Posts by LifesNotOver

6

Let's call him brother.

by The Rebel in

jw
friends

door knocking has its occasional rewards, and if such a " newly interested one" advances to attend the " k.h" he will come in for a lot of complimentary praise.

in fact if he puts his hand up he is referred to us " our friend" .

" i am respected here" newly interested one " says to himself.

Man oh man! this brings back bad feelings. The love bombing felt sincere, well sort of .... I overrode my instincts, is what I did. I say trust your instincts, sometimes you read them wrong but there's a good chance you're right. Oh, yes, there's the old your heart is treacherous, and then there's also the old no independent thinking, so what can you trust? why trust us, trust what we're telling you, we know what's best for you, we're so smart we've done all this studying of the bible and we even have our own version of the bible we're that smart. We have the truth! I felt like I was making all these new friends (don't worry about alienating all your old friends and family, we'll be your new friends and family and we'll be better at it). Shortly after baptism I told an elder "now I'm baptized, I've been dropped like a hot potato". That felt good, that was before I was afraid to speak my true thoughts and feelings. I didn't know the trouble it could get me into, especially speaking my mind as a female and to an elder at that. He was very surprised, saw the truth in it I guess, and then he and his wife became good friends of ours. :)

Now that I don't care anymore, it feels so good to be myself again. I have to tell you a little story. The elders came by a couple of weeks ago to give me some encouragement ugh! of course it was early on a Saturday morning when they were out in service (wouldn't want to make a special trip, right?) I wasn't showered or dressed, we were just sitting down to a nice waffle breakfast, and there they are at the door. I wasn't going to let them in, but hubby was right there and oh! come right in, so nice to see you, we were just sitting down to breakfast but it's okay. Wife will make you some waffles. Not! I just sat there feeling so uncomfortable, didn't make waffles, didn't even offer them coffee. They finally caught on from my demeanor that I wasn't very pleased. Do they have no sense of boundaries? Oh, right, they knock on peoples doors early Saturday mornings and try to "engage them in conversation". And it feels good to be talking about "they" and "them" and not including myself. Well, after some awkward moments, well for me anyway, and for my husband too because he knew I would be suspicious why the elders were calling after they'd ignored me for so long and what had he said to them about me? Oops! long story here. Anyway, one of the elders looks over at me and says "I feel like maybe we're intruding" and I quipped back, looking over at the table where our breakfast's getting cold and down at my robe, "What gives you that idea?!" semi-sarcastically. Well, guess you had to be there to get the full effect :) It did get them out of here in a hurry, though, and it just felt good to feel free to let some of my smart-assed-ness come out again. I don't care what they think of me anymore.

What was the original post about again? Oops! LNO

10

Wife having lunch with her nosey Mother.

by Darkknight757 in

so my wife is really nervous about having lunch with her mother today.

she is an über-dub who is always asking probing questions as to our spirituality.

i think she knows that we are fading out.

LifesNotOver

Why not simply cancel? Or you cancel for her - "something's come up". I know my husband stood up for me in a very uncomfortable situation, and I appreciated it so much and I think he enjoyed being able to help.

17

Bye and thanks for everything

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

we really went at it this weekend.

pretty ugly!

well at least now the air is cleared.

LifesNotOver

Hello! When I first started this post and said "bye", I had in mind telling people where I'd arrived recently and then getting to the point of saying I was going to give this forum a break while I got my thoughts and feelings into some sort of alignment. Just seeing how it might feel to truly be free of the whole JW topic. I was getting all embroiled not only in my problem, but everyone else's here as well. I do that - unable to maintain a healthy distance.

So now with my husband promising to stay off the topic, with the elders being warned not to come by because I need my space, with no expectations of meeting attendance or service, I'll see how it goes.

But, you see, that's harder said than done oops! no, I meant that's easier said than done. I'm not fully awake yet this morning. Writing to say thanks and I'm taking a break from the forum to make sure I'm thinking for myself and not again under the influence, of course results in people responding, and of course I have to check back to see what people responded with, and then I want to respond to them, and of course I see other posts and want to see what people are saying about themselves, and round it goes :) Yep, I've become dependant. Maybe just slow down rather than expecting I'll cut myself off totally. I'm so hard on myself. Why can't I just relax, that's what I really need to do after the emotional roller coaster ride I've been on. I don't need to be making another problem for myself.

That said, I'm going to sign off, take a shower, and get on with my day. And make it a good one. I hope you're all able to do the same. LNO

17

Bye and thanks for everything

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

we really went at it this weekend.

pretty ugly!

well at least now the air is cleared.

