Posts by Xandria

Nooooooo...Lisa, don't abandon us newbies just yet.. over someone misplaced ANTI- isms. What is the saying .. Opinions are like ( fill in what orafice you like) everyone has one. An some stink.

But that at least leaves one hand to type with .. (because you are holding your nose with the other). Take a Vacation .. that is okay. But forever abandoning us ( especially the newbies just getting to know everyone.) snif snif...

I know you are not

Xandria...> who is hoping visual effect will help you realize we all are not self absorbed boobs.

21

A Mike Myers moment...

by jaccilynn in

late last night, i made a grilled cheese sandwhich and stuck "wayne's world" in the vcr.

i've seen it dozens of times, but it never stops being funny!

and i thought about how clever mike meyers is to come up with such a great character like wayne campbell... then i thought about austin powers and the fact that part three is coming out soon!

Xandria

Speaking of Mike Myers... his new movie " Gold Member" comes out on July 26th, hopefully it will be funny .

Also like his work in Shrek, his personality shines through the character. My favorite lines.

Princess: " YOU didn't SLAY the dragon ?! "

Shrek: " It's on my to do list..aright!"

The other one: " Ogres are like Onions.. they ' ave layers. "

Xandria

Edited by - xandria on 3 July 2002 13:42:32

8

The Effects of Child Abuse

by Xandria in

being abused and/or neglected as a child are not the only painful and potentially damaging experiences that human beings may suffer in childhood.

whether or not, and to what extent child abuse and neglect (or other painful experiences) have negative effects depends on a variety of factors - related to the abuse itself, but also to relationships, in which the abuse and the child's responses occur.

child abuse, in itself, does not "doom" people to lives of horrible suffering.

Xandria

This is from a lecture attended for a Health Educator's Annual Conference and I would like your thoughts on it. Some of the information is for people to find help who are suffering from emotional abuse. Emotional Abuse has a wide range and there are some information on finding help. I know they are in Canada b/c that is where the lecturer was from. I know this is a kinda long post.. but it is a serious subject.

Thank you.

Xandria

What is Emotional Abuse?

There is no universally accepted

definition of emotional abuse. Like

other forms of violence in relationships,

emotional abuse is based on power and

control. The following are widely

recognized as forms of emotional abuse:

Rejecting

refusing to acknowledge

a persons presence, value or worth;

communicating to a person that she

or he is useless or inferior; devaluing

her/his thoughts and feelings. Example:

repeatedly treating a child differently

from siblings in a way that suggests

resentment, rejection or dislike for the

child.

Degrading

insulting, ridiculing,

name calling, imitating and

infantilizing; behaviour which

diminishes the identity, dignity and

self-worth of the person. Examples:

yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating

or labelling a person as stupid;

mimicking a persons disability; treating

a senior as if she or he cannot make

decisions.

Terrorizing

inducing terror or

extreme fear in a person; coercing by

intimidation; placing or threatening to

place a person in an unfit or dangerous

environment. Examples: forcing a child

to watch violent acts toward other

family members or pets; threatening to

leave, physically hurt or kill a person,

pets or people she/he cares about;

threatening to destroy a persons

possessions; threatening to have a

person deported or put in an

institution; stalking.

Isolating

physical confinement;

restricting normal contact with others;

limiting freedom within a persons own

environment. Examples: excluding a

senior from participating in decisions

about her or his own life; locking a

child in a closet or room alone; refusing

a female partner or senior access to her

or his own money and financial affairs;

withholding contact with

grandchildren; depriving a person of

mobility aids or transportation.

Corrupting/Exploiting

socializing

a person into accepting ideas or

behaviour which oppose legal

standards; using a person for advantage

or profit; training a child to serve the

interests of the abuser and not of the

child. Examples: child sexual abuse;

permitting a child to use alcohol or

drugs; enticing a person into the sex

trade.

Denying Emotional Responsive-ness

failing to provide care in a

sensitive and responsive manner; being

detached and uninvolved; interacting

only when necessary; ignoring a

persons mental health needs.

Examples: ignoring a childs attempt to

interact; failing to show affection,

caring and/or love for a child; treating a

senior who lives in an institution as

though she/he is an object or "a job to

be done."

