OutnFree,
I feel your pain. I think I can understand what DA is saying too - that we need to minimize the effect that humans have over our lives. I also feel some simile in your position to the book of Ezek. 34 beginning with verse 2. Keeping in mind that this was a denunciation to the Shepherds of Israel who collectively kept their position for a long time.
Jehovah said, "Woe to the shepherds of Isral, who have become feeders of themselves! (feeding their egos, power seeking, gaining prestige and financial benefit) Is it not the flock that the shepherds ought to feed? The fat is what you eat, and with the wool you clothe your own selves. The plump animal is what you slaughter. The flock itself you do not feed. The sickened ones you have not strengthened and the ailing one you have not healed, and the broken one you have not bandaged, and the dispersed one you have not brought back. and the lost one you have not sought to find, but with HARSHNESS you have had them in subjecting even with TYRANNY. And they were gradually scattered because of there being NO shepherd, so that they became food for every wild beast of the field, and they continued to be scattered. My sheep kept straying on all the mountains and on every high hill, and on all the surface of the earth my sheep were scattered with no one making a search and with no one seeking to
find."
How accurately does this portray what is happing in the Org. today. the number of shepherds who are qualified to handle the job properly are so few yet those who are incompetent are made to feel qualified and they hurt and devastate so many people. Jehovah calls these shepherds "no shepherds". Yet the sheep belong to Jehovah and he sees our pain even as he saw in Israel. I believe that he will eventually act as he says in vs. 16: "The lost one I shall search for, and the dispersed one I shall bring back and the broken one I shall bandage and the ailing one I shall strengthen, but the fat one and the strong one I shal annihilate. I shall feed that one with judgment".
Until that time comes, I am content to continue to study and let the Bible help me to find peace in the thoughts of Jehovah. I try to minimize others influence in my life. Glean what good I can find - wherever I can find it -then allow my trained conscience help me make decisions as I stand before my "Maker".
RVW