Oubliette, Listener, thank you for bearing with me as I share it. For all her faults, my sister is a smart woman I love the heck out of her, no matter what. As you will see, I think I may have another opportunity to 'check in' with her about her feelings. But you will have to wait until I get to that part of the story...
Alrighty, so I mentioned earlier what the current situation is with my sister. Here is a rundown of the recent events with mum.
A few months ago Mrs Smith and I had the opportunity to catch up with mum. While we were chatting mum said that a couple of things I had said about the elders had her worried. She asked what in particular had annoyed me. I thought perhaps now is the time to start laying it all out for mum, and begin to get her used to the idea that we may not be around JWs in the future.
So I gave her a few examples from here in Australia and from back in New Zealand where the secret elder’s book and procedure have taken precedent over the scriptures and Christian love. Each example I gave was real, and based on something I had witnessed firsthand. After hearing these, she agreed that we were right to be annoyed and upset. The good thing is, this was around the time all the crap went down with my sister and brother in law, and during that episode, mum had seen on several occasions that the elder’s book was referred to for instructions rather than the scriptures. When the elder’s were talking about whether or not they could keep their privileges, of course since ‘pioneering’ and ‘privileges’ are mentioned nowhere in the bible, they had to use the Shepherd book.
I wondered out loud to mum “I wonder what scripture they based their decision on” knowing full well that there ain’t one. There is no scripture saying that pioneering is a thing. There is no scripture saying that privileges are a thing. There is no scripture saying that the removal of privileges can be used as a form of punishment. She of course agreed that the scriptures don’t mention these things. It strikes me as odd that when we are a JW, we know these things aren’t in the scriptures, yet we never think about how these things are used to goad people.
As we talked more, I said to her that one of the reasons I stepped down as an elder was because of one thing in the Shepherd book that I never ever wanted to be a party to. You could see from her face that she was thinking “What could possibly be so bad, bad enough to make you want to remove yourself from being an elder?”
So I told her.
Well, I didn’t exactly tell her, I used some questions to draw her out so I could concrete this in her mind, and see and gauge her reaction at each step of the way. I started with “If you were an elder and a little girl came up to you and said ‘Brother X touched me’ what would you do?” She replied that she would talk with the girl and with her parents and learn more. I asked “Would you call the police?” She said she would talk to Brother X and get his side of things.
Then I asked “So if Brother X admits that he did touch her, what would you do?” She said “Well, we would need to ensure that he never gets the chance to be alone with kids ever again.” Interesting answer I thought, so I continued “Would you tell the police?” To this she said that she was not sure, so I rephrased the question: “Would you call the police and report this crime?”
Her reply to this was that she was not sure what she would do and that she would hate to be in that situation. I agreed that it would be an awful position to be in. Next I asked “So what if, when you talked to Brother X and if you met with him and the elders he denied that he had touched the little girl. What would you do?”
I said “You don’t have to answer that, I’ll tell you what the elder’s book says on this matter.” I said “Can you guess what the first course of action is? The very first thing in the very first paragraph after mentioning this scenario?” She shook her head so I answered “It says, not to call the police, but says that you have to call the branch, and they will advise you what to do. And do you know what they advise you to do if you are in a state that has mandatory reporting of child abuse? They advise you to go to a telephone box and call the police, then give them the information anonymously.”
Now of course, the phone box thing is not in the Shepherd book, I shared this with mum based on what I have read from many experiences posted on JWN and elsewhere. Mum’s response was “Well, that’s weird. I guess this is so at least it is reported, and it does not bring reproach on Jehovah’s name.” All I could say back was “This has nothing to do with protecting Jehovah’s name, the reputation of the congregation, or most importantly, the kid. This is entirely to protect the society legally.”
At this point she was sitting there with a wide mouthed :-O look on her face, so I used the lull in the conversation to explain and show to her what the Shepherd book goes on to advise. “The book says that after speaking with the little one you should talk to the accused. If they confess, they get punished by losing their privileges. If they deny it, the elders have to meet with the accuser and the accused (yes, together in the same room) and ask again what happened. If the accused still denies it, mum do you know what the book says should be done?”
She just shook her head and I continued “It says that as there were not two witnesses to the incident, wrongdoing can’t be established. A note should be made in the congregation file, and the matter should be left up to Jehovah.” I got goosebumps as I related this because this completely creeps me out. I said to mum that even saying that gave me goosebumps and all she said was “That is so wrong! What about that little girl? Kids don’t just make this stuff up!” Poor mum, she looked like she had been punched in the chest.
“This,” I said “Is my issue. I could not in good conscience put myself in a position to have to follow that procedure, because it is just plain rubbish. We are not talking about a ‘sin’ here (two witnesses required) we are talking about a crime.” It was clear that I had made an impact.
And then it got more interesting....