1

l

Emotional abuse accompanies other

forms of abuse, but also may occur on

its own.

l

No abuse neglect, physical, sexual

or financial can occur without

psychological consequences.

Therefore all abuse contains elements

of emotional abuse.

2

l

Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it

is repeated and sustained.

3 If left

unchecked, abuse does not get better

over time. It only gets worse.

l

Like other forms of violence in

relationships, those who hold the

least power and resources in society,

for example, women and children,

are most often emotionally abused.

l

Emotional abuse can severely damage

a persons sense of self-worth and

perception.

4

l

In children, emotional abuse can

impair psychological development,

including: intelligence, memory,

recognition, perception, attention,

imagination and moral development.

Emotional abuse can also affect a

childs social development and may

result in an impaired ability to

perceive, feel, understand and

express emotions.

5

How Widespread

Is Emotional Abuse?

Only a few studies provide insight

about the prevalence of emotional

abuse in Canada. Emotional abuse is

difficult to research because:

l

in comparison to other forms of

abuse, its effects have only recently

been recognized;

l

there are no consistent definitions

and it is hard to define;

l

it is difficult to detect, assess and

substantiate; and

l

many cases of emotional abuse go

unreported.

A recent study of Ontario investigations

into child maltreatment found that, in

1993, 10 percent of investigations

alleged emotional abuse.

6

In 1993, 39 percent of women in

abusive relationships reported that their

children saw them being assaulted.

7

In 1995, the Canadian Womens Health

Test found that of 1000 women 15

years of age or over:

l

36 percent had experienced

emotional abuse while growing up;

43 percent had experienced some

form of abuse as children or

teenagers.

Against Women Survey showed that

among ever-married or common-law

Canadian women aged 18 to 65 years,

emotional abuse is widespread. The

study found that:

l

35 percent of all women surveyed

reported that their spouse was

emotionally abusive.

l

18 percent of women reported

experiencing emotional abuse but not

physical abuse in a relationship.

l

77 percent of women reported

emotional abuse in combination

with physical abuse.

9

In one Canadian study on abuse in

university and college dating relation-ships,

81 percent of male respondents

reported that they had psychologically

abused a female partner.

10

In 1995, a study of seniors client

records from various agencies across

Canada found that psychological abuse

was the most prevalent form of abuse.

Questions about insults, swearing and

threats were asked as a measure of

chronic verbal aggression.

Facts to Consider

Emotional abuse of children can result

in serious emotional and/or

behavioural problems, including

depression, lack of attachment or

emotional bond to a parent or

guardian, low cognitive ability and

educational achievement, and poor

social skills.

13

One study which looked at emotionally

abused children in infancy and then

again during their preschool years

consistently found them to be angry,

uncooperative and unattached to their

primary caregiver. The children also

lacked creativity, persistence and

enthusiasm.

14

Children who experience rejection are

more likely than accepted children to

exhibit hostility, aggressive or passive-aggressive

behaviour, to be extremely

dependent, to have negative opinions

of themselves and their abilities, to be

emotionally unstable or unresponsive,

and to have a negative perception of

the world around them.

15

Parental verbal aggression (e.g., yelling,

insulting) or symbolic aggression

(e.g., slamming a door, giving the silent

treatment) toward children can have

serious consequences. Children who

experience these forms of abuse

demonstrate higher rates of physical

aggressiveness, delinquency and inter-personal

problems than other children.

Children whose parents are additionally

physically abusive are even more likely

to experience such difficulties.

16

Children who see or hear their mothers

being abused are victims of emotional

abuse. Growing up in such an

environment is terrifying and severely

affects a childs psychological and social

development. Male children may learn

to model violent behaviour while

female children may learn that being

abused is a normal part of relationships.

This contributes to the intergener-ational

cycle of violence.

17

Many women in physically abusive

relationships feel that the emotional

abuse is more severely debilitating than

the physical abuse in the relationship.

18

Repeated verbal abuse, such as

blaming, ridiculing, insulting, swearing,

yelling and humiliating, has long-term

negative effects on a womans

self-esteem and contributes to feelings

of uselessness, worthlessness and

self-blame.

Threatening to kill or physically harm

a female partner, her children, other

family members or pets establishes

dominance and coercive power on the

part of the abuser. The female partner

feels extreme terror, vulnerability and

powerlessness within the relationship.

