Posts by Veryconflicted

28

Repercussions for sexual immorality

by Veryconflicted in

hello, i was hoping to get some clarification about how people are disciplined for immorality as a jw.

i became involved with a co-worker a few years ago, she was fairly aggressive and she initiated a physical relationship very quickly.

at the time i did not know she was married and a jw.

Veryconflicted

I am certainly not looking for an excuse for revenge, or to justify revenge. It has been over 5 months and I just want to move on, but I am burdened with a lot of guilt. I should have been more clear, I wish I could apologize to the ex husband, I want to do that so I can stop feeling guilty about that aspect of it, but I know it's not a good idea. He was not a JW but she married him young and went through the process of dealing with all that (apparently it's a real pain) so she could still be a practicing JW. I don't know about JW rules or practices, that is why I'm asking about this situation here. It seems I'm worrying too much about running in to her and letting my emotions get best of me. The last thing I want to do is say something that will get her in trouble. The reason I am trying to be considerate of this is because i will always love and care for her, I wish that was not the case, but right now it seems my heart is set. Also, revenge is not something I want to be a part of. I have a lot of guilt about her ex husband, can't imagine how is feel of something I said got her in trouble. Again, I genuinely appreciate all the feedback, and I truly can't wrap my head around some of the JW ideology. It seems to be a very difficult faith to uphold. Thank you all again for the insight

28

Repercussions for sexual immorality

by Veryconflicted in

hello, i was hoping to get some clarification about how people are disciplined for immorality as a jw.

i became involved with a co-worker a few years ago, she was fairly aggressive and she initiated a physical relationship very quickly.

at the time i did not know she was married and a jw.

Veryconflicted

I am very moved by all of the advice and time taken to respond. I honestly can't thank you all enough, I'm totally floored. I need to find a way to move on. She is the only person I ever want to be with. I just need to come to terms with the reality of the situation. I will be reading these pieces of advice for weeks to come, over and over, trying to come to terms with this. I simply can not thank you all enough for taking time to help a stranger. What a wonderful group you are. Thank you.

28

Repercussions for sexual immorality

by Veryconflicted in

hello, i was hoping to get some clarification about how people are disciplined for immorality as a jw.

i became involved with a co-worker a few years ago, she was fairly aggressive and she initiated a physical relationship very quickly.

at the time i did not know she was married and a jw.

Veryconflicted

I'm trying very hard to move on. Five months and it is only getting worse. I know I am going to see her out after quarantine at some point. I just don't want to be the reason for her getting found out. I'm already feeling so guilty about the lying to everyone, I had met her parents briefly a few times, they know me as a co-worker only. I suppose that it is up to chance. I hope I can restrain myself if I see her and she is with family. Also, I don't want to totally burn my bridge with her because people can change, and I would want to give this another chance if possible. I know I sound silly but she is the love of my life. She is younger and I understand that people go through that. This is really helpful, I appreciate the time you all have given to respond. I've been so distraught, I needed to talk to someone about this but I can't because of the need to keep the secret. I wish I would have found this forum months ago.

28

Repercussions for sexual immorality

by Veryconflicted in

hello, i was hoping to get some clarification about how people are disciplined for immorality as a jw.

i became involved with a co-worker a few years ago, she was fairly aggressive and she initiated a physical relationship very quickly.

at the time i did not know she was married and a jw.

Veryconflicted

It's not rebellion. She still goes door to door and goes to meeting. It's just like a secret thing she does. She is a good person besides all of this. I would move on if I could. If I see her I won't be able to hold back, even if a family member is present, I just know it. I am curious as to how badly this would affect her standing with church. Maybe if I understand what would happen but would help me resist saying anything.

28

Repercussions for sexual immorality

by Veryconflicted in

hello, i was hoping to get some clarification about how people are disciplined for immorality as a jw.

i became involved with a co-worker a few years ago, she was fairly aggressive and she initiated a physical relationship very quickly.

at the time i did not know she was married and a jw.

Veryconflicted

Hello, I was hoping to get some clarification about how people are disciplined for immorality as a JW. I became involved with a co-worker a few years ago, she was fairly aggressive and she initiated a physical relationship very quickly. At the time I did not know she was married and a JW. When I found out she was married she explained she was in the process of getting a divorce, but it was complicated due to her beliefs. I was, still am very much in love with her, so I did not question her. Sometimes on trips for work (work in Portland but also travel for some things) she would meet other people in front of and end up sleeping with them. She had explained to me that she could not commit to me yet, but wanted something serious, but just needed some time to figure things out. After a few years we ended up spending practically every day together, and we're basically living together, but she maintained an apartment on her own. She successfully hid our relationship from her family and friends for over 4 years. I tried to start conversations about what would happen is she became pregnant, I did not want the first time her father net me as her partner to be under the circumstances of explaining a pregnancy. Besides that we were very much in love, and I was hoping and planning on marrying her. In the fall out of nowhere, she said she was conflicted and needed to stop our relationship, she wanted to start living by Bible principals again. For years she had written me countless notes stating how she couldn't wait for us to be together forever. I was devestated. She said we could not marry because it would be too complicated, and she was already once divorced. Despite breaking up she would still call me occasionally to just be physical. This went on for a few months. One occasion, she wanted to be physical, but would not remove her top. It was a very awkward scenario and troubled me. She was planning a trip to California for over a month in early December, and we were supposed to talk before she left. She ended up leaving without contacting me. I became very upset and sent her many messages detailing my anger, confusion, and hurt, as well as some suspicions. This upset her, but she did admit that the reason she did not want to remove her shirt the one time was because she had marks on her chest from another lover. I was devestated. She was already seeing other people physically, and was still physical with me. After this she stopped talking to me, said she needed some time and would explain after she had some time.to think. It is now May and I still can not think about being with any girl besides her. She will not speak to me, but informed me in March she had a new boyfriend. I feel incredibly guilty for my actions now, and am very heat broken. I want to get apologize to her husband for being with her and being at the house they shared when he was away. I want to get closure so I can move on. Portland is not a big place, I will undoubtedly see her out and about once quarantine is lifted. If I doninwill not be able to help myself, and I will want to ask why everything happened the way it did. If I do this in front of one of her family members, I will essentially be giving away the secret she kept. I do not want to hurt her, but I am so distraught and I know that if I do see her I won't be able to help myself from asking her questions. How severe is the JW community regarding this kind of behavior? I don't want her to lose anything, I just need closure, I am constantly troubled by this, losing her was worst thing that has ever happened, it haunts me daily, keeps me from sleeping. I'm so conflicted. If I do nothing I fear I'll just have a nervous breakdown. Hoping to get some honest insight from you all here. I appreciate anyone who takes time to read this and respond. Thank you