Posts by radiolady

8

Depressed and alone

by nilfun in

i have never been able to finish night .

is some message of hope to be found in its final pages?

close the book and remember.

radiolady

Nilfun; That was deep...that's all I can say.

Oh and you are an excellent writer...you should keep it up.

Radiolady

20

I'm in BIG trouble!

by radiolady in

i haven't written in a long time...and i guess there's no excuse...being too busy should never be an excuse for not keeping up with your family; and that's what you guys are...one big family.

you're the only ones who really, truely understand.

at first i didn't want to write what i'm going through in here...i was embarrassed.

Update: Due to the kindness of one of our boardmembers, I'm going to be okay. I will say that whenever goodness is extended to you on this level all I can say is "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!" She knows who she is, and since I do not yet have permission to say...she needs to know that I appreciate everything she has done from the bottom of my temporarily wicked little heart . I feel like the little kid who's been spared the inevitable spanking, beating and asswhuppin'...well, that's the way it was in my family when I was growing up! "Let's see...will it be the spanking...or the beating today...hell, let's just go for the 'ole fashioned asswhuppin!!!"

I want to be there for anyone else who needs my help in this same way. Of course not yet! (Check back in a couple of months). I'm working really hard on getting my credit together...and one day; I'll be able to go into a car dealership, pick out what I want and drive home with it! That may sound trivial to some people, but it means a lot to me. Not the car in itself...it's the ability to be able to do something like that...or even to have enough money put aside for emergencies if you need it...which is what got me into this situation in the first place. I will take everyone's advice, pay closer attention to my finances and try to cut corners even more than what I already have. My problem is that I've been living from paycheck to paycheck for so long, there was no room for error. Sometimes you can't help it...you just can't get your head above water no matter how much is in the tank...sometimes, all you have to do is stand up.

Thank you!

Love you!

Radiolady

20

I'm in BIG trouble!

by radiolady in

i haven't written in a long time...and i guess there's no excuse...being too busy should never be an excuse for not keeping up with your family; and that's what you guys are...one big family.

you're the only ones who really, truely understand.

at first i didn't want to write what i'm going through in here...i was embarrassed.

radiolady

Hello everyone...just an update...nothing yet. As far as my previous post (the original one), I took out a previous reference because I'm getting paranoid. For those of you who read it...you know what I mean. I'm sorry to be so cryptic, but as you've probably guessed, that what I did wasn't exactly on the "up and up". No, I didn't take anything from anyone "personally" Let's just say this...I'm not doing THAT again. After I get out of this...I promise, I'll be able to tell you what happend. I'm so sorry. It's really hard, because I want to talk about all the details but I'm so scared. I'm sure you already know that I did something that was wrong and now I have to hurry up and get it right. Damn, I'm 43 years old; spent over 25 years in the borg, and am experiencing things that I probably should have experienced as a teenager or in my early 20's. That way I could have learned my lesson earlier. I think that's what happens to us. We are not "allowed" to experience the real world and when we do; we don't know what the hell to do. My daughter is going through the same type of thing, but with a different twist. She didn't get a chance to date...and now she's 23, very pretty (I mean really!!!) and she's having trouble finding the "right" guy. She keeps getting her heart broken and cannot understand why. If she had been "allowed" to experience these things earlier she would at least know how the game is played (so to speak). So, now she's almost like a teenager. I was the same way...when I first left at 33...I went nuts. I started dating an 18 year old!...because I could! I started smoking...because I could and because I was all excited that I could "finally" do something that was taboo. There was a level of excitement to all of that "acting out" behavior. Of course you realize later that once you've done those things, there really isn't anything to it at all...except maybe some repercussions...like not being able to quit smoking! (I'll get there!) Most people that see me think my daughter and I are sisters and we love to hang out together. It's fun, but it has it's drawbacks as well. You don't want your child to forget who is the parent and who is the child; but my daughter is and always has been very bright...she knows what's going on...she realizes that mom is cutting loose and having fun for the first time in her life; so she was doing the same thing. It's a good thing I woke up! (with the exception of my latest faux paus...that was just down right stupid...period). Okay, now that I've finished criticizing my own ass...I can get down to business. I've read so many books on credit repair, debt relief etc. It's just a matter of getting instituting those things...that's something you do for the long haul and those things take time....so when I get out of this "emergency" situation, I'll pick back up on my journey to repair my credit. If anyone wants to jump on the bandwagon...we can do this together. It helps if you have company. Either way, I'll keep you posted in the continuing saga of repairing my credit! I can do this...and I will. (I gotta climb out of this hole first though )

Love you much!

