Posts by Skeptic

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

.

thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

Skeptic

Hey Richard,

Thanks also for your post.

Your welcome, confuzcious

This is not a joke, but sorry if I don't believe in the mantra that you have to have a mourning period or you need time alone.

Sit around and be miserable to prove I love her?

You might need this one day, but the quickest way to get over a lost love is to find someone else to love.

My wife isn't coming back, so excuse me if I decide to enter a new relationship.

I agree. Whether you need time alone depends on you and on what happened in your marriage. I personally think you do need time alone, but I certainly am not going to judge you. I just hope neither of you gets hurt if what you two have is a "rebound" relationship. But if both of you enter into it with your eyes wide open, you two should be OK.

confuzcious, people will wonder how you could be devastated by the loss of your wife and yet you could enter into a new relationship so quickly. Don't sweat it. No matter what you do, people will criticize it. You live your life the way you want, because you can't please everybody. It looks like you learned your lesson and that you won't try to hurt anyone.

Some of the people who are criticizing you don't give a rat's ass if people play games with hearts. So their opinions about you have little value to me. They have no business telling you what is reasonable behaviour in matters of the heart.

If you need someone to talk to, email me and I will send you my contact info.

Richard

14

Elsewhere and Somewhere - Are they the same???

by Elsewhere in

jw
friends

some people seem to be confused as to whether or not somewhere and elsewhere are the same places.

i can understand the confusion.

they are both from the 13th century or before they both refer to a place they are both "in" a place they both can be "to" a place they are similar in pronunciation

Skeptic

I have always assumed that Elsewhere was Somewhere because if Elsewhere wasn't Somewhere he would be Elsewhere which is still Somewhere.

However, Somewhere cannot be Elsewhere because that would be Somewhere else.

Richard, of the going dizzy class

39

What REALLY Happens During A Judicial Meeting

by minimus in

jw
friends

you're in front of 3 elders and are being asked all types of questions.

you are afraid that you might get disfellowshipped.

the elders tell you that you must speak the truth, since jehovah hears all and since jehovah hates a liar.

Skeptic

Edited by - Skeptic on 3 February 2003 21:24:22

10

Is JR Brown a liar?

by William Penwell in

jw
friends

as on an earlier post, an interview with jr brown:.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=43356&site=3.

when jr was asked, is yours the only path to salvation?

Skeptic

When JR was asked, Is yours the only path to salvation? He replied, " Well when you put it that way your trying to say that unless you do exactly what Jehovah's Witness do that you won't get life. The answer is NO because God is the judge as to who gets life."

Judging by the above quote, JR pulled an old trick. He didn't answer the question asked, he answered a question that he wanted answered.

I once worked for a dishonest employer who used that trick. He would not answer tough questions. Instead, he rephrased the questions to a similar sounding but different question and answered that one. Then he could give the answer that he wanted to give, and you had the illusion that he answered your question. And he was legally off the hook for lying.

Richard

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

.

thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

Skeptic

Confuzcious,

But yes, I joined in a threesome with my wife and another girl.

My wife also later went with the the other girls husband although I'm not 100 percent sure what they did.

If your wife and you approved of the threesome then neither cheated on the other. Consenting adults should be allowed to do as they wish.

When I made reference to your adultery, I take it that you did not have your wifes permission.

The issue is not what was done in the bedroom, but the honesty and human dignity associated with it. If you and your wife agreed to sleeping with others, that is not immoral. But if you dont have her permission, it is wrong.

That said, simply allowing each other to get sexual with someone else is an invitation for trouble. It may not be immoral, but it may not be wise either. Jealousy can rear its ugly head, or one of you could fall in love with someone else. Such experimentation is best approached very carefully, or not at all.

So I let the whole thing pass, but when we got into a fight later on, I brought it up.

So one thing led to another and she left me.

Not a good idea. You implied that it was OK by your earlier actions. You have no reason to bring it up.

This is all new still so I'll fill you in. She's not talking to me and won't return my calls. So yeah, I think my marriage is toast.

I am truly sorry to hear that, as it sounds like you have changed or are in the process of changing.

I lost my wife and that's one of the most devistating things that could happen to a man. Even worse, is to know that it was ultimately your fault.

Yes, that would be devastating. As for me, my marriage ending was truly the best thing for all of us. My ex and two of my three sons thanked me for having the courage to end that disaster of a marriage.

Don't think of this as an ending. Think of it as a new beginning. Now you are free to shape your life as you wish. It will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. Hang in there.

Your best bet is to use it as a means of improving yourself so that if you choose to marry again, you will be a good husband and you and your new wife will be happy for the rest of your lives.

Richard

Edited by - Skeptic on 31 January 2003 12:49:18

16

Sperm Donors and Egg Donors

by MrMoe in

jw
friends

tonight my daughter and i went window shopping at dockside imports then swung by super walmart to pick up a new pair of pajamas for her to wear.

i pulled into the parking lot at walmart, and parked rather far back, as the entire area was packed with cars.

we goofed off, and i held her as i went skipping along.

