so my hubby has been on a bit of a roll about the jdubs, we were talking a lot about them & he said the buzz word he hate's the most is "worldly" why?
because he say's "with that one word they have condemned (according to their believes) a person as being worthy of nothing but death.
".
"The Friends"--generic term for fellow JWs, who may or may not be your actual friends
"Turn in your time"--just sounds ridiculous, plus the record keeping aspects always grated on me
"publisher"--odd term for a member considering most have nothing to do with printing books or mags
"making public declaration"--why not just say preaching
"the truth" and "make the truth your own"
only a few days ago i was walking around the house in a mindless wander thinking if i needed to seek professional help.
then i got the courage to seek the comfort of complete strangers on the internet and found a world of support here on this website.
thank you simon and whoever else has made this website possible.
Wow! Your story gives me hope to lay it all out there to my spouse. I've been a real chicken because things are so good in our marriage, I don't want to mess it up. But it is tearing me apart to keep it inside...
Maybe I can share a story like yours soon.
i've been updating the links at my web site and i'm working on the gtjbrooklyn pages now.
what would you say are the several biggest changesin the jws organization/rules in the last five years or so?
I would agree with those who mentioned the GB making themselves the FDS. I knew about 607 and 1914 for a long time, but it didn't bother me enough to dig deeper.
For some reason, the "new light" about the FDS really made me uncomfortable and agitated. It sent me into a research frenzy. I read the gospels, doing my best to remove "WT glasses" (hard for a born-in JW), and I came to the conclusion that it was only a parable, not prophecy. After that, the whole WT framework just tumbled for me. I no longer saw the GB as sincere bible students.
Another big thing was the Revised NWT release. I was already distrustful of the GB at that point. So I began comparing a number of translations, and once again saw manipulation and dishonesty.
My trust in the org was shattered and I doubt there would be much to restore it for me.
And seeing Lett and Morris in action has also been enlightening 🙄
warning of a long boring post ahead.
i feel like i need to vent my story out, as i feel quite helpless at the moment.. i'm 31 year old, married, father of toddler with another one on the way, due later this month.
i've been serving as elder for about 4 years now in a south florida congregation.
Hi Sanchy and welcome!
May I offer a woman's perspective? Your wife has a lot on her mind with a toddler and new baby almost here. Between you stepping down, expressing your doubts, a pregnancy, and a young child to care for her stress level is probably high and her energy/ability to deal low. Do your best to support and love her and throw yourself into fatherhood, now you will have the time to do that since you're not wasting so much time on being an elder. What you do and how you treat her will go farther than poking holes in doctrine. Many JWs in the younger generations (I'm 40) seem not to be concerned with doctrine, it's about family, social, and hierarchy. But if you do talk about something--go SLOW!
I was aware of the 607/1914 error for 20 years before it bothered me. I was aware of child abuse issues before I had my babies and it bothered me, but not enough to leave JWs. Once I had my children, I could not stop thinking about it. One day hubby and looked on the jw.org site news section and the Candace Conti verdict was posted! The next day we returned to the site to show my mom and it had been removed! What? So then I scoured the Internet to find more about the case and Pandora's box was open. From reading the all the media and court case info I could find it was beyond clear that the WT does not care about damage done to children from abuse nor do they protect children, or even do the right thing after the fact by reporting to authorities.
You are in a unique position to share some insight with your wife, since you were an elder with the inside scoop on how child abuse is handled. You can let her know you couldn't in good conscience administer or back up WT policies on child abuse. And you don't have to show her anything apostate. There seem to be news articles every couple weeks about some JW perv.
Again, I would stress not to make big issues right now. Just take a deep breath, love your wife, and your sweet babies.
Wishing you all the best with your family!
EyesOpenHeartBroken
hey ya'll!
i have been lurking for years on this site and others but never had the courage to post anything.
actually i was afraid of posting on an apostate site in the event i was wrong.
I think the big question you need to ask is if your husband's priority is staying an elder. If that is the case, I have seen many elder's wives join what has been coined "the sick wives club". They usually "contract" a nebulous, chronic issue (i.e. Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, panic disorders, anxiety, headaches, bad back). Your husband can stay an elder and you'll still get invited to social activities. And you'll not be questioned again. Your husband will probably know you're faking it, but maybe it won't bother him because the brothers will get off his back. I have seen this scenario more times than I can count and it has seemed to me that the elder husband was fully aware of the wife's true health situation. Just sayin!
I am very surprised that your husband agreed to this shepherding visit for you; it violates the headship principle and in all congregations I have been in, elders immediate families are not "shepherded" by the BOE.
In your case, fading will be a challenge that will require a bit of acting on your part.