Radiolady

20

I'm in BIG trouble!

by radiolady in

i haven't written in a long time...and i guess there's no excuse...being too busy should never be an excuse for not keeping up with your family; and that's what you guys are...one big family.

you're the only ones who really, truely understand.

at first i didn't want to write what i'm going through in here...i was embarrassed.

radiolady

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and thoughts. I'm going to be alright, I know that...it's just an immediate need...LIKE RIGHT NOW kind of thing. I have a decent job and have been working four jobs up until last month; when I decided that it was way too stressful. Now, I'm working two and one of them is from home. You all gave excellent suggestions and I have actually been instituting many of those things already for a while. I sometimes feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I do well for a while and then a crisis hits and I'm stuck. I usually get unstuck, but this one is a little more of an emergency than it is just your regular being poor like I'm used to. Plus the weather is changing here and I'm in a lot more pain than normal which makes it a little more difficult to tolerate things. I just went to full-time on my job last month and now have decent medical insurance. What I'd like to know is how in the hell do people who have a lot of money...I don't mean comfortable...I mean a lot of money...how do they get it? Is it passed down? Like "old" money or are they all in their own businesses? Is that how it's done? I've often wondered about things like that. (Is that a stupid question?) Either way, I'm thankful you guys are here and have listened to me go on and on. I'll keep you posted!

P.s. I'm back doing what I love...I'm producing a morning show...and no, we don't make a lot of money unless you happen to be Howard Stern.

Thanks again!

Much love...

Radiolady

20

I'm in BIG trouble!

by radiolady in

i haven't written in a long time...and i guess there's no excuse...being too busy should never be an excuse for not keeping up with your family; and that's what you guys are...one big family.

you're the only ones who really, truely understand.

at first i didn't want to write what i'm going through in here...i was embarrassed.

radiolady

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. I will take all of your suggestions and kind words into consideration. I know I was a little vague in my explaination as to what is happening right now; but it would be like writing a book if I went into too much detail. I will keep you posted within the next series of posts to tell you how I'm doing. I've always been a fighter. I'm the one in my family that everyone else goes to for help...for whatever reason. I'm the middle child; the caretaker. Sometimes you spend a lot of your time and energy and money helping other people and then when you need help....there's dead silence, and all of a sudden no one has any money. Both of my cars are beaters. One of them is an 87 Mazda 323 that doesn't work. I spent $398.00 on a new fuel line only to discover that it still doesn't work. (Once I get my head together, I'm doing some investigative reporting on the garage that worked on my car...I found out that they have a history of screwing up peoples cars on purpose; once I got it back from them and took it some place else, the new place said that they had unplugged my alternater...I was like..."well no wonder it doesn't work"...anyways, I don't have the energy to pursue that right now). My other car is a 91 Mitsubishi Eclipse. I just replaced the radiator...it was leaking everywhere and over heating, and was found to have holes in it; it was the original radiator and had just seen it's last day. That was $400. I know good and well these parts don't cost that much! It's the damn labor! So, I've got my one car working and I'm very thankful for that. I need immediate money...like right now. I can't get a loan; no one will give me one...it doesn't matter how much money I make...they won't do it. I've got Fibromyalgia and degerative disc disease; but I don't care because I get up every morning at 4am and by 6am I'm on the radio...six days a week. I like to say that I'm part of the forgotten class in America...the working poor. I'll keep working if I have to crawl to work! My daughter is 23 and is fighting the same illness; she lost everything...her car, her job, her apartment...she was so sick...and now she lives with me. I have a positive attitude and I was encouraged so much by what Fred had to say...it gave me hope. I just gotta get out of this immediate hole I'm in and I've got about 5 days to do it!

