This is a first time for me discussing this with anyone other than my husband or very close friends. Bear with me, this is years of confusion. Please do not judge this to be negative to JW.
I am 29 & was raised a JW from the time I was born. Everyone in my family was a JW, and most of them still are. My mother is very active in her religion. I respect that it makes her happy. JW is not for me. This makes my mother unhappy- she tells me often. There in lies one of my problems. How can I make her understand? Is it possible? I feel like my family share this special bond that I am not allowed to be a part of, and that hurts even though I know they love me. Sometimes I think that if I where to become a JW my family would except me and love me more, and then my rational side would jump to my rescue to remind me that withholding love isn't Christian anyway. Will there ever be an even balance? I am seeking what is right for me, and this is such a dissappiontment to the people that I love the most. The emptiness that lays in my heart is deep for, I'm starting to believe that it is hopeless for me to maintain a relationship with my family if I am to discover who I am! How do we choose? My family is part of who I am, if I lose that I'd lose a part of me. On the otherhand if I don't let go I'll never know how great I could be. I am pruned in guilt!! Is there anyone who is where I am? Do they have support groups for people like me? I feel like I am all alone in this thing. It is very hard for someone who was not raised in this fashion to comprehend the guilt that is dumped on you for having a mind of your own. Is there a way to overcome, and prevail without losing loved ones?
Any & all comments are welcomed. Thank you for listening.
I have failed to mention that mom left the Jw when I was around 11, when parents split up. Mom is back with renewed vigor. I never came back.