Chi Chi I haven't read the second page of comments but it sounds like the JW's is all you've ever known, that your entire life and self-worth is tied up with them.
Have you personally ever just read the scriptures with an open mind? Please make it a goal to begin asap. Read about Jesus treatment of people. Read about the message of forgiveness and acceptance it offers. Jesus message was of unconditional love.
vPlease evaluate how you personally feel about your actions. Make an effort to evaluate these actions outside of the "box" of just what you've been told by JW's. Try to determine if you arrive at the conclusion that you have sinned. Don't just base your opinions on just what the elders have told you.
Its important that you begin the process of learning how to think for yourself and how to develop your own ability to use your power of reason to know right and wrong, rather than being solely dependant on someone else (imperfect humans) telling you this. Also, you need to determine the level of faith you have in Jehovah as your God and whether you have a relationship with him personally. Its his opinion that matters, not the human interpretation of his opinion by people who can't read hearts.
Please strive to feel good about your decisions in life. Feel good about who you are and who you want to be. Set goals toachieve that you can feel proud of. Evaluate your strengths as a person and be around people who love you for being you. I'm mso sorry for your sadness.