Posts by Xandria

31

Most Embarrasing Witness Moment from Childhood

by Perfection Seeker in

anyone on here have a "most embarrasing witness moment" from childhood?

mine is from 7th grade- that was 20 years ago- but i still cringe when i think of it.

almost too hard to write down- but maybe it will be therapeutic & part of the healing process?

Xandria

This post triggered some flash backs. Well here they are.. sheesh I cannot believe they still cause me to feel upset after all these years.

My mother would not allow me to shave my legs or any other area of my body at all. Nor did she teach me about tampons.. she made you use pads. So here I was this hairy little freak in Junior High who did not date, did not celebrate holidays and no one seemed to understand.

So in Gym class I remember wearing knee high socks. I also had a terrible accident one time of the month .. and one girl made it her mission to embarass the you know what out of me. I felt like CARRIE ( the movie) . She made sure she pointed it out to the ENTIRE co-ed class. I so wanted the earth to open up and swallow me at that moment. If it was not for the kindness of some of the other girls I think I would of ran crying. One girl took her sweat shirt and wrapped it around me, walk me back to the locker room and helped me get cleaned up. She was very understanding and helpful. An another girl slapped the other girl for laughing so cruelly and making such crude remarks. The boys... well some laughed and some shuffled around kinda embarassed for me. That night I went home very upset. It finally gave me the courage to go against my mom's rules of me not shaving my legs. An I grabbed that razor and did it.. mom found out and lectured me about modesty and not being a WORDLY WHORE.

My teachers made it worse by FORCING me to explain my beliefs and/or sounding very snide while explaining it. An I do believe that it affected my grades. I had this sense that they took out some of their hostilities on me regarding the JW Faith.

I was a shy kid growing up and pretty much kept to myself.. books were my escape.. I would start a book and I would tune out the world.

Xandria

36

Another JW suicide

by Mulan in

i have just learned that there was another jw suicide in western washington (south king county) last weekend.

the man was a young adult, in good standing, married and doing well financially.

i can't reveal more, and this one didn't hit the news either.

Xandria

Do you think that some of the sucides could of been a cover up ? By who ? .. unless it is someone covering for someone in the Eldership. Stranger things have happened. You never know now days.

If so that is sad.

Xandria

36

Another JW suicide

by Mulan in

i have just learned that there was another jw suicide in western washington (south king county) last weekend.

the man was a young adult, in good standing, married and doing well financially.

i can't reveal more, and this one didn't hit the news either.

Xandria

I agree w/ you newway that is why I am going to post a list. Sometimes you may have to take action. Some people who are in such despair may not just want to go alone and pose a danger not only to themselves but to others. Sometimes.. in severe cases they are so wrapped up in that dark place that they cannot find a way to come out. That is when someone has to take the step and perhaps even place them in care/ observation .. what ever it takes. But, even then sometimes help fails and that may be the sadiest thing of all. The person may not take help from you either.. b/c of trust issues. Don't take it personal.. give them the option of an outside professional so at least he/ or she can perhaps find someone outside the Organization that can help them and they may be able to trust.

Also see inside cover of your local phone book for local numbers Underlined listing also have links to their websites

The National Suicide Helpline: 1-800-SUICIDE

The National "YOUTH" Crisis Helpline: 1-800-999-9999
CDC National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center

The Link: 1-404-256-9797
The Link Counseling Center's National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: 1-888-333-2377

AFSP

American Association of Suicidology: 1-202-237-2280

American Association of Suicidology

Suicide Information & Education Center: 1-403-245-3900

SIEC

SOLES - Survivors of Law Enforcement Suicides

email: [email protected]

Friends for Survival - Suicide Surviors talk line: 1-916-392-0664

NOPCAS - Nat. Org. People Color Against Suicide: 1-512-245-2113

Yellon Ribbon Suicide Prevention Project: 1-303-429-3530

Yellon Ribbon Suicide Prevention Project

SA\VE- Suicide Awareness\Voices of Education: 1-612-946-7998

SA\VE

SPANUSA - Suicide Prevention Advocacy Network: 1-888-649-1366

SPAN

National Depression Screening Project: 1-800-573-4433

National Mental Health Association: 1-800-969-NMHA(6642)

NDMDA - National Depressive/Manic Depressive Association: 1-800-826-3632

NHMA - National Mental Health Assoc: 1-800-969-6642

The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill: 1-800-950-6264

Jason Foundation-youth education: 1-888-881-2323

Missing and Exploited Children National Hotline: 1-800-843-5678

Prevent Child Abuse: 1-800-244-5373

Girls and Boys Town National Hotline and Help Line: 1-800-448-3000

Child Abuse Prevention service: 1-800-422-4453

Kid Safe

Children of the Night: 1-800-551-1300

Runaway Hotline (National) 1-800-621-4000

Trevor Helpline - GLBT youth: 1-800-850-8078

Compassionate Friends-parent grief: 1-630-990-0010

Friends of Battered women and their Children: 1-800-603-4357

Al-Anon Meeting information: 1-888-425-2666
Alcohol and Drug Helpline: 1-800-821-4357

