Suspicious. One of the great lessons in life i believe, is to "let it be". Let things and people be what they are. Continue to learn and study. Start with your religion, then go to the bible, then to God if you want. Take your own journey. Just look at the people that responded to your post. They are athiests, agnostics, Christian.....I mean, what is it almost all of us have in common right?
Start with wether your beliefs hold up to scrutiny scripturally sicne that has been your authority thus far. Ann gave another good lesson, which is to not assume you already know something. Try to look at it with fresh eyes. Allow yourself to be wrong, and for the possibility for life to not mean anything in particular, and then your opportunities to understand and transform will present themselves.
I don't mean for that to sound overly sensational, but I really do mean it. You are mad young. So no need to come up with all the answers of the universe before the end of summer ok?