Posts by LifesNotOver

36

Sample Disassociation Letter please?

by LifesNotOver in

i want to send a disassociation letter to the elders at my old congregation.

how do i address it and what wording do i use?

i know it's not something i have to do, it's symbolic for me.

LifesNotOver

I want to send a disassociation letter to the elders at my old congregation. How do I address it and what wording do I use? Thanks for your help. I know it's not something I HAVE to do, it's symbolic for me. What I'd love to do is burn down the Kingdom Hall, now that would be symbolic! How cathartic would that be, right?

12

Guilt as Motivator

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

i've just come across this idea: i've been feeling guilty about not contributing more to this forum, given all the help i've received here.

i feel guilty that i haven't had it as bad as so many of you.

i feel guilty that i didn't have any jw family/friends that shunned me when i left.

LifesNotOver

Reading over my OP this morning and seeing what others see. I sounded like a crazy person. Thank you, Saethydd and kpop. I agree I need professional help. I just wanted to move on with my life, kind of skipping through life and being happy and joyful and making new friends. Holding onto that high and feeling of power I experienced when I first left the JWs, my husband, and my town. And reclaimed my extended non-JW family. And moved closer to my son and daughter and grandchildren. Living joyfully is not something that can be done so easily, as it turns out, not something that can be done simply using willpower and wishpower if there is such a thing.

I have been in group therapy the last eight weeks, this being the last week, and it's been helpful, but now is bringing up deeper issues that I'll be dealing with on my own unless I get some help.

12

Guilt as Motivator

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

i've just come across this idea: i've been feeling guilty about not contributing more to this forum, given all the help i've received here.

i feel guilty that i haven't had it as bad as so many of you.

i feel guilty that i didn't have any jw family/friends that shunned me when i left.

LifesNotOver

I've just come across this idea: I've been feeling guilty about not contributing more to this forum, given all the help I've received here. I feel guilty that I haven't had it as bad as so many of you. I feel guilty that I didn't have any JW family/friends that shunned me when I left. I feel guilty that I wasn't born in and had a so-called normal childhood and adulthood until I became a JW in my mid-fifties. I feel guilty that I had the strength to leave the JW's, my husband and my town. I feel guilty that I get to start my life anew. I feel guilty - not wanting to give back to this community. Just wanting to move on and live my life. Wanting to not only leave the JW's but the ex-JW's. No longer wanting to identify as an ex-JW.

Is this part of the FOG? I don't want to live my life in reaction to my guilty feelings. I don't even know what that would look like, to live a life not reacting to some imaginary guilt. I've felt guilty for some reason or another all my life. My biggest decisions have been made as a result of guilt. This all goes very deep. What am I getting at here? I'm just starting to examine this concept. I'm opening this to discussion if anyone wants to go there. Maybe with some suggestions for books on the subject? Or some words of personal experience? Thanks!

28

Birthday Wishes Welcome!

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

many of you don't know me or won't remember me.

i left the jw's and my husband and my home last september - forging a new life in a new town.

i haven't posted here for many months, but have been reading most days.

LifesNotOver

Many of you don't know me or won't remember me. I left the JW's and my husband and my home last September - forging a new life in a new town. I haven't posted here for many months, but have been reading most days. Long story short, I'm doing great most days. This is my 71st - WOW! I'd love to hear "Happy Birthday" from you guys! Anything funny especially - I need more laughs. I haven't made any friends yet, so you're my go-to's. Happy Birthday to Me!!

37

Just curious - is apostasy grounds for divorce?

by LifesNotOver in

i know only adultery is supposed to be grounds for "scriptural" divorce.

i'm a wicked apostate in their eyes, but my believing husband and i still can't get a divorce that would allow him to remarry.

we currently are separated - i have left him.

LifesNotOver

I know only adultery is supposed to be grounds for "scriptural" divorce. I'm a wicked apostate in their eyes, but my believing husband and I still can't get a divorce that would allow him to remarry. Right? We currently are separated - I have left him. I may not be wording this very clearly. But my understanding is that I'd have to sleep with another man and there'd have to be witnesses or I'd have to admit to it. Then he'd have to file for the divorce. I wonder if we even really have grounds for a separation. I don't think so - so we're technically "unscripturally" separated. Oh, wait, me being an apostate is probably grounds for the separation - what is it called? spiritual endangerment. Oh my goodness isn't this all so stupid? He could sleep with someone else and then I could get a "scriptural" divorce from him and then he could get remarried. But then he'd be disfellowshipped for adultery or fornication or something. The more I try and wrap my head around this, the more my head spins!

Also, just thinking :) if I were to sleep with another woman (no, I'm not inclined that way), would that count as adultery? I'm so glad to be out of that religion! It's nuts! And I'm not about to sleep with anyone, man or woman, I'm 70 for goodness sakes, not that that makes me too old or anything, I just can't see being interested in all that again.

Thanks for listening to my babbling and I won't be hurt if nobody wants to bother replying to this mess. :)

25

The J.W fishpond of marriage mates! How many of us married a idiot!! No choice.

by Witness 007 in

what a horror.

instead of there being "more fish in the sea" our marriage mates came from the small and crapy witness pond.

anyone got burned by going with mr or mrs you will have to do?

