thank you blacksheep. Im going to DL it and read it soon. maybe to my son lol
crystlew123
JoinedPosts by crystlew123
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36
My story. not that interesting but, I want to tell it.
by crystlew123 inhi my name is crystle.
( i dont care if my congregation finds out what i am posting.
i havent been "in" for ten years and i have already told severl members what i think and where they can shove it...:/) i am 27 years old, and a single mother of a wonderful 6 year old.
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36
My story. not that interesting but, I want to tell it.
by crystlew123 inhi my name is crystle.
( i dont care if my congregation finds out what i am posting.
i havent been "in" for ten years and i have already told severl members what i think and where they can shove it...:/) i am 27 years old, and a single mother of a wonderful 6 year old.
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crystlew123
Grandma
Tried to open the link to abobs but it said it was expired or something!
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39
do you remember the Last assembly you attended?
by crystlew123 ini dont remember the date.
or the year or if it was a district or circuit.
what i do remember is that we rode up with a car full of other female witnesses.
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crystlew123
I dont remember the date. Or the year or if it was a District or Circuit. What I do remember is that we rode up with a car full of other female witnesses. My dad was unable to attend for some reason. I think he had just had surgery. In anycase... There are like six of us in the van. I REALLY didnt want to go. REALLY REALLY REALLY. I begged. I bribed. I did everything I could not to go- even saying I had to stay home to help dad out. I was 15? In anycase. I made some remark and got instnt reproof from all the sisters in the car. So I did what every teenager does and sank into the back of the van, pulled my headphones on and disappeared.
The next day AT the assembly. I roamed around. I walked my a@@ off. But I had brought a blanket and a pillow INSIDE with me. Carried it to my seat. I was also a avid writer at the time (all stories NO JW should ever read let alone write. Vampires, ghosts, sex, pornographic stuff lol) I wrote until my arm fell off, not hearing a single word that was said. Then I pulled my headphones from my bag, wrapped up in my blanket, popped my pillow under my head and nodded off wit the walkman on LOUD. I know the sisters and brothers around us could hear it but nothing was said. Whats even better was that it was ANDREW WK, and the one song on there that I played and replayed over and over was I WANT SEX. He screams it about 500 times during the song. I fell asleep. SLept through damn near the entire day.
Needless to say Mom was NOT impresssed. But she never stopped it either. I think she had given up at that point. But then my mom was never confrontational either. I think she probably just sighed and cried to the other sisters....seeing as how she did leave the room that night to go to the other sisters room for several hours...I wasnt invited....ha.
I know I did the same thing the next day too. Wrote pages up on pages up on pages of story, all the while my walk- man screaming I WANT SEX into my teenage ears.
The ride home was....interesting to say the least. I was pretty much avoided- even in the small cramped van, other than a lecture by the other sisters when my mom wasnt around about how I was hurting my mom, and Jehovah of course. I just shrugged, glared at them and said "I didnt want to come to this crap anyway." then something about bringing up children in the lords way or some other crap like that from them. I think i basically just turned my music up higher and dove into my writing.
Oh, one more memory. Since dad was an elder he gave talks at other congregations frequently. I remember being an avid writer then too. I remember more than one brother (and sister) complimenting me on my "note-taking". I just smiled and nodded. My dad always gave me this look of dont you dare say anything , dont you dare- he knew what i was doing, but couldnt stop it. I would take about a page of notes ont he actual talk just to convinve him I was doing what I was supposed to then I would turn the page and hop on off.About the only way I could STAND to be at the meetings and not die from boredom or from laughing my a@@ off at the rediculousness of it all.
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Jehovah's Witnesses cease to exist before the year 2000
by rory-ks inseptember 1st, 2012, can be marked down in the theocratic calendar as the day the watchtower bible and tract society marched shamelessly into the 21st century.
on that day, jw.org, official website of jehovah's witnesses, went live, and with one strike the organisation put a match to its past.. .
seek out the society's online library, its searchable database of publications, and you will soon see that it has only made available literature published since the year 2000. inclusion of the generic work, insight on the scriptures, is of no consequence.
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crystlew123
well at least my parents would be for ced to have the internet in thier house again....but then I would have to teach them how to use the internet an computer. and probably they would try to not get a new compuier but use mine.....sigