lostinthought, the guilt is tough to get past but it will soon pass. I used to think about what part of the meeting was going on when I wasnt there, and I used to feel bad if I ran into JWs at a store or restaurant after a meeting when I missed it. It got so bad for a while that I avoided going out on meeting nights or Sunday afternoon because I didn't want to deal with the guilt. Even my best friend, who had been df'd and reinstated and was still sleeping with her worldy boyfriend guilt tripped me about meetings and service. But after a while it goes away.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE FRIENDS! It is tough, it is weird if you grew up in the truth developing relationships that arent based on field service but it will happen. I have made awesome friends that I love and they support me. Some of them know about my JW past and some don't. I have avoided being df'd but I feel it is only a matter of time. For now, my parents still love me and support me, very little pressure about JW stuff anymore. If my mother wants to invite me to a meeting, she will just text me to avoid the awkwardness. Even if we just spent 10 minutes on the phone she will still just text me about the meetings. My dad is an elder and he doesn't push either which amazes me. My sister is the only one who is vocal anymore, she goes between shunning me and love-bombing me, lately its been more of the shunning which hurts deeply but I can't control her, I sadly had to replace her. I have two girls that are close as sisters to me (I'm a guy) and that helps me a lot.
It gets better.