It wasn't always so harsh. Late 50's and 60's, as I recall, we could speak to a disfellowshipped person, just couldn't discuss anything spiritual...that wasn't hard. Also, they could fellowship with their relatives.
I am curious. My grandfather was disfellowshipped in the 60s and the story goes that my grandmother had to walk to the meetings despite a handicap. Nobody would give her a ride, because "it was worse in those days" and the rest of the family was considered disfellowshipped too.
I could have easily been fed lies or inaccuracies, I'm sure.