Skeptic

(((MrMoe)))

You have guts and I admire that. Chances are the kids got a good beating for "acting out so that we had to correct you and got embarrassed in public". But hopefully, just hopefully, their mom will take action and get the hell away from that father.

Thank you for standing up to them. Most abusers hide who they are in public. Since they don't bother....even going to the point of threatening you publicly....I shudder to think of what those kids go through at home.

Maybe if more people spoke out as bravely as you did, abuse would be lessen or eventually eliminated as the social pressure gets applied.

Richard

Edited by - Skeptic on 30 January 2003 22:52:44

3

you'r donations

by kls in

jw
friends

ever wonder how much money you gave to the org.

for books and pamplets, and then the donations cause the org.

can't keep spreading lies without it .

Skeptic

[Removed because I posted the same thing twice.]

Edited by - Skeptic on 30 January 2003 21:35:24

3

you'r donations

by kls in

jw
friends

ever wonder how much money you gave to the org.

for books and pamplets, and then the donations cause the org.

can't keep spreading lies without it .

Skeptic

I remember being asked a similar question when the elders investigated me for apostacy.

Basically, I didn't give the Witnesses much money, or spend much money on Witness issues.

Yes, they got some for the literature. But let's face it, the literature is not very expensive. Its not worth what we paid for it, but that is a separate issue.

I was too poor to spend much on them. They have other ways of getting rich, and they certainly did not get rich by taking it directly out of my pocket.

Now, I wish that the money I gave them went elsewhere. But, as I told the elders, it wasn't that much anyway. And I told them I did not mind financing my wife's JW activities. The costs were modest, and she has the right to spend money as she pleases.

Richard

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

.

thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

Skeptic

confuzcious,

WHEN YOU COMMIT ADULTERY AND YOUR WIFE TAKES YOU BACK, IT IS DONE. It is done in the eyes of the worldy courts and it is done in God's eyes. You are forgiven and you start from scratch.
So before you guys get up on your high horse, YES, I committed sins, but when a wife TAKES YOU BACK - even SEVEN TIMES, then the matter is over. IT DOES NOT REMAIN a "Get Out of Jail" card forever where you can go back any time you like to get out of a marriage.

No wonder she left you, with an attitude like that. You lost your marriage because of it. Don't you think it is time you grew up?

How many times should she forgive you? 100? You believe you can screw around on her 99 times and get forgiven....then when you screw around on her for the 100th time, she should treat you like it never happened before? After all "the matter is over" so those 99 times don't count? What planet do you live on?

Now for the real world. The time to consider whether or not to commit adultery, is BEFORE you do it the FIRST time. Because even if they "forgive" you, they may not be able to, and it will eat at the marriage. If you are going to screw around on your wife, be prepared to toss the marriage out the window. Cause once you cheat, you can never undo it. And very few spouses can forgive and forget that their mate cheated. They will try to, but most can't completely get over it.

Maybe you can forgive her. That's good. Maybe she can't forgive you. And I don't blame her.

I understand that there are very, very rare circumstances that make adultery completely understandable and forgivable. But your spouse may not see it that way. And it isn't my opinion that counts, or anyone elses. It is your wife's opinion that counts. When you screwed around the first time, you had decided that your marriage was worth losing. You took a chance, and you lost.

Maybe she wasn't a saint. Few people are. And how you handle the legal end of it is your business.

But if you think you can screw around on your wife...especially twice...and think she is a creep for leaving anytime afterwards, you are fooling yourself.

People who think they can commit adultery and get forgiven and all is OK are fools. You have some nerve saying it is over and that she should never have left. It is like someone who plays Russian roulette and then complains when the gun goes off. You decided she should leave the first time you put your meat into someone else's bun. You sure as hell weren't saying that you thought she should stay.

This is the time to own up to your mistakes and start over. Your marriage is toast. The best thing is to learn, and start over anew. It sounds like you have learned from this. Build on that. Build yourself a good life, and build yourself into a man worthy of that good life. It looks like you have started on that good path.

Richard

Edited by - Skeptic on 30 January 2003 19:9:4

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

.

thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

Skeptic

The fact that she forgave him--that was her business. But once something has been forgiven, you can't build on it later if that person does something else to piss you off. You have FORGIVEN it.

LDH, as general principle, I would agree. But in the case of repetitious behaviour, I would take previous cheating into account.

I have had lovers cheat on me and I forgave them. Trust me there are worse crimes, especially when there are circumstances that need to be taken into account. If their cheating happens again and again, then the past "forgiven" behaviour should be taken into account. Because then you know that they are going to keep doing it. At that point, there are a few ways of handling it, only one of which is to end the relationship.

I know we love to bash the society around here and I've done plenty of that. But sometimes we need to take responsibility for our lot in life. I think this is one of those times. He messed up his marriage. He claims to be devasted??? Wonder how she felt when she found out he was banging someone else???

I couldn't agree more, LB.

Richard

Edited by - Skeptic on 30 January 2003 17:13:18