Domestic Violence Hotline (National): 1-800-799-7233

National Domestic Violence

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673

Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders: 1-800-736-3739

Cuting Yourself?: 1-800-366-8288

Edited by - xandria on 30 June 2002 2:42:6

10

Confusion / A Thorny Thought

by Xandria in

a thorny thought.

growing up in the jw religion (if you can call it that) was soo confusing.

the terror tactics have left scars on my sisters, brother and myself.

Xandria

GROAN!!! you mean they are now ROYALTY !!!! sheesh I knew they were royal pains in the back side but this is ridiculous.

It is sad to me that they can hold entire families in bondage by fear. It is utterly ill. I can truely see why some of the people I know .. that have come out of the "faith" and have joined the WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM ( believe me they are not crime bosses).

Living in fear of something is not really being able to live at all. I have seen what crippling fear can do to a human being.

It took me standing up to that fear and conquering it .. for me to be free. An I hope one day you too will be able to live your lives without looking over your shoulder. Or feeling oppressed by what others may assume of you.

If we can help each other .. I think we will be stronger for it. Who calls it the borg.. ? Well resistance is not futile. It just takes Knowledge ..to de-assimulate from the borg.

9

What to do when a loved one is sucidal

by Xandria in

sucide has been a issue in many jw's lives.

this is based on professional advice, published experience, and expert opinion, but do not represent therapeutic recommendation or prescription.

for specific information and advice, consult your personal clinician .

Xandria

Advengers:

All you can do for the ones still left in this "religion" where free thinking is squashed. Is offer them the clear choice and information for help. Fear may be keeping them in this bondage of depression and oppression. Many teens think that death is a way out. Some even think in a strange way that ..the attention it brings will make everyone realize the issue.. and it will, but they will no longer be here to help change what was wrong. An sometimes, they are gone and the issue still remains behind, unchanged. Dying is easy... it is living that is a challenge.

Fear is a strong emotion.. and I have noticed how the Society uses it. If you question something you are going to die in Armageddon ?! how else are you going to learn things. On one hand they say ask questions during study. Do notice how the answers are pre-scripted ? Is that free questing of a question.. I think not.

They twist things to make you feel guilty, that you don't have enough faith to believe in it. It is not a question of faith. It is a question of what is the truth. Would you believe someone or trust someone who threatens you with disfellowshipping ? over the slightest inquisiton. What are they hiding that is so severe .. that they would disfellowship you over asking a question ?

If you know someone who needs help but aren't sure they know who to turn to the best thing to do. Is offer that help.. at least give them a number where they can call. They don't have to give them their name or where they live. Even if it is just to talk freely... sometimes a listening ear can be someone's hope. Below you will find some other links that may be someone's life line.

Hopefully we can come together ourselves to help those who feel hopeless.

Xandria

http://www.thelink.org/index.html

National Mental Health Association: 1-800-969-NMHA(6642) 330 affilliates nationwide providing treatment referrals & services

Prevent Child Abuse: 1-800-244-5373

Children of the Night: 1-800-551-1300A 24 hour a day runaway crisis hotline

Runaway Hotline (National) 1-800-621-4000

Trevor Helpline - GLBT youth: 1-800-850-8078

Compassionate Friends-parent grief: 1-630-990-0010

Friends of Battered women and their Children: 1-800-603-4357

Al-Anon Meeting information: 1-888-425-2666
Alcohol and Drug Helpline: 1-800-821-4357
Provides referrals to local facilities

Domestic Violence Hotline (National): 1-800-799-7233
National Domestic Violence

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673

Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders: 1-800-736-3739

Cuting Yourself?: 1-800-366-8288

9

What to do when a loved one is sucidal

by Xandria in

sucide has been a issue in many jw's lives.

this is based on professional advice, published experience, and expert opinion, but do not represent therapeutic recommendation or prescription.

for specific information and advice, consult your personal clinician .

Xandria

Rob:

I am glad you liked the post. The pain of someone's loss is not something any one wants to go through and if it can be prevented.. I am all for it. I am also truely sorry for your loss Rob. An I do understand your anger and pain. The un-necessary loss of someone is most painful. The people who are left behind often wonder what more could of been done and I know that if help was available your brother may of not have taken his life. But there would of been a Choice given to him and a way to over come what ever was plaguing him at the time. An any religion or organization who doesn't help someone, is not a organization I personally want to be affilated with. WT preaches to love your brother /sister... Wouldn't you think that they would try to help that brother (or sister) rather than harming them further ?