LifesNotOver

Thank you for the positive reinforcement all! I feel so free! Knowing I would survive a separation from my husband quite well once the stress of it calmed down enabled me to be strong and resolute. I've done it before, more than once, but was more than a little stuck on the idea of being 70! Did I have the strength? Again?! I knew I'd find the strength if it was forced on me, so I'd find the strength if it was my choice. The strength I'd found within me before had never left - the JWs tried to take it from me, thank goodness I didn't let them. I didn't have any friends for practical and emotional support (other than your guys of course) if I needed it, but there are other resources, professionals. All I had to do was swallow my pride and ask the right people for help. Crisis line, police, counsellors, whatever I needed was there and all I would need to do is reach out. Who knows, I might have gotten even more sympathy and understanding and help because of my age :) Just thought of that now.

Knowing I don't have as many years left on this earth as I might like, the question loomed - how much of the time I do have left do I want to waste pretending? I needed to be true to myself. I couldn't foresee a better time to take a stand. Oh, I remember writing before that I hoped that my husband would die before long so that I'd have at least a few good years left where I'd be free of that religion - wow! Crazy-thinking, that's what stress and fear can do. I know my writing is kind of sloppy, changing tenses all over the place. Sorry to anyone who's into critiquing.

I saw my father on his death bed, he was so full of regret! He was so sad for the way he'd wasted his life, the missed opportunities, the hurt he caused his family. And he'd run out of time. I don't want that to be me, I want to be a better person, I want to be a happier person, I want to help other people live happier and more meaningful lives. At least have a small part in it. Maybe my kids won't let me close enough to teach them anything, but maybe others will. I do have something to offer. And my 17 years in this cult, what did I learn about life, and my 53 years before that, what did I learn? Maybe I can write about that. Help someone some way. I don't know.

So, I know my husband loves me very much and wants us to be together, doesn't want to live without me. I feel I could live without him and still be happy, maybe even happier with less stress - does that make me a bad person I ask myself? No. I think it just makes me a different kind of person than him, more practical, more capable, emotionally stronger. Maybe not capable of loving in that way.

He felt he had to take sides - me or Jehovah. I guess that's one thing he took away from the Remain Loyal to Jehovah convention. It's funny, but the elder he went to to talk things over actually gave him good advice. I'm glad he went to the elders because he sure wasn't listening to me. The person you're having the problem with isn't the person who's going to help you solve the problem. I think the elders are better at helping males than females, that only makes sense. Especially males who still believe and want spiritual guidance. That also makes sense. Anyway, the advice was to leave me alone. Don't preach. Don't try to convince, etc. Keep calm. If I don't want to hear anything about it, or be "encouraged" to do anything about it, just leave me alone. If I come around to their way of thinking again, it will be because I truly want to, something I've decided to do on my own. In the meantime, nothing spiritual in our relationship. Lovely! No prayers, no meetings, no service, no talking about any of it. Lovely! No elders coming by or phoning. Lovely! You mean to tell me it's going to go back to how it was before I ever heard about TT? Well, hopefully as much as possible anyway.

You see, that way he can have it both ways - he can have his cake and eat it too. He can have a happy wife and have his faith. And keep his hope that someday I'll come back to TT. I can have a happy life without the pressure from those guys and gals. I'll let you know how it goes. Right now I'm on a high, I'll admit. And it feels gooood!

I'm going to leave it at that for now. I'm mostly just blabbing but maybe someone can take something from my writings that might help them? I'll write more another time, but for now I have to go. Time's gotten away from me. Thanks for listening, luv you guys! LNO

17

Bye and thanks for everything

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

we really went at it this weekend.

pretty ugly!

well at least now the air is cleared.

LifesNotOver

We really went at it this weekend. Pretty ugly! Well at least now the air is cleared. Life's difficult! Different religious ideas sure make it even harder.

I don't want to make a long story of it. I don't think the details will help anyone else. Everyone's different. I stuck to my guns no matter how crazy he sounded. He knows from previous times that if push comes to shove (not literally) I will leave him. My trump card is that he needs me more than I need him. And I am stronger and quicker. The worst thing I could have done is give in and pretend I wanted help from the elders or sisters or him, that I was simply hurt or discouraged. That I was truly sorry for having gone onto an apostate website. So not true! More later, stay tuned!😃

30

What would you like to have known about JWs before deciding whether to get baptised?

by slimboyfat in

if you could go back in time and tell yourself one thing about jws would you do it?

and what would you choose to say to yourself?

do you think you could have convinced yourself not to get baptised if you chose the right thing to say?

LifesNotOver

I'd have told my 53-year-old-self: Give your head a shake! This sounds really fishy! Don't just take their word for it that they have the true definition of a cult and they're not a cult. Actually look up what constitutes a cult for yourself, find out if their beliefs match the definition, then as the saying goes: If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck." (something like that). No matter how loudly it proclaims that it's not a duck and tries to offer all this proof. - enough about ducks already!