BTW, I am not dismissing the above conditions as true health problems, but those are good ones to pick because they are chronic, incurable, and not terminal.
okay, i'm about to engage in a major word vomit.
just giving you fair warning as your time may be better spent somewhere else.. so, i'm sitting on my lunch break, bawling my eyes out, and writing on this forum to people i don't know yet probably have a great deal in common with but at the same time, used to scare the daylights out of me.
for years, i would come across this forum and 'lurk' awhile if you will, or see things on youtube.
today has been a horrible day.
what began as a day of joy finding out that one of my lifelong friends had her baby, turned into a nightmare when her brother called me to let me know she had passed away after birth.
i was in shock and didn't ask how.
the three hebrew boys chose death over bowing down to lifeless idols.
early christians refused to sacrifice to the emperor's genious.
jws in nazi germany refused to sign a document that will result in their release or spare them from execution.
Islandman-
Excellent line of reasoning. I could see this being very helpful in speaking with still trapped in loved ones. Thanks for your post.
when i was a teenager, i was told by an elder that because i smiled a lot and was known for my good sense of humor, that i should come across as "more serious".
so before i was appointed a ms, while in my late teens, i transformed myself into a much more "serious" brother.. were you ever told that you needed to work on something that you knew was stoopid?.
This thread is hilarious! Made me think of so many ridiculous things over the years. What a petty, petty bunch these "counsellors" are.
So here's mine:
I got counseled for not counseling someone else. What?! So here's the situation. I was a 20 year single pioneer sister. The 4 pioneers consisted of me, my younger sister, and 2 elders wives. Well, the 2 elders wives both had typical middle-age elder wife, queen bee issues. And so the rivalry between them began. The one was a true loud mouth bossy bully and the other was awesome at quiet sniper moves, slamming (my) car doors, unending silent treatment. This went on for at least a year and continued to escalate to the point that most other publishers would not come in service during the week because it was so miserable to be around these 2 women. My sister and I also started just going out in service on our own or with nearby cong about half the time. So one day before the meeting, an elder tells me that he and another elder need to meet with me after the meeting, but doesn't tell me what about. So through the whole meeting I was freaking out trying to figure out what I'd done and why I was in trouble (funny to me now😉). When they sit me down in the "doom room" they start with "We have to talk to you about a very sensitive issue...", then they bust out some scripture about keeping peace. At this point, I'm still thinking this meeting is about something I had done, so I'm racking my brain and totally baffled (I am a "live and let live person", so I rarely have interpersonal conflict). Then they start to talk about the situation with 2 rival women. They talk about how discouraging it has been to other people in the cong, and that people avoid service because of it. And then I agree that it has gotten really out of hand...so why am in this meeting? Well, they next tell me they want me to mediate and manage the situation, and they have told those 2 sisters that I would be doing all the meetings for service (no brothers went out during the week), and I would be in charge and they would have listen to my direction. These brothers then complimented me on my maturity and easy going nature. I then nicely told them, I would not be doing this and they should talk to these sisters. They said they met with the sisters and their elder husbands and no resolution was achieved. I told them I doubted I would be key in resolving this and I was floored grown, "spiritual" women could act like this. They just shook their heads and begged me to get in the middle. So I get home (still lived with parents) and tell my parents about my "meeting". My elder dad was livid, he called both these women and their elder husbands. He said, "When my kids were little, they learned that if you don't play nice, you don't get to play. Same principle applies. This ends now or a time out will ensue." The next Sunday, the one couple (the passive aggressive one) announced that they bought a house on the other side of the city. They moved away 2 weeks later. And within a couple months the bully sister had a new arch nemesis....
ugh!
thank you to the many people who have posted their experiences and advice on this site!
i have browsed a few topics but the threads that i seem to gravitate to the most deal with family.
there is certainly a lot that i can relate to in many of the anecdotes i have read.
Its funny but I was just thinking about this very thing....only in reverse.
My parents were baptized the year before I was born, and no other relatives JWs. We always kept a good relationship with nonJW family, my childhood was great, and I was close with my parents. My dad was inactive for a couple years when I was young, but later returned to JW activity. We always did a lot of fun things as a family and my parents organized lots of social events. They really did give us presents throughout the year and even made up our own family traditions and celebrations. They always encouraged us with school and even higher education. My parents were very much partners in marriage and child rearing, so I never really saw the nasty side of headship. Though my father became an elder, he was one of the "mercy" guys. I feel like my parents put their own spin and moderation on some of the crazier and more polarizing aspects of the"truth". We were also very insulated from any negative things with other witnesses.
So I came to the conclusion that the only reason for my "warm fuzzy feelings" about the JWs, was actually just family love and good parenting. There is no doubt in my mind that my parents would have been the same good and loving parents regardless of being JWs.
Living life as an adult JW has been eye opening and truly saddening....so to the OP I would say in my experience, yes, parenting blurred the lines...but in a different way.
