@jwundubbed, I grew up poor too. I'm sorry you feel so hopeless aside from the pursuit of education and possibilities that it holds, but I'm glad that you do have that thing to look forward to in the future.
Update: 2023 was an awesome year for me. My student loans were forgiven after 20 years of paying on them. I am no longer in debt over $5000. (The student loans were almost $100,000 because I could only pay minimum payments and the banks kept buying the loans and upping the interest rates) I never did go back for higher education... just certificates here and there that help me move forward.
I was hired at a medical manufacturing company in Quality Assurance and had permanent work and health insurance for a little over a year. It was a career field I had wanted to get into for a long time! My world view was content and so different from everything that I had experience previously that I was actually quite happy.
This year, 2024, I was laid off from that job. I don't even care. They gave a good severance package and so I took a vacation since I haven't had one in my adult life. After the vacation I got a new job, as a manager. It's a low-level manager position and doesn't pay well, but well enough to pay the bills and allow me to buy a car. I can work on certificates and education to get back into QA because I really loved that job in that career field. The current manager job will only give me more experience towards future goals.
What 2023 did for me was to give me a huge confidence boost. The work I did was challenging in the best way. I learned that I am very competent in a lot of areas. If I can get enough work, I might even be able to buy a house. That was never an option before now.
My outlook absolutely changed by having a good experience. And it is weird, but it turns out that you can make choices that have a good payout twenty years later. It turns out that I'm not good at making choices that give me instant gratification but that I am really good at making long term investment choices.
2024 isn't looking as good as 2023 but it i so much better than every year that came before. I am much more positive about my future. Now I only dream of DOOM! when I think it's funny... I have a dark sense of humor. Sometimes it hits me and I realize how profound it is to have grown up with a belief that doom is right around the corner and now to disbelieve that to the extent that I am making plans for my future... to live, to settle down and take root, to be a fully contributing member of a community in the worldly world. Life is good!