Difido, I can absolutely relate what you wrote.
Personally I was embarrassed 100% of having been a jw. So I didn't tell anyone much. I had to eventually get some therapy in my case. Even when I started posting here on this forum I felt shame wash over me and I struggled big time with those feelings. I didn't see that one coming. So I totally get that.
As far as reverse shunning. This is what I feel I embody as a person in regards my jw bio family and old jw friends that shunned me. I realized that after all my reaching out and being scapegoated and hurt thousands of times to many, I had to take my stance. I kind of secretly judged myself for shunning them in return. Now I don't. What peace of mind I may have left, I'd like to keep it.
I felt/feel like the damage is to extensive and even forgiveness pushes me to far. Some things it may not be healthy to 'forgive and forget'. I don't have to walk around pissed at them, but I sure as heck have control over what they know about me and control over whether or not I talk to any of them. I choose to not talk to them, any of them. Like I said, for my own peace of mind. And maybe their protection .lol.just keeping it real.
What I struggle with time to time is, I do get nostalgic thinking about some of the past and for a brief moment, I feel like saying hello to some of them. Then when my mind goes there I am suddenly off of those nostalgic thoughts and have to inject a bit of 'past results from that way of thinking' to snap me out of it. Which is a bit painful but I'm getting a lot better at it and turning those thoughts around much more quickly. It can be a challenge. Sure has been one for me.
Not sure if that made sense, just wanted you to know you are definitely not alone.