Sorry AP. That sucks. It is amazing even now the control of the conditioning and what it has over us even when we no longer believe it intellectually anymore. But maybe it will help to view it that way.
In other words, the impact of that shunning isn't taking place around you, its taking place inside you. Essentially you have control over how it impacts you, even though it is difficult to think of it that way. I say next time the kids pull up, you go out to the car and say hello and grab the kids. These are YOUR children. Your ex-wife (not knowing the situation that led to divorce), is the only other person with parental rights. Plus your children are not getting to a seriously impresionable age. Your main focus should be to balance out the constant brainwashing they are going to be receiving.
It is kind of like self fullfilling prophecy. The shunned and ostracized one, end up needing the drink and being less motivated and having less community. Your kids will need YOU to foster a community, and friends apart from the hall. Don't be surprised if the first time to acknowledge a birthday, your children are conflicted, and a custody battle ensues. I mean that is how nuts this is. Just know that you need to be the reasonable one. You need to be the source of sanity with your childrens future belief system at stake.
Maybe putting the focus on the job you have with the kids, will help you overcome the depression and anxiety associated with this change? :)