This type of emotional abuse can make

an abused woman feel helpless and

isolated.

Jealousy, possessiveness and interro-gation

about whereabouts and activities

are controlling behaviours which can

severely restrict a female partners

independence and freedom. Social and

financial isolation may leave her

dependent upon the abuser for social

contact, money and the necessities of

life.

Emotional abuse can have serious

physical and psychological

consequences for women, including

severe depression, anxiety, persistent

headaches, back and limb problems,

and stomach problems.

19

Women who are psychologically abused

but not physically abused are five times

more likely to misuse alcohol than

women who have not experienced

abuse.

20

Senior abuse is still a new issue and

there is little research in this field on

emotional abuse.

We do know that senior emotional

abuse and neglect can be personal or

systemic and that it occurs in a variety

of relationships and settings, including

abuse by:

l

a partner,

l

adult children or other relatives,

l

unrelated, formal or informal

caregivers, or

l

someone in a position of trust.

Seniors who are emotionally abused

may experience feelings of extreme

inadequacy, guilt, low self-esteem,

symptoms of depression, fear of failure,

powerlessness or hopelessness.

21 These

signs may be easily confused with loss

of mental capability so that a senior

may be labelled as "senile" or

"incapable" when in fact she or he

may be experiencing emotional abuse.

Abusers may often outwardly display

anger and resentment toward the

senior in the company of others. They

may also display a complete lack of

respect or concern for the senior by

repeatedly interrupting or publicly

humiliating her or him. Not taking into

account a seniors wishes concerning

decisions about her or his own life is

an outward sign of abuse.

22

Detecting Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse may be difficult to

detect. However, personal awareness

and understanding of the issue is key to

recognizing it. The following indicators

may assist in detecting emotional abuse.

Possible Indicators of Emotional Abuse and Neglect

Children

23 Adults

depression

withdrawal

low self-esteem

severe anxiety

fearfulness

failure to thrive in infancy

aggression

emotional instability

sleep disturbances

physical complaints with no medical

basis

inappropriate behaviour for age or

development

overly passive/compliant

suicide attempts or discussion

extreme dependence

underachievement

inability to trust

stealing

depression

withdrawal

low self-esteem

severe anxiety

fearfulness

feelings of shame and guilt

frequent crying

self-blame/self-depreciation

overly passive/compliant

social isolation

delay or refusal of

medical treatment

discomfort or nervousness around

caregiver or relative

suicide attempts or discussion

substance abuse

avoidance of eye contact

other forms of abuse present or

suspected

other forms of abuse present or suspected

Legal Interventions

Legal intervention in cases of child

emotional abuse and neglect is

governed by provincial and territorial

child protection legislation. Most

jurisdictions require that alleged or

suspected child emotional abuse or

neglect be reported to child protection

authorities or the police. In some

jurisdictions, failure to report child

emotional abuse or neglect may result

in a fine or imprisonment.

24

Emotionally abusive behaviour such as

repeatedly following the other person

or someone known to her or him;

intimidating or attempting to intimi-date;

repeatedly communicating,

directly or indirectly, with the other

person or someone known to her or

him; harassing the other person with

telephone calls; besetting or watching

the other persons house or place of

work; and/or engaging in threatening

conduct directed at the other person or

a member of her or his family is

criminal harassment. These behaviours

must cause a person to fear for her or

his safety or the safety of someone she

or he knows. Other forms of emotional

abuse such as insulting, isolating,

infantilizing, humiliating, and ignoring,

although serious, are not criminal

behaviours and cannot be prosecuted

under the Criminal Code of Canada.

What Can You Do?

IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED:

Remember:

l

You are not alone

l

It is not your fault

l

No one ever deserves to be abused

l

Help is available

IF YOU SUSPECT OR KNOW THAT

SOMEONE IS BEING ABUSED:

l

Listen

l

Believe

l

Support

l

Let the person know about available

support services

l

Report suspected or known child

abuse or neglect to a child welfare

agency or the police

IF YOU ARE A SERVICE PROVIDER:

Work with other organizations to:

l

Increase awareness of emotional

abuse

l

Address the needs of those who have

been or are being emotionally abused

l

Keep informed of resources and

materials relating to intervention

and prevention of abuse

Where to Go for Support Services

24 hour help-line or distress line

transition house or shelter

social service agency

child welfare or family services agency

police

legal aid service

health professional (e.g., nurse,

doctor, dentist)

community health centre

public health department

community counselling centre

home support agency

seniors centre

community living association

friendship centre

religious organization ( lol don't know about that one, unless you have a trust worthy person to turn to.. trust your instincts).

