Welcome to the board "Passive Suicide".
You will find many others on this forum who are, or have been going through exactly the same as you. It's not easy, and it will take some time for you to gather together the information you require. Stick around, you'll find lots of very helpful people here.
I was fortunate to be able to escape the WT with my husband (Kaytee), and as all of our children are grown-up and not involved in the JWs it was easier for us to leave.
We were both in the Org. for over thirty years. During that time we never doubted that it was Jehovah’s Organisation, (although we were quite disillusioned by the brothers and sisters and their lack of love) until one day we came across the article written by the Guardian newspaper, re: Watchtower involvement with the United Nations. Even then we thought it must have been a hoax, still always believing that Jehovah was backing the Organisation. After checking many things out for ourselves, we came to the conclusion that the Organisation is full of hypocrites and liars. You only need to check out their history from their own literature to discover this!
Good to have you join us!
Twinkletoes
We found great help with Ray Franz's books. A real eye-opener to the workings of the Governing Body.