Xanthippe

Joined

• started 104 topics
• posted 4,713 times   see topics posted on
• send a message

Posts by Xanthippe

• 
  48

  Healing & Rebuilding Your Life - Feedback Wanted

  by jp1692 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i have been invited to speak at an international cultic studies association workshop this fall.

  i could use your help in focusing on my presentation subject.. these workshops are for former members of any cult or other high-control, authoritarian group, not just jehovah's witnesses.

  last year, i spoke at one of their larger conferences in europe.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  in time a person will find that words like " the truth " don't automatically pop up into your head anymore. It took me about 12 years or so to get to that point, - Flipper

  I'm actually surprised at this, the cult phrases just seemed to vanish after we left. We left in 1989 and the next year I did a computing course at college to help me get a job. I wonder if it was being in the real world with 'normal' people that helped me get rid of the JW mindset so quickly?

  I hope I'm not sounding arrogant Flipper, I'm just intrigued. Perhaps it was the necessity to find work because we were so broke after pioneering? It does drive you when you're left poor. We just focused on integrating into the 'world' because we had to make a living and drag ourselves out of the poverty trap. You had other problems with your jw wife and losing your kids to the cult, I know. It's just interesting, our different paths
  
  
• 
  30

  Cheese!

  by neat blue dog in

  1. social
  2. physical

  any cheese lovers out there?

  i just love virtually any kind, from creamy and soft to brittle and sharp, from cottage cheese to the 'moldy' cheeses like gorgonzola.

  i like to try new things, so any suggestions for cheese varieties you have tried?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  Brie with mango chutney in a sandwhich. Goats cheese is good melted under the grill in a pastry tart with red onion. I had feta in an omelette in Greece, delicious.
• 
  28

  Great news!

  by Half banana in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  it's a case of two down and one to go.

  my darling daughter has announced to the extended family that she has left jehovah's witnesses!

  deep joy!.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  Fantastic news half banana! A reward for all your patience and biting your tongue. Well done!
• 
  14

  Evolution of a congregation 1978- 2018

  by joey jojo in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  our whole congregation was excited as we stood in front of our brand new kh and smiled for the photographer from the local newspaper.. for years we had been travelling 30 mins each way to attend the meetings and now, after a big effort of donations and hard work we finally had our own kh in our own town.

  in the picture, there were 45 smiling faces of all ages, from the newborn to the old brother that had turned 100 and everyone in between.

  the year was 1978.. the congregation grew and shrank over the years, probably hitting its peak during the 80's and 90's, there was even a renovation in the early 90's that the local brothers donated towards, for the benefit of the local town to hear the good news about the imminent arrival of the end.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  Then, around 2012, the C.O. told the brothers that their little hall was going to be sold ........ Some of the brothers were a little hurt and complained to the C.O. but he assured them that the money was to the worldwide work and it would help anyone that the ORG decided needed it.

  It boggles my mind that after scrimping and saving for their own KH which should have belonged to them the Borg swoop in and steal it from them. Sheer daylight robbery!

  Thanks for this story which highlights the evil of this cult.
• 
  28

  I don't get why some point to the no tolerance for gays and subjugation of women as a JW thing.

  by blownaway in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  some churches have taken the step to allow gays, women instructing men ect.

  but its not a jw thing.

  its a bible thing.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  But if I were a bible believer I would have to either just ignore parts of the bible or hate Gays and Women equality with men. Thems the facts.

  Yeah I guess you would if your head was still stuck in the Bronze Age. Many Christians, and I'm not one of them btw being an atheist, try to accept the Bible as the work of imperfect men guided by God.

  They're not fundamentalists so don't believe every word literally. They try to bring Christianity up to date with compassion. It's not the way I wanted to go but I can see where they're coming from.
• 
  48

  Healing & Rebuilding Your Life - Feedback Wanted

  by jp1692 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i have been invited to speak at an international cultic studies association workshop this fall.

  i could use your help in focusing on my presentation subject.. these workshops are for former members of any cult or other high-control, authoritarian group, not just jehovah's witnesses.

  last year, i spoke at one of their larger conferences in europe.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  
  

  1. Examining our beliefs, the false and harmful (dysfunctional) core beliefs.

  2. Treatments & Interventions-seeking treatments from working with mental health professionals to self-help.

  3. Dealing with isolation and lonliness (shunning)

  4.Psychoeducation

  5. Discovering your authentic self

  6. The five stages of grief/loss Kubler-Ross model

  I'm not sure if you're speaking about beliefs in the religious or psychological sense but they tend to overlap in ex-cult members anyway. We need to be sure we know the cult is doctrinally wrong to prevent running back to it at moments of crisis.

