on plentyoffish.com dating website?.
just interested and curious in seeing some exjw's.. username "fiat123".
what's yours?.
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36
Favorite LAST episode to the ending of series drama or sitcom?
by dreamgolfer in1) mine, newhart show #2 - when "bob" wakes up and and said he had a dream he was running an inn in new hampshire.
and it is suzzane pleshette next to him.
still can't get it outta my little noggin.
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joyfulfader
I have to say the Monk series finale was the best. I sobbed happy tears and have watched it over and over. The recent "the Closer" series finale was pretty awesome too :)
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Anyone watch "Grimm" ?
by Glander ini have never seen an episode but my wife loves the show.
we just heard today that our 18 yr. old granddaughter will be an extra in an episode filming now.
guess i'll have to watch it.
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joyfulfader
Love the show!!!! One of the few I make sure to never miss :)
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101
New girl in town here for support
by joyfulfader inhi everyone here on jwn.
i admit to being a lurker for quite some time before joining and now i am ready to post and i want to introduce myself.
i am/was 3rd generation and daughter of the po (as it was termed at the time) for most of my life.
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joyfulfader
Hmmmmm...so much for avoiding the loooong paragraph. My iPad faked me out!!
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101
New girl in town here for support
by joyfulfader inhi everyone here on jwn.
i admit to being a lurker for quite some time before joining and now i am ready to post and i want to introduce myself.
i am/was 3rd generation and daughter of the po (as it was termed at the time) for most of my life.
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joyfulfader
Well, somehow my iPad just started allowing my to type my response in a normal fashion without having to jump through hoops to do so and then ending up with one loooong paragraph. I have to say I am not afraid of what I might find during this search. I have had nothing but good things happen in the sense that I feel validated. The doubts I had were verified as being true. I think I am more afraid of what I won't find. That being the answers I think I need to combat the ones in my head that I KNOW are not true. I am not interested in adopting another set of beliefs in an exchange. I see organized religion as a war-torn country filled with land mines ready to explode at any minute. There is no safety in organized religion as far as I am concerned at this moment in time. As a parent I knew long ago that as an imperfect person, I love my child way too much to want her to be as miserable as most people are in "the truth". I started having doubts then but shoved them under the rug so to speak for 15 yrs. My daughter was born very premature and it was then that just the little thing about not celebrating birthdays started to bother me. Then just a couple of years ago I went to a lavish anniversary party for a couple that used to be in the traveling work. During the prayer the brother thanked Jehovah for being able "to celebrate His gift of marriage". In a split second DURING the prayer my head sort of popped up in dismay...why can we have lavish parties with gifts given, honoring people (with a big cake!!!) celebrating God's gift of marriage when we can't celebrate the gift of life itself??? For some parents, each year is a milestone that they are told their child will never reach. Each year...each moment is a gift and that cannot be celebrated according to a group of men in NY but they can celebrate marriage when most get divorced...I was determined then to leave after that icing on the cake (literally and figuratively). My mental health is too precious to me and I will never go back. Am I a better person now because I left? I don't think so because I still have my own values and I like me overall. I am just now better able to be a good person to more people without the cloud of lies swirling about my head. The fog is beginning to lift.
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101
New girl in town here for support
by joyfulfader inhi everyone here on jwn.
i admit to being a lurker for quite some time before joining and now i am ready to post and i want to introduce myself.
i am/was 3rd generation and daughter of the po (as it was termed at the time) for most of my life.
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joyfulfader
Well fortunately we have figured out it is not divinely inspired nor is it handpicked for anything but its own demise
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What did you eat when you moved out if you didn't know how to cook?
by Aware! ini'm male, in my early twenties, and i don't know how to cook.
if one day i blow my cover i will have to move out and fend for myself.
my question is what frozen meals or quick fix meals do you recommend for a single guy?
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joyfulfader
There are so many ready to eat meals like pf changs meals, bertolli, tgi fridays and they are often on sale. plain chicken thighs on the grill or baked with just seasoned salt is really tasty. cream of mushroom soup can be a staple for cooking with chicken and making a super easy beef stroganoff with ground beef. super easy. i have a southern living quick and easy recipes cookbook (i have 5 shelves of cookbooks since my mom had me cooking at 4) and that contains easy to follow recipes with few ingredients. a crockpot can also be handy since u throw everything in and let it cook while you are gone and then the house smells like dinner when you walk in later in the day. very comforting. a bread machine is inexpensive and you can time it to be made when you get up or for when you get home. many easy options to ease into cooking. it can be lots of fun and if you can legally drink having a glass as you cook is a great way to enjoy the experience and relax :) And yes...grilled veggies are delicious!!!
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101
New girl in town here for support
by joyfulfader inhi everyone here on jwn.
i admit to being a lurker for quite some time before joining and now i am ready to post and i want to introduce myself.
i am/was 3rd generation and daughter of the po (as it was termed at the time) for most of my life.
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joyfulfader
@ skeeter- your #1 struck a nerve because my best friend's grandmother who i considered my own was sure black persons were in no way going to make it into the new world. to her it was against nature and the funny thing is, she had 2 friends who supported and cared for her as she got older who were black. quite an absurd assumption and rude to say in front of friends but then how often are jws known for their tact. and that reminds me of my dad's favorite definition of tact...tact is the ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they anticipate the trip :)
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Spanish congregations District Assembly / rides for the kids.
by jam inany truth to this.
the spanish brothers in texas (da).
provided an amusement park for the young on the.
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joyfulfader
I have attended several meetings in spanish. i am bilingual but my daughter is not so i could not move to the spanish cong back when i was going. it is an entirely different world. the culture is so different and since i am completely immersed in the spanish culture most of the week as a spanish medical liason i have learned how different things are. Now i dont go to any meetings as noted before but they have a much more liberal view of things. clothing is so different and there is a more family feel. my opinion i guess that could be influenced by the fact that i speak the language but i can see them providing a bit of diversion. probably not condoned but i can see it happening...maybe.
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101
New girl in town here for support
by joyfulfader inhi everyone here on jwn.
i admit to being a lurker for quite some time before joining and now i am ready to post and i want to introduce myself.
i am/was 3rd generation and daughter of the po (as it was termed at the time) for most of my life.
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joyfulfader
btw skeeter and all others...loving 40!! Really is the new 30 :)