anyone else feel like they were just woke up from a long coma?
or emerged from a time capsule?.
i mean seriously, its rather creepy and disturbing , some of us are at sea without a compass .. like an orphan, like someone said, , heres a birth certificate go find yourself.
That lost feeling is endemic with former witnesses,
when you leave you lose your whole support system and you also can lose your direction since every waking moment was angled towards the org , and when it's gone all that you had is gone too in one big catastrophe.... And your left alone and bereft not knowing where to turn, a novice in this world because you ignored it for so long..... We are all suffering the same I think.
at a certain point in time, i am sad to say, being a jw may have been my whole life.
i knew myself by what others said about me.
i was called brother by hundreds, and it sounded right.
I too look back and see times when yes , particularly pioneering that I would look at all the people living their normal happy lives and think to myself " but what would the truth do for them? "
In my heart I knew that it would turn there normally happy lives upside down and cause them consternation and that they would be on the treadmill that I was on , and I didn't want to do that to people.....
i felt like Jim Cary in liar liar movie who couldn't tell a lie...... I felt like saying, when knocking on someone's door,
" listen to me and in under six months time you could be as tormented as I am having to report and get your field service hours in and you to could lose most of your free time and you too could experience the guilt fear and obligation I feel "
In my heart I knew these things but it's taken till now to break free and even now I'm only fading.
if i told you that something bigger is on the horizon than dateline, bbc, cbc, sunday (australia), and all other tv programs which exposed the sexual child abuse cover-up by watchtower in 2002-2003, would you believe me?
have i ever misled you?
i'll answer that--no!
My wild guess?
They've been shown up in the released Panama files for stashing loads of money away from the rank and file....
if i told you that something bigger is on the horizon than dateline, bbc, cbc, sunday (australia), and all other tv programs which exposed the sexual child abuse cover-up by watchtower in 2002-2003, would you believe me?
have i ever misled you?
i'll answer that--no!
since i woke up one year ago , i've been doing a somewhat controlled fade , the experience i've had has been a very solitary one , i don't mean by not seeing anyone i know because i know hundreds in several congregations and i was an elder .
but just coming to terms with the fact that this was no longer the solution to life's problems, that i'd wasted so much time, that as i sat in the kh and heard everyone comment, my heart was no longer in it , i no longer fitted in ..... i felt that they were in the congregation all under the spell or some form of hypnosis from the wtbts,.
it was like for the first time in my experience at the kh , that i was the only one to see what was actually going on , the indoctrination, the guilt tripping, i could see it all as clear as day , and yet i had as it where a metal gag over my mouth, i couldn't speak to anyone about it for fear of them turning me into the spiritual police.
To sowhatnow...... I am still going because after practically a lifetime in the organisation I have so many people I know and some are really close friends.... I gently tried to wake some up but its hopeless, even with the most intelligent and perceptive friends the C D kicks in . It's amazing. My wife who is quite sick stopped coming more or less straight away under the guise of her illness,
but I refuse to let the wtbts deprive me of a lifetime of friends and contacts just because I no longer believe there deluded stories.
since i woke up one year ago , i've been doing a somewhat controlled fade , the experience i've had has been a very solitary one , i don't mean by not seeing anyone i know because i know hundreds in several congregations and i was an elder .
but just coming to terms with the fact that this was no longer the solution to life's problems, that i'd wasted so much time, that as i sat in the kh and heard everyone comment, my heart was no longer in it , i no longer fitted in ..... i felt that they were in the congregation all under the spell or some form of hypnosis from the wtbts,.
it was like for the first time in my experience at the kh , that i was the only one to see what was actually going on , the indoctrination, the guilt tripping, i could see it all as clear as day , and yet i had as it where a metal gag over my mouth, i couldn't speak to anyone about it for fear of them turning me into the spiritual police.
Since I woke up one year ago , I've been doing a somewhat controlled fade , the experience I've had has been a very solitary one , I don't mean by not seeing anyone I know because I know hundreds in several congregations and I was an elder .
But just coming to terms with the fact that this was no longer the solution to life's problems, that I'd wasted so much time, that as I sat in the Kh and heard everyone comment, my heart was no longer in it , I no longer fitted in ..... I felt that they were in the congregation all under the spell or some form of hypnosis from the wtbts,
it was like for the first time in my experience at the Kh , that I was the only one to see What was actually going on , the indoctrination, the guilt tripping, I could see it all as clear as day , and yet I had as it where a metal gag over my mouth, I couldn't speak to anyone about it for fear of them turning me into the spiritual police.
At that time and now I feel the most Lonley man in the hall ..... And after a year still no one knows.
Mare any of you in the same position?
i've seen this weekend's uk branch visit mentioned a few times.
for those who are interested, here is the programme:-.
1:00 pm song 63 & prayer - p. gillies.
It was announced at out hall that it would be a good idea to first go out in field service first of all but don't go home, come and have a sandwich at the Kh, then watch the broadcast, so that's pretty much the whole day and the last two speakers items last about an hour each 😳
What do you think your state of mind will be after that little lot ....... Well there's no way I'm going, I didn't go last time and I asked several brothers what was said and they couldn't remember a thing except a building permit coming through just in time....and now that's all shut down pretty much,
you couldn't make this stuff up 😳
these well known words from the bible are so interesting!.
"come to me all who are toiling and loaded down, and i will refresh you"...etc.... .
is it refreshing to be witness?.
I woke up about a year ago and to the utter realisation that I'd wasted and had on hold at least 35 years of my life while in the
" truth " ,
i well remember an old Co saying when asked if it was alright to own and run a caravan as a jw , and his reply was that we could all have our caravans in the new system. But it could have been anything really..... Our whole lives were " on hold "
so any form of refreshment could only lye within the organisation and we all know that just means do more ministry, do more bible reading etc etc.....Â
It's the ultimate sanction, because it's already been drummed into them that , there is no other form or chance of salvation out there in the world, so that was a kind of scorched earth policy from the slave , if you get cast out there , there is nothing whatsoever for you , it's all invalid and disqualified as far as God is concerned.
In effect they are operating a spiritual caste system and you can be demoted anytime you ask the wrong question or dare to step out of line .
there are so many gems in in search of christian freedom but i thought this section in 'indoctrination and subordination' was excellent, summing things up brilliantly, worth highlighting for anyone who hasn't read the book;.
"the sum of the evidence is, then, that although no extreme physical isolation occurs, a very effective mental isolation is pro- duced by the organizations interpretation placed on jesus words about not being part of the world.
the community of believers becomes quite insulated and intellectually sealed off from any source of scriptural material other than that coming from the one voice, that of the organization.
I have just awoken ,although still attending ,
and i realise how wasted the 35 plus , years I've spent in the "truth" have been .
Looking back now i look and see just how out of touch with normal people i was .
i was invited to plenty of work related events but turned all of them down on the premise that it was all worldly and not what a true christian should be doing ,
But now understand it was all an over the top form of mind control ,and so when i attend meetings now , anything that presents itself as that i reject at once .