  We also need to deal with our self-limiting beliefs of low self-esteem and guilt along with false beliefs about the real world. These include feeling people are bad, there is no point to life without God, further education is about arrogance and materialism etc.

  I would emphasise that getting therapy or councelling is a good idea but only if the practitioner understands cults. If they don't you really need to find someone else, so it can be a stressful process finding the right person.

  I agree with SBF, I'm not sure about the notion of an authentic self. We change, quite drastically I find, every few years. Life events change our perceptions and therefore our personality. I understand the concept that there is a 'real' person under the cult persona but the trauma of the leaving process alters us again so this is difficult to pin down.

  Having lost fifteen family members and friends including my husband over the last twenty years I have read Kubler-Ross and I like her compassionate style but I struggle with the stages of grief/loss. It's just not like that. You don't move forward in an orderly fashion, you go backwards and forwards for years through anger, denial etc.

  Do you ever reach total acceptance as Kubler-Ross suggests? I prefer what my psychologist said, you will probably be left with a dark pool of sorrow ( about your life in the cult) within yourself that gets smaller and smaller but never totally goes away.

  I disassociated from the JWs thirty years ago next February.
• 
  20

  Is the Earth really that great?

  by DATA-DOG in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i enjoy watching nature documentaries; david attenborough being my favorite host and narrator.

  that being said, i’ve come to the conclusion that contrary to xianity’s teaching, the earth is not “perfectly placed/designed for life.” .

  when you actually observe the world at large, without blinders, it’s a wonder that life even exists.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  Tennyson wrote about 'nature red in tooth and claw' about the time Darwin discovered natural selection. The earth isn't perfect at all, we have a battle for survival and no damn positive mental attitude will change that.
• 
  17

  Women and Children First Still!

  by Charles Gillette in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  at a time when women fly combat aircraft, when they are grant equality in education,in employment,in government,in athletics,etc.

  what entitles women to the status of children still?.

  women and children first when it comes to emergency situations.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  My Norwegian wife would be angry at the idea that she could not or should not accept her fate with the same courage as a man. (Actually there would be a charred, smoking hole in the ceiling where she went through it... -TD

  So Charles Gillette this is how modern women like myself and TD's wife feel about this archaic attitude. We are certainly not alone I know.
• 
  14

  Pregnant JW has "come to Jesus" moment

  by Lee Elder in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  a pregnant jehovah's witness rethinks watchtower's transfusion policy .

  after one simple question from her hematologist.

  read her story in this .

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  Great article, thanks. This conversation she had with her doctor struck me,

  "She asked me to double check with my elders or leaders about my alternative options for treatment since I really had trouble explaining myself"

  This is the problem with most JWs they have no idea what blood fractions are and yet they are prepared to give their lives for this belief system.

  Well done to this woman for doing her own research to protect herself and her unborn child.

  I can relate to the feelings of guilt she had and that she said she had to pace herself while doing the research whilst asking Jehovah for his understanding. It's so exhausting finding out TTATT it's good to take your time and find whatever way works to heal the guilt. Good result for this woman, she's on her way!

  
  
• 
  17

  Women and Children First Still!

  by Charles Gillette in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  at a time when women fly combat aircraft, when they are grant equality in education,in employment,in government,in athletics,etc.

  what entitles women to the status of children still?.

  women and children first when it comes to emergency situations.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Xanthippe

  I don't know who is saying women and children first. Do you have a specific example. When my colleagues and I evacuate the public building where I work if there is a fire, bomb threat etc, we evacuate everyone. Where do people get these ideas that women are still doing this that and the other, what the heck do you mean? Who is saying women and children first?