LifesNotOver

I married the same idiot TWICE, so who's the idiot In this scenario? LNO

18

VERTIGO: 'My head is moving through space where, in reality, it is not.'

by compound complex in

jw
friends

greetings, fellow posters:.

wishing you well and offering my sympathy if you've ever experienced vertigo.

my neighbor is a physical therapist and told me about the epley maneuver, which i am now researching.. have you ever been through this hell of total incapacitation?.

LifesNotOver

So sorry to hear you're going through this. I experienced extreme vertigo a few years back (dizzy, throwing up all the way to the ER, couldn't walk only crawl, UGH!!) It ended up being an inner ear infection. Antibiotics took care of it - I think the hospital put me on antiobiotic drip for the infection and also something to calm my stomach. I'm sure you've been checked out for this, but just in case .... please take care, my friend!

9

Cold war on homefront!

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

a few months back i let it be known to my husband that i was no longer interested in anything jw related.

when he took it to the elders, without actually divulging anything that might get me disfellowshipped like apostasy - well, he just basically told them i was all depressed and discouraged and everything and that i didn't want to be contacted by the elders about it.

i don't know what he actually told them, word for word, or what they actually said to him word for word, but he told me they told him not to do anything spiritual with me at home anymore - no bible study, praying, daily text, meetings via phone, jw broadcasting, discussions, etc.

LifesNotOver

A few months back I let it be known to my husband that I was no longer interested in anything JW related. When he took it to the elders, without actually divulging anything that might get me disfellowshipped like apostasy - well, he just basically told them I was all depressed and discouraged and everything and that I didn't want to be contacted by the elders about it. I don't know what he actually told them, word for word, or what they actually said to him word for word, but he told me they told him not to do anything spiritual with me at home anymore - no bible study, praying, daily text, meetings via phone, jw broadcasting, discussions, etc. He's sticking to the directions pretty well, except for the odd time when he just can't help himself and slips something in, which I try my best to ignore.

We had a couple of bad blowups when we tried to discuss my new thinking. So we try not to discuss it anymore, but we're left with nothing much to say to each other. We've had our difficulties in our marriage before this, who hasn't, right? It feels now like the only thing we had in common was our being in the org together and we were relying on that to keep us together and all we had to do was endure until the end and we'd be blessed with this happy fulfilling marriage in paradise. We used to kid that we were stuck with each other because Jehovah hates a divorcing etc. Wasn't really funny at the time, always hit a sour note with me. I remember one really bad patch we were going through just after I was baptized, and I remember it struck me so hard, thinking I wished we'd divorced before that because now we weren't "allowed" just because we were miserable together.

I can't be who I want to be while in this marriage, and it's killing me. And I'm back to having the bad dreams of ending up a bag lady on the street.

Sorry about all this blubbering, but I'm just beside myself these days! Oh, hey, if I'm beside myself I'm never really alone am I :)

Just venting, folks! Still waiting for my counselling sessions to start, a few more weeks on the waitlist I take it.

9

What is "marked"?

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

i've been curious for a while ... what is it when people type "marked" in their posts?

what does it mean and how does it work?

thanks..

LifesNotOver

I've been curious for a while ... what is it when people type "marked" in their posts? What does it mean and how does it work? Thanks.

16

I've been in love with a Jehovah Witness without knowing it for a long time, he hid it from everyone.

by sakurafeathers in

hello :) so i know this guy for almost 6 years, i met him when i was 15 and i felt in love.

now i’m 21 and he is 22. we were in the same class and got along very well and he seemed to like me too.

when i confessed, face to face he haven't admitted and he haven't denied it and he acted like he liked me too but couldn't be with me because reasons bigger than him, but i was too young to understand and he was young to handle the pressure he had.

LifesNotOver

My two cents' worth - cut your losses and move ahead with your life. I read others' posts here about him possibly fading and leaving this religion (cult). Even if he were to do that, there are no guarantees that he wouldn't choose to go back into it sometime down the road. Even though my husband had left the JWs years before I met him, he chose to rejoin 8 years after we were married, and took me with him :( He often said that "you can leave the truth, but the truth never really leaves you." He also said that when he met me he thought "here's a nice lady who is caring and kind and doesn't smoke or drink or swear - she'd make a great JW wife". That creeps me out now! In other words, he had a plan - maybe not consciously.

If the future I was contemplating had been spelled out to me like it's been spelled out to you in these posts, I'd have run for the hills. I'm making good on my promise to myself to leave this religion and I'm very proud of myself for the steps I've taken, but it's a hard hard road! It may very well mean the end of my 22 year marriage. The divide is so great now - I long for an authentically lived life again.

So, my dear, save yourself a whole lot of pain and cut yourself away. It will be painful now, but you can do it. You will be saving yourself from a much greater pain in the future. Keeping telling yourself that.

That's more than two cents' worth. I'm notorious for not taking other people's advice so I understand if you don't listen, but just know that the good people on this forum are always here for you.