Chichi89
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Many people on this forum have been through this experience just like you. And they are here to share your pain.
I was never baptised, so didn't get to this point. But others here have felt like you do now and they are now leading happy lives.
Please use this forum for the support you need. And if you are feeling really depressed I recommend seeing your doctor. A lot of people here have also experienced depression. It is understandable given the awful treatment they have received by people they love and that claim to love them. And it's brave to ask for help. Well done.
You might also be surprised that some of your old friends would love to hear from you. If they were real friends, they will understand.
All my love to you Chichi...you will be ok. This is the worst part. It can only get better from here.
Its a horrible cult that only wants to know you if you play thier game by their rules. Better you learn that now, than waste your whole life on it.