Don't ever be afraid to help someone you think is in a crisis situation. The worst thing you can do is not ASK the question. They get mad they get mad. ..but at least they know you care and that they can ask for help.

I know you will share w/ your children your good memories you have of your brother Rob. An I know it won't change that he is not here with you any more, but it can soften the blow a bit. All one can do it try to help someone else, not go through the loss we have encountered.

Xandria

9

What to do when a loved one is sucidal

by Xandria in

sucide has been a issue in many jw's lives.

this is based on professional advice, published experience, and expert opinion, but do not represent therapeutic recommendation or prescription.

for specific information and advice, consult your personal clinician .

Xandria

Karen, I am so sorry that you had to go through that .. and with out much of a support structure. You could of really had used it, at that time. I am glad though that the friend you had that was an officer was there for you. He definately saved your life. I am sorry your husband could not get the help he needed. To me the lashing out of his family .. is because they are in pain. They did not see what a dark place he was in. An you did try to warn people. They are angry because they did not inact.. so it is much easier to blame someone else for your own failures. This is something they are going to have to work through.

I just wish someone refered you to the resources States have on Mental Health. My mother-in-law was and Health Educator for several years and I have worked in Behavioral Health. There are resources that can link you with a support group, specialized counseling and even survivor counseling. Also as his wife, you could have had him committed.. believe it or not. They would have held him for observation because he was a danger to himself and others. But as you say.. you can only do so much. If the person really is determined to harm himself.. then he/she will do it. Most Sucide attempts are a cry for help. Then there are the ones that are from severe mental disorders. Just so you know you are not alone. Any time you wish to talk email me and let me know.

Xandria

23

My Story

by Mackin in

i guess it's time for me to tell my story on this forum.

my parents came into contact with the "truth" during their engagement and so i was born into a borg family and quickly "assimilated.

" the congregation i grew up in however had very liberal views on many subjects, such as higher education, secular careers, and the like.

Xandria

Welcome too.. I myself am fairly new here. An was raised in the JW religion since I was 3.. but I also had outside input and so on. Besides that the parents ( my mom and step dad) were not as "obedient" they did not attend meetings on a regular basis. But we did study. I am glad we did not attend regularly or I figure I would of been baptized. An still held hostage ...not by abuse anymore. But by the "borg" as you call them.

Hope to see more postings.

Xandria

31

Double Standards

by Perfection Seeker in

did anyone else have witness parents who the congregation thought were the "model" family, yet behind closed doors all hell broke loose?

i remember a time when my family was choosen to do a part at an assembly about the ideal family- yet behind the scenes, we were beat, yelled at, sworn at, never studied, had a family from hell, yet others always commented how "perfect" and christian our family was.

being a witness leaves deep & permanent scars.

Xandria

Yes, sadly the hypocritical double standard is still in effect today. My mom would beat me silly over the most STUPID things. She would fly into extreme rages.. her face turning into this horrible mask of rage.. twisted and screaming obsentities.

There were a few times I tried to get help. I remember one time going to a "sisters" house that lived a few doors down. I had asked her if I could use her phone I was going to call my father (who was not a JW and lived in AZ ). I was going to ask him if I could come and live with him b/c the abuse was too much. I mean spanking is one thing... but using fists, tearing out hair, choking.. that is extreme in any measure. The house cleaning, the lawn, the what ever is still going to be there.. and there will always be something to do. It is not worth killing someone over. I still have mixed emotions when it comes to my mom, step dad and step mom.

The sister, was going to let me use her phone.. but then when my mother came over to get me.. she backed down. She did not want to get involved all of a sudden.. she freaks out and stated I had to go w/ my mom. EVEN though she saw the bruises, the scratches and the terror. That did not matter ... what mattered was that my mother was d/fed and that it was improper for her to interact w/ her.. To hell with someone being beaten and needing help.

Experts state never to discipline when angry... when aren't jw parents angry ? they get upset at you because you did not do x y z.. and the begin to hit fully believing that if they spared the rod.. they would spoil the child. Yes, you decipline your child. But w/ love and compassion. Bringing your child up in fear is not a good thing for him/her to be in. NO wonder many of these JW children go into drugs, sex ( they enter being sexually active to early or into being with several partners searching, to find some shred of love even if it is physical), are depressed, have disorders of eating, hurting themselves, having low self esteem and fearful to trust anyone lest they betray them too.