Suggested Resources

Canadian Panel on Violence Against

Women.

Changing the Landscape:

Ending Violence Achieving Equality.

Health Canada,

Fact Sheets on Parent-Teen

Relationships; Parent-Child

Relationships; Wife Abuse The Impact

on Children; Family Violence Against

Women with Disabilities; Family

Violence Against People with a Mental

Handicap; Wife Abuse; Dating Violence;

and Elder Abuse. Ottawa: National

Clearinghouse on Family Violence.

The Mental Health Division of Health

Canada has produced a number of

publications on senior abuse and

neglect which are available through

the National Clearinghouse on Family Violence.

The kit is available in both

English and French. Contact: Canadian

Institute of Child Health,

885 Meadowlands Drive East,

Suite 512, Ottawa, Ontario K2C 3N2.

Tel: (613) 224-4144;

Fax: (613) 224-4145.

Nobodys Perfect

is a support and

educational program for parents of

children from birth to age five. This

program, which was developed by

Health Canada, is available in both

English and French. Contact: Canadian

Association of Family Resource

Programs, 205-120 Holland Avenue,

Ottawa, Ontario K1Y 0X6. Tel: (613)

728-3307; Fax: (613) 729-5421.

Getting Our Message Ou

t, developed by

the YWCA of Canada, 1995, is a

handbook to help communities raise

awareness and take action on violence

against women with particular focus on

the media.

Fresh Start by Joan

LeFeuvre, 1992, is a practical guide for

women in abusive relationships. The

YWCA has also produced a kit

Theres

No Excuse for Abuse

which provides

basic information, ideas and actions on

woman abuse and is especially

applicable for rural and remote

communities. All are available in both

English and French. Contact: YWCA of

Canada, 80 Gerrard Street East,

Toronto, Ontario M5B 1G6. Tel: (416)

593-9886; Fax: (416) 971-8084.

A. S. A. P.: A School-Based

Anti-Violence Program

by

Marlies Suderman, Peter Jaffe and

Elaine Hastings, 1993, is an evaluated,

community-based program which

addresses topics applicable to

elementary and secondary school

communities. The program includes

sections on professional development,

handling disclosures, intervention

strategies, overcoming roadblocks,

developing an action plan as well as

many additional resources. Contact:

London Family Court Clinic, 254 Pall

Mall Street, London, Ontario N6A 5P6.

Tel: (519) 679-7250;

Fax: (519) 675-7772.

Interdisciplinary Perspectives:

Interventions for Older Victims of

Abus

e, by Nova House, 1995, is a

manual for service providers which

proposes an interdisciplinary approach

to intervention strategies for seniors

who are abused or neglected. The

manual also refers readers to resources

and sources of support. This document

is also available in both English and

French. Contact: Nova House Womens

Shelter, Box 337, Selkirk, Manitoba

R1A 2B2. Tel: (204) 482-7882;

Fax (204) 482-8483.

A Handbook for the Prevention of

Family Violenc

e, developed by the

Community Child Abuse Council

Hamilton-Wentworth, 1991, is a

resource text for school personnel,

community agencies, health care

professionals, parents and volunteers.

The handbook addresses child abuse,

dating violence, wife abuse, children

who witness wife abuse, and elder

abuse. Contact: Community Child

Abuse Council of Hamilton/

Wentworth, 75 MacNab Street South,

2nd Floor, Hamilton, Ontario L8P 3C1.

Tel: (905) 523-1020;

Fax: (905) 523-1877.

Research Centres on Family Violence

and Violence Against Wome

n: The five

Research Centres form a national

network to achieve academic/

community collaboration. Contacts:

BC/Yukon Feminist Research,

Education, Development and Action

Centre (FREDA

), Simon Fraser

University, 515 Hastings Street,

Vancouver, British Columbia V6B 5K3.

Tel: (604) 291-5197;

Fax: (604) 291-5189.

Research Centre on Family Violence

and Violence Against Women,

413 Tier

Building, University of Manitoba,

Winnipeg, Manitoba R3T 2N2.