Thanks for being there; and feel free to email me if you'd like: [email protected]

20

I'm in BIG trouble!

by radiolady in

i haven't written in a long time...and i guess there's no excuse...being too busy should never be an excuse for not keeping up with your family; and that's what you guys are...one big family.

you're the only ones who really, truely understand.

at first i didn't want to write what i'm going through in here...i was embarrassed.

radiolady

I haven't written in a long time...and I guess there's no excuse...being too busy should never be an excuse for not keeping up with your family; and that's what you guys are...one big family. You're the only ones who really, truely understand. At first I didn't want to write what I'm going through in here...I was embarrassed. But then I thought; who better to tell and to talk to...

The explanation behind the title of this message... I've never been in THIS kind of financial trouble before. Sure I've been short on cash before...almost everyone has; so I've never seen the need to talk about it...you get through it. But this is the first time I've ever felt like I just don't want to get up in the morning and I don't want to live...I don't think I would classify myself as suicidal; I just feel like there's no way out for me right now. And the thing about it is; I don't owe that much. Whatever a person owes...it doesn't matter; because if you don't have it; it doesn't matter whether it's $1 or $100...hell, it may as well be a million dollars!! Because of my divorce, my credit is bad (my ex-husband filed for banckruptcy on the very same day that he divorced me!); so I cannot get a loan, and since then my health has made it difficult for me to be able to keep up with full-time employment. I'm working full-time now...illness and all. I can see the loan officers now...looking at my credit report and howling with laughter! "She thinks she's getting a loan???" So, I've been living from paycheck to paycheck. To me, it's not that bad...as long as you pay the essentials ie. Electric, rent, car repairs etc. So, now, I'll be behind in my rent. Both of my cars had broken down; resulting in us having to take a cab to work which cost $24 a day round trip each. I'm not complaining; because like I tell my daughter...there is always someone else who is way worse off than you are. (This is just a small detail of what's happening right now); I've got my back up against the wall; needing to pay back some money by Monday. (that's a long story; but if I don't get it back this week coming up; I may go to jail...let's put it that way). My last day on the job at that particular place was on Friday...either way...I'm in really deep doo doo and I don't know what to do. I'm looking around the house for things I can pawn...anything short of selling my ass. I'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me...I don't feel sorry for me...I'm just scared right now. I'm sure I'll look back on these times in the future and realize that maybe it wasn't all that bad...but right now; I just can't see it that way yet. It's depressing, I'm upset, anxious and feeling a little crazy and desparate. I want you to know that I love you guys, even though you may not hear from me very often...I'm still here, and I still care about what goes on in our group. I look forward to getting to know everyone a little better soon.

Thanks for reading my rantings...I appreciate your patience.

Love;

Tammy aka Radiolady

[email protected]

Edited by - radiolady on 4 November 2002 22:33:5

14

Witness teens /mental health probs in future?

by termite 35 in

there was a very interesting programme on radio4 this afternoon-dealing with teenagers and their possible problems.. i feel that many witness teens maybe heading for mental health problems due to the issues raised today.. we all know that jw teens are encouraged by the society to follow the leadership of the org.regarding the problems they may face during this difficult time.. the society has made it seem as though it is facing these problems by producing books and magazine articles especially for teens; but how useful are they?.

apparently to grow a healthy teen you need many things.see if you think the points i remembered(there were many more)could explain mental health problems for witnesses in later life.... 1.it's not rebellion that makes a healthy teenager; the most sucessful ones question and are allowed to question.. 2.in doing this they 'find' their own wat in life and learn to be comfortable in their own skins.. 3.teenagers understand the world and how to survive in it by exploring it in their own way.. 4.telling a teen 'these are the rules you should follow' make for unhappy teens...and unheathy mental health.. 4..when parents realise that a teen is preprogrammed to need to discover who they are; they can stop taking it personally and remember that the teen has to find their own path for their own mental growth.. 5.stunting a teens natural tendancy to 'strike' out on their own actually harms their coping abilities in the future.. 6.teenagers who have not been allowed to follow their own thinking for a while end up not having enough self esteem to even start thinking about theses things.this is where the problems start.. they will lack the life coping skills that other sucessful teens have; they will be more prone to depression; self harm;mental illness and suicide.. .

