You know, I don't really know if I ever wanted to live in paradise, it was just a belief that I had that seemed as sure to me as Sunday coming around every week. Know what I mean?.....
I often wonder how deeply rooted this belief was now that I have left. NEVER have I ever felt sad that I no longer have this "prize" to look forward to. NEVER.
I do remember wanting to be happy in the here and now and not feeling happiness. Always felt like I was striving for something better....something more. That was of thinking really was a thorn in my side for many years. It hasn't been until the past few years that I can say that I can honestly know what contentment is.
I no longer am afraid or uncertain of death though. I have a wonderful life now and feel as if I am living in a "paradise" now. I want or need for nothing. I have a sprituality that I never experienced when I was a dub.