As Yoda says: Fear leads to hate, and hate leads to the darkside.

I have a question for those who read this. Growning up, did your parents believe that going to the doctor was "dumb". Naaa Doctors did not know any thing .. the only time we EVER went to a doctor was only if you were bleeding and or extremely ill w/ a fevered illness.

Why are Jw's afraid of doctors ? hummmm ?

Would that be b/c they would actually see the health and state of the child ?

Would that be b/c it would expose many who treat their children like this ?

Doctors are required by law to report abuse.. wheither it be physical or sexual.

So go figure.

9

What to do when a loved one is sucidal

by Xandria in

sucide has been a issue in many jw's lives.

this is based on professional advice, published experience, and expert opinion, but do not represent therapeutic recommendation or prescription.

for specific information and advice, consult your personal clinician .

Xandria

Sucide has been a issue in many JW's lives. This is based on professional advice, published experience, and expert opinion, but do NOT represent therapeutic recommendation or prescription. For specific information and advice, consult your personal clinician

Suicide can be prevented. While some suicides occur without any outward warning, most do not. The most effective way to prevent suicide among loved ones is to learn how to recognize the signs of someone at risk, take those signs seriously and know how to respond to them. The depressions and emotional crises that so often precede suicide are in most cases both recognizable and treatable.

Know the Danger Signals

Previous suicide attempts: Between 20 and 50 percent of people who kill themselves had previously attempted suicide. Those who have made serious suicide attempts are at a much higher risk for actually taking their lives.
Talking about death or suicide: People who commit suicide often talk about it directly or indirectly. Be alert to such statements like, My family would be better off without me. Sometimes those contemplating suicide talk as if they are saying goodbye or going away.
Planning for suicide: Suicide individuals often arrange to put their affairs in order. They may give away articles they value, pay off debts or a mortgage on a house, or change a will.
Depression: Although most depressed people are not suicidal, most suicidal people are depressed. Serious depression can be manifested in obvious sadness, but often it is rather expressed as a loss of pleasure or withdrawal of activities that had been enjoyable.

Be particularly concerned about depressed persons if at least five of the following symptoms
have been present nearly every day for at least two weeks:

depressed mood
change in appetite or weight
change in sleeping patterns
speaking and/or moving with unusual speed or slowness
loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities v
decrease in sexual drive
fatigue or loss of energy
feelings of worthlessness, self-reproach or guilt
diminished ability to think or concentrate, slowed thinking or indecisiveness
thoughts of death, suicide, or wishes to be dead

Take It Seriously

Three-quarters of all suicides give some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member.
All suicide threats and attempts must be taken seriously, even those of teenagers among whom such threats are more common.

Be Willing To Listen

Take the initiative to ask what is the matter, and persist to overcome any reluctance to talk about it.
Even if professional help is indicated, the person you care for is more apt to follow such a recommendation if you have listened to him or her.
If your friend or relative is depressed, don't be afraid to ask whether he or she is considering suicide, or even if they have a particular plan or method in mind.
Do not attempt to argue anyone out of suicide. Rather, let the person know you care and understand, that he or she is not alone, that suicidal feelings are temporary, that depression can be treated, and that problems can be solved. Avoid the temptation to say, You have so much to live for, or Your suicide will hurt your family.

Be Actively Involved In Seeking Professional Help

Encourage the person to see a physician or mental health professional immediately. Since suicidal people often don t believe they can be helped, you may have to do more. For example, a suicidal college student resisted seeing a psychiatrist until his roommate offered to accompany him on the visit. A 17-year-old accompanied her 16-year-old suicidal sister to a psychiatrist because the parents refused to become involved.
You can make a difference by helping those in need find a knowledgeable mental health professional or a reputable treatment facility.

In An Acute Crisis, Take the Person To An Emergency Room Or Walk-In-Clinic At A Psychiatric Hospital

Do not leave the person alone until help is available.
Remove from the vicinity of the potentially suicidal person any firearms, drugs, razors or scissors that could be used as aids to suicide.
Medication and/or hospitalization may be indicated and may be necessary at least until the crisis abates.
If a psychiatric facility is unavailable, go to the nearest hospital or clinic.
If the above options are unavailable, call your local emergency number. Chances are the dispatcher can help you locate immediate psychiatric treatment.

Follow Up On Your Loved One's Treatment

Suicidal patients are often hesitant to seek help and may run away after an initial contact unless there is support for their continuing.
If medication is prescribed, take an active role to make sure the patient follows his or her prescription, and be sure to notify the physician about any unexpected side effects. Often, alternative medications can be prescribed.

National Youth Crisis HotlineA 24-hour crisis line
1-800-784-2433 (800-SUICIDE)