self harm is a classic example of a teen who has'nt questioned and therefore has'nt learnt to cope on their own, mentally.the cutting satisfies and releases feeling that are incommunicable due to repression in those years.. so please; all you witness parents- just because your child want to question, don't think they are rebellious in a bad sense- if they do question it proves you have brought them up well so far.don't spoil their future mental well-being by stopping them on their last stage of growth in to adult mental health.. let them question and speak openly without fear of reproach from you;help to set them up for adult hood..

radiolady

Ah yes...it's true...she is on Zoloft at the moment, however, I really think she has been misdiagnosed. I believe she is suffering from a Bi-polar disorder. Sometimes she is extremely excited and stays up all night long...and then she crashes. The problem is, I cannot get her to go to the doctor. She finally did go and that is how she got on the Zolof. It was like..yea..I finally got her to go, only to discover that they didn't seem to hone in on the right thing! I'm going to continue to talk with her and I'm going to go with her on her next appointment. We have got to get to the bottom of this. It's like she can't do anything unless I'm there holding her hand! I just don't have time all the time to do this. Although, I do know how I felt when I was going through my stuff...it would have been nice to have someone else there to help me through it...like you guys! But I'll just have to keep working on her. She doesn't talk much about leaving the organization...she does tell me that she will never go back. She's 22 now and officially left when she was about 16, but then she moved back home with her dad temporarily and he told her one of the conditions for her being there was to attend meetings. She really didn't like that, but she went until she couldn't stand it anymore. She is extremely hard-headed though and that's what makes this so difficult. I keep letting her know what she needs to do, but she seems to want to go in the opposite direction. Or, she will tell me she knows she needs help and then proceeds to not call the doctor. She has insurance through the state, but she gets so frustrated dealing with people...she just won't do anything. I've even tried to call for her and make appointments for her, but they tell me since she's over 21 she has to do it. Stay tuned...I'm gonna help her yet! I'm determined as all hell!

Love you guys and thank you so much for all your support...keep it coming, I need it!

Tammy Morgan aka Radiolady - FM107 "Real Life, Conversation"

14

Witness teens /mental health probs in future?

by termite 35 in

there was a very interesting programme on radio4 this afternoon-dealing with teenagers and their possible problems.. i feel that many witness teens maybe heading for mental health problems due to the issues raised today.. we all know that jw teens are encouraged by the society to follow the leadership of the org.regarding the problems they may face during this difficult time.. the society has made it seem as though it is facing these problems by producing books and magazine articles especially for teens; but how useful are they?.

apparently to grow a healthy teen you need many things.see if you think the points i remembered(there were many more)could explain mental health problems for witnesses in later life.... 1.it's not rebellion that makes a healthy teenager; the most sucessful ones question and are allowed to question.. 2.in doing this they 'find' their own wat in life and learn to be comfortable in their own skins.. 3.teenagers understand the world and how to survive in it by exploring it in their own way.. 4.telling a teen 'these are the rules you should follow' make for unhappy teens...and unheathy mental health.. 4..when parents realise that a teen is preprogrammed to need to discover who they are; they can stop taking it personally and remember that the teen has to find their own path for their own mental growth.. 5.stunting a teens natural tendancy to 'strike' out on their own actually harms their coping abilities in the future.. 6.teenagers who have not been allowed to follow their own thinking for a while end up not having enough self esteem to even start thinking about theses things.this is where the problems start.. they will lack the life coping skills that other sucessful teens have; they will be more prone to depression; self harm;mental illness and suicide.. .

self harm is a classic example of a teen who has'nt questioned and therefore has'nt learnt to cope on their own, mentally.the cutting satisfies and releases feeling that are incommunicable due to repression in those years.. so please; all you witness parents- just because your child want to question, don't think they are rebellious in a bad sense- if they do question it proves you have brought them up well so far.don't spoil their future mental well-being by stopping them on their last stage of growth in to adult mental health.. let them question and speak openly without fear of reproach from you;help to set them up for adult hood..

radiolady

Thanks Lisa! I had an interesting discussion with her this evening which resulted in her getting mad at me...but all in all...I believe she understands where I'm coming from. I have to come down hard on her for her own good. She is extremely sensitive. I know there is help, however, I'm afraid it will just be me getting the help...I can't seem to get her out of bed long enough to do anything. She did tell me that she would start looking for a job this week. I told her that she told me that last week and the week and month before. So, I'll keep you posted as to what happends at the beginning of next week...we shall see. I want to trust and believe in her, but this is getting old really fast. She needs her own place where she can have her privacy and we can have ours. My fiance' has been extremely patient with her but it is wearing thin and I cannot blame him. Either do something or get some help where someone can help you do something to help yourself...don't just sit there.