I'd have told my 53-year-old-self: stop! you've stopped thinking for yourself - you're being brainwashed. Run away! Run away!

And I'd have listened to my children. Oh, maybe I'll apologize to them for not listening to them back then. That might help repair our relationship a bit. My daughter said to me when I told her I was going to be baptized - I thought you were smarter than that, Mom. I was offended. My son warned me of how difficult it was to leave that religion - he had a friend who was trying to get away and they wouldn't leave him alone, putting notes on his windshield in parking lots, coming by his house, etc. But who listens to their kids, hey? Aren't the parents supposed to be the older and wiser ones? Not necessarily so. I now remember asking the witnesses I was studying with about what would happen if I didn't want to study anymore, they said no problem, they'd simply not come back. I didn't test it out, but now I know if I'd tried to quit they'd have kept on and on at me about it. So they lied.

And I'd have told myself not to walk into a Kingdom Hall. I'd have told myself to trust my gut and stand up for myself! I knew enough back then about paying attention to warning bells in my head and in my heart and in my gut.

And now I have to learn to quit beating up on myself about my past choices. And love myself! LNO

22

Yoga. Evil practice?

by Darkknight757 in

as our fade continues, the wife and i have decided to take up "the forbidden practice of.......yoga"!!!!😱.

i was quite skeptical at first but so far it has really de-stressed our life in quite a spectacular way!!

not to mention the physical benefits.. anyone else try yoga or a similar discipline?

LifesNotOver

They try to spoil everything for you! Before I was ever a JW I practiced Hatha Yoga for years and loved it! It did nothing to my brain but relax it, and helped my body immensely. When I first heard "we don't condone yoga, it's dangerous - Satan will overtake your thinking." well, just another thing I went along with that didn't make a lick of sense to me. I'm still struggling with how I could have been so duped. I've recently joined the YWCA for exercise, and think I'll join their yoga class. Or maybe a class somewhere for older folks would be safer. I hope I find out that joining the Y is a no-no too - then for sure I'll continue my membership! Such a rebel .. hee hee LNO

19

My daughter graduated Bachelor of Arts with First Class Honours yesterday.

by Xanthippe in

.

stash: /intesoft-inc.appspot.com/post/867be77a3c2f41bd8d3b930cbfb629c0.html

LifesNotOver

Your daughter is a beautiful accomplished young lady, whether right way round or not. I'm sure you're very proud of her and she can feel free to feel proud of herself too. Enjoy your life!

18

LifesNotOver - Part Four

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

so ... i don't know if any of this is even of interest any more, i know i'm getting kinda bored with it :) so many other more interesting stories out there.

anyway, limped my way through 17 years being a jw until now.

not a good jw mind you.

LifesNotOver

Hey everyone - I want you to know I keep pouring over your notes to me and want you to know how very much you're touching me and helping me and strengthening me. I feel the love!I have to make this quick because my husband's just left the house to go and quit his job (nothing to do with all of this) so he'll be back soon and around the house all the time, affording me very little privacy. Dang it!

I'm looking into getting professional help. There's online help at Crisis Centre, I went on and had a quick online chat with a counsellor yesterday and she directed me to a couple of affordable counselling places. Said there's lots of help out there for me, I just have to reach out for it.

That's it for now - love you guys! Lifes not over!

18

LifesNotOver - Part Four

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

so ... i don't know if any of this is even of interest any more, i know i'm getting kinda bored with it :) so many other more interesting stories out there.

anyway, limped my way through 17 years being a jw until now.

not a good jw mind you.

LifesNotOver

So much to consider! Thank you!

Cangie - thank you for sharing your story with me. It made me nervous, which says to me to pay close attention. A reminder that one can never be sure of another's reactions - I needed to be reminded of that. I was already thinking that next time he and I spoke about it, that I wouldn't let myself be cornered again like I was last time, that I'd be close to the door if I wanted to leave. And that didn't scare me! I'm in some kind of denial. I don't know where I'd go. I have no family close by, have no worldly friends. The only friends I have are you guys! And I wouldn't even consider the elders - I tried that before on other occasions about stuff and learned my lesson there, for sure. Soooo, looks like I need to what? back to being as calm and clear and sure when I speak to him as I can be. Twelve years ago I got myself out of this pickle of a relationship by running away, three years later right back into the pickle jar. TTATT - the truth about the trap is more like it!

And if I decide not to try to get away, live a lie, that's soul destroying for me. I find myself just hoping he'll die soon so I'll be free to enjoy my last few years on this earth. yep, folks, I'm in a bad place right now. I'm sorry, this is me venting. Journaling is helpful, sure, but somehow it's more cathartic when there's someone listening. I need counselling, don't know where to get it. LNO