Tel: (204) 474-8965;

Fax: (204) 261-3283.

Centre for Research on Violence Against

Women and Children,

100 Collip Circle,

Suite 240, UWO Research Park,

London, Ontario N6G 4X8. Tel: (519)

858-5033, Fax: (519) 858-5034.

Right from the Start: Dating Violence

Prevention for Teens

One Hit Leads to Another (Violence Against

Women) Many of the above listed agencies can also refer you to there sister sites in different countries.

8

The Effects of Child Abuse

by Xandria in

being abused and/or neglected as a child are not the only painful and potentially damaging experiences that human beings may suffer in childhood.

whether or not, and to what extent child abuse and neglect (or other painful experiences) have negative effects depends on a variety of factors - related to the abuse itself, but also to relationships, in which the abuse and the child's responses occur.

child abuse, in itself, does not "doom" people to lives of horrible suffering.

Xandria

Part 2:

Resources for Parents & Caregivers

More than anyone else (including therapists), parents and caregivers can help children recover from abuse and its effects.

I have consulted a trusted colleague, a Clinical Psychologist with specialized training and years of experience working with abused children and their caregivers. Below are her book recommendations for parents and caregivers of children who have been abused.

The Sexually Abused Child: A Parent's Guide to Coping and Understanding, by Kathleen Flynn Mach, MSW. Family Insight Books, 1994.
Handbook for Treatment of Attachment-Trauma Problems in Children, by Beverly James. The Free Press, 1994.
Trauma in the Lives of Children : Crisis and Stress Management Techniques for Teachers, Counselors, and Student Service Professionals, by Kendall Johnson. Hunter House, 1998.

See also Helping Traumatized Children: A Brief Overview for Caregivers, by Dr. Bruce Perry, Director of the ChildTrauma Academy.

Childhelp USA's National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-422-4453
(1-800-4ACHILD)

Childhelp USA is a non-profit organization "dedicated to meeting the physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual needs of abused and neglected children." Its programs and services include this hotline, which children can call with complete anonymity and confidentiality. To know what to expect when you call, see How We Help. From the site: "The Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline is open 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. Don't be afraid to call. No one is silly or unimportant to us. If something is bothering you or you want information, CALL!" To learn more about reporting child abuse or neglect in your state, see Report Child Abuse. National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 TDD

This is a 24-hour-a-day hotline, staffed by trained volunteers who are ready to connect people with emergency help in their own communities, including emergency services and shelters. The staff can also provide information and referrals for a variety of non-emergency services, including counseling for adults and children, and assistance in reporting abuse. They have an extensive database of domestic violence treatment providers in all US states and territories. Many staff members speak languages besides English, and they have 24-hour access to translators for approximately 150 languages. For the hearing impaired, there is a TDD number. This is a good resource for people who are experiencing or have experienced domestic violence or abuse, or who suspect that someone they know is being abused (though it is not perfect, and may not have the best number in your area). All calls to the hotline are confidential, and callers may remain anonymous if they wish.

Growing Beyond Survival: A Self-Help Toolkit for Managing Traumatic Stress, by Elizabeth Vermilyea.
If you want to start learning and practicing the self-regulation skills essential to recovering from the effects of child abuse, or to build on progress you are already making, I strongly recommend that you get this book. To learn more about the book and/or order it directly from the publisher (for a higher price than Amazon), go to the Growing Beyond Survival page of the Sidran Press catalog.

Trauma and Recovery, by Judith L. Herman. Basic Books, 1992.
I still believe this is the best book on psychological trauma and recovery, particular extreme child abuse. Herman integrates a great deal of research with decades of clinical wisdom and some thought-provoking historical and political perspectives. Trauma and Recovery is appropriate for survivors of child abuse and other interpersonal traumas, as well as clinicians and the general reader.

Legal Resources for Victims of Sexual Abuse
This section of Attorny Susan Smith's web site has extensive resources on remedies for victims, statutues of limitations, and mandatory child abuse reporting laws in most states of the U.S

N.O.M.S.V. - The National Organization On Male Sexual Victimization
Their mission: "Dedicated to a safe world, we are an organization of diverse individuals, committed through research, education, advocacy and activism to the prevention, treatment and elimination of all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men." There are many helpful resources here, including a Chat Room where males with sexual abuse histories provide each other with support, understanding and other helpful input.