Thank you for letting me vent. (These three jobs are getting to me, but a change is on the horizon!...I'll keep you posted about that too!)

Tammy Morgan FM107 "Real Life, conversation

111

Anyone from Minnesota?

by scootergirl in

looking for anyone from the st. cloud congregations (i was in the north one)...or surrounding areas.

oh heck, anyone from minnesota is fine!

radiolady

Thanks everyone! I'm not going to miss this next one even if I have to take off from work! I've only been to one Apostofest and when I missed this one I went through Apostate withdrawals!

Radiolady

14

Witness teens /mental health probs in future?

by termite 35 in

there was a very interesting programme on radio4 this afternoon-dealing with teenagers and their possible problems.. i feel that many witness teens maybe heading for mental health problems due to the issues raised today.. we all know that jw teens are encouraged by the society to follow the leadership of the org.regarding the problems they may face during this difficult time.. the society has made it seem as though it is facing these problems by producing books and magazine articles especially for teens; but how useful are they?.

apparently to grow a healthy teen you need many things.see if you think the points i remembered(there were many more)could explain mental health problems for witnesses in later life.... 1.it's not rebellion that makes a healthy teenager; the most sucessful ones question and are allowed to question.. 2.in doing this they 'find' their own wat in life and learn to be comfortable in their own skins.. 3.teenagers understand the world and how to survive in it by exploring it in their own way.. 4.telling a teen 'these are the rules you should follow' make for unhappy teens...and unheathy mental health.. 4..when parents realise that a teen is preprogrammed to need to discover who they are; they can stop taking it personally and remember that the teen has to find their own path for their own mental growth.. 5.stunting a teens natural tendancy to 'strike' out on their own actually harms their coping abilities in the future.. 6.teenagers who have not been allowed to follow their own thinking for a while end up not having enough self esteem to even start thinking about theses things.this is where the problems start.. they will lack the life coping skills that other sucessful teens have; they will be more prone to depression; self harm;mental illness and suicide.. .

self harm is a classic example of a teen who has'nt questioned and therefore has'nt learnt to cope on their own, mentally.the cutting satisfies and releases feeling that are incommunicable due to repression in those years.. so please; all you witness parents- just because your child want to question, don't think they are rebellious in a bad sense- if they do question it proves you have brought them up well so far.don't spoil their future mental well-being by stopping them on their last stage of growth in to adult mental health.. let them question and speak openly without fear of reproach from you;help to set them up for adult hood..

radiolady

Just from personal experience, my daughter is having a hell of a time. She is now 22 and has a whole host of problems that I wish I could help her with. I know in my heart that it is due to her being raised from birth as a witness. She left with me at first when she was 12, but I stupidly let her go back with her dad who is now my ex-husband. He and his new wife pretty much forced her to attend meetings to which she absolutely hated. She was trained the same way I was when I came into "the truth" at 16...don't worry about getting schooling for a future job etc. She started out okay at first and then she lost her job, her new car, her apartment and she has Fibromyalgia...just like her mom. The thing is...I woke up, I have three jobs and am at least somewhat motivated. She, one the other hand is just not motivated. She now lives with me and I cannot get her to do anything...I cannot encourage her enough to find a job, get mental help or anything like that. I believe she is suffering from Bi-polar type symptoms. It's really hard after they become adults because you really cannot tell them what to do...I mean, you can tell them, but they just look at you and say they understand what you're talking about and then don't do a damn thing about it. I remember those days when I could not get motivated and I didn't have anyone to help me...I had to just pull myself up with every bit of strength that I had left in me and do it myself. I realize everyone is different and I don't fault my daughter at all for what she is going through. I'm just angry at the whole situation. I will say though that she manages to get up after sleeping all day and go dance at a club to try and make some money but she won't look for a regular job! Sheesh! My fiance' thinks that I need to practice tough love...I'm beginning to think that he is right.