Sidran Foundation Online Resources
This is a national non-profit organization that offers services to people who have experienced trauma and/or suffer from dissociative disorders, and those who provide services to them. There are many excellent resources here, including a Traumatic Memories Brochure and a page of Resources for Survivors.

STOP IT NOW!
"STOP IT NOW!'s mission is to call on all abusers and potential abusers to stop and seek help, to educate adults about the ways to stop sexual abuse, and to increase public awareness of the trauma of child sexual abuse."

SNAP - Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests
"SNAP is a national self-help organization of men and women who were sexually abused by Catholic priests (brothers, nuns, deacons, teachers, etc). Members find healing and empowerment by joining with other survivors. We are a rapidly-growing all-volunteer group with 2400 members and numerous local chapters. SNAP was founded by Barbara Blaine of Chicago in 1991."

The Trauma Center
The Trauma Center, founded by Bessel van der Kolk, an leading expert in the field of traumatic stress studies, is a clinic affiliated with the Boston University School of Medicine. The site includes pages on the work of Dr. van der Kolk, including links to his articles on the web and psychological trauma assessment instruments.

VOICES In Action, Inc.
Victims of Incest Can Emerge Survivors - "VOICES in Action, Inc. is an international organization to provide assistance to victims of incest and child sexual abuse in becoming survivors and to generate public awareness of the prevalence of incest.

Edited by - xandria on 3 July 2002 6:46:26

8

The Effects of Child Abuse

by Xandria in

being abused and/or neglected as a child are not the only painful and potentially damaging experiences that human beings may suffer in childhood.

whether or not, and to what extent child abuse and neglect (or other painful experiences) have negative effects depends on a variety of factors - related to the abuse itself, but also to relationships, in which the abuse and the child's responses occur.

child abuse, in itself, does not "doom" people to lives of horrible suffering.

Xandria

Being abused and/or neglected as a child are not the only painful and potentially damaging experiences that human beings may suffer in childhood.
Whether or not, and to what extent child abuse and neglect (or other painful experiences) have negative effects depends on a variety of factors - related to the abuse itself, but also to relationships, in which the abuse and the child's responses occur.
Child abuse, in itself, does not "doom" people to lives of horrible suffering.

Child Abuse and the Human Condition

It is important to consider these issues in relation to what some people refer to as "the human condition." By this I mean:

All human beings suffer painful experiences, and some of these occur in childhood.
All caregivers of children are sometimes unable to protect them from painful experiences.
We all need love and support to deal with the effects of painful experiences.
Everyone must find ways to cope with the emotions generated by painful experiences - whether or not we get love and support from others.
Many coping or self-regulation strategies work in some ways, but also limit people in other ways. For example:
- Ignoring painful feelings may reduce one's conscious experience of them. But it also prevents one from learning how to manage them in smaller doses, let alone larger ones - which makes one vulnerable to alternating between feeling little or no emotions and being overwhelmed and unable to cope with them.
- Avoiding getting close to people and trying to hide all of one's pain and vulnerabilities may create a sense of safety. But this approach to relationships leads to a great deal of loneliness, prevents experiences and learning about developing true intimacy and trust, and makes one vulnerable to desperately and naively putting trust in the wrong people and being betrayed again.
- At the extreme, getting really drunk can block out painful memories and feelings, including the feeling of being disconnected from others - but cause lots of other problems and disconnections from people.
Some people suffer more painful experiences than others, and abuse is one of many possible causes of extreme emotional pain (others include life-threatening illness, death of a loved one, physical disfigurement, etc.).
Some people get more love and support from their families and friends than others, and families in which abuse occurs tend to provide less of the love and support needed to recover from abuse. But families in which abuse does not happen can also experience significant problems, and can make it hard for family members to deal with the inevitable painful experiences in life.
Finally, because everyone needs caring relationships and love, emotional neglect can be more devastating than abuse, particularly in the earliest years of life.

The Effects of Child Abuse Depend on a Variety of Factors

We have learned from many people's experiences and a great deal of research that the effects of abuse and neglect depend on a variety of factors. Below I group these effects into those which research has shown to influence negative outcomes, and a variety of other factors that are harder to measure for research purposes and/or may be very important for some people but not others.

Factors research has shown to influence the effects of abuse:

Age of the child when the abuse happened. Younger is usually more damaging, but different effects are associated with different developmental periods.
Who committed the abuse. Effects are generally worse when it was a parent, step-parent or trusted adult than a stranger.
Whether the child told anyone, and if so, the person's response. Doubting, ignoring, blaming and shaming responses can be extremely damaging - in some cases even more than the abuse itself.
Whether or not violence was involved, and if so, how severe.
How long the abuse went on.

Additional factors that are difficult to research or may differ in significance for different people:

Whether the abuse involved deliberately humiliating the child.
How "normal" such abuse was in the extended family and local culture.
Whether the child had loving family members, and/or knew that someone loved her or him.
Whether the child had some good relationships - with siblings, friends, teachers, coaches, etc.
Whether the child had relationships in which "negative" feelings were acceptable, and could be expressed and managed safely and constructively.

Some of these factors are about how severe the abuse was, and some are about the relational context of the abuse and the child's reactions. Both types of factors are extremely important.

A great deal of research has been conducted, and continues to be conducted, on how such factors determine outcomes for those abused in childhood. Factors that increase the likelihood of negative outcomes have been referred to as "risk factors," and ones that decrease the likelihood of negative outcomes as "protective factors." Every person who has experienced abuse is unique. And every person who has experienced abuse has a unique combination of risk and protective factors that have influenced, and continue to influence, the effects in his or her life.

In summary, it is important to appreciate that these issues are very complex, and to be familiar with how abuse and neglect can - depending on a variety of other factors - affect various aspects of a person's life. Keep this in mind as you search and interact with eachother on this forum. You do not wish to harm, shame, or blame anyone for what happened to them. It will just only revictimize them. So be compassionate.

Edited by - xandria on 3 July 2002 6:49:49

20

The MEANEST Mom in the World! :)

by BeautifulGarbage in

i had an experience with my son the other day and thought i would share it with the board.. i decided to take my son out to dinner.

my daughter was off with friends and my husband was working.

with it only being the two of us, i really didnt feel like making a mess in the kitchen and then have to clean it up.

Xandria

I love it I lovvvve it.. I only wish some of the parents I dealt with working in Behavioral Health had as good parenting skills. I agree about not rewarding them for whining and carrying on in the store. I see too many parents give in to the child just to shut him/her up.

The child becomes accustomed to getting what he or she wants by this behavior. I am all for positive reinforcement.

Xandria

29

From Intercourse to Paradise...

by NeonMadman in

...with stops along the way in bird-in-hand and lancaster.. that's right.

today, i, my wife and my mother-in-law loaded ourselves into the car and drove down to pennsylvania dutch country, where we visited the towns of intercourse, paradise, and the others i mentioned.

we went to the mennonite information center, where we heard a lecture about the israelite tabernacle in the wilderness, enhanced by viewing an actual size model of the tabernacle.

Xandria

SNICKER.... I know there are some interesting named towns out there in our State and through out the Country. I have driven through a few of them .. like TURKEY, NC.

Thank you for the giggles. You made my night w/ this naughty post.

Xandria

43

This site is very misleading!!!

by IrishDancinJames in

this website is very misleading!

it says its for jehovahs witnesses, for brothers and sisters!!!

and this site is no such thing!

Xandria

Xandria, you naughty dredger! That'll teach me not to look at the posting dates !

Yep that is me NAUGHTY

So that the judgemental peeping

Because we will not take it and you may not like how we fire back. Too many people in this forum have taken years of abuse at the hands of JW's and they have every right to feel the way they do. So if you come to view and chat .. that is fine. But don't come to oppress.

Xandria

43

This site is very misleading!!!

by IrishDancinJames in

this website is very misleading!

it says its for jehovahs witnesses, for brothers and sisters!!!

and this site is no such thing!

Xandria

WARNING this post contains hints of sacrasm

LMAO>.. omg do they think they ah have a copy right on JEHOVAH's name ? give me a break.

Think of it .. Where would JESUS be ? Helping the beaten down.. ex JW's. An IDJ your compassion .. really warms my heart ... gives me warm fuzzy feelings to know that your "righteous" anger over-rides your compassionate nature.. (right rofl .. what compassion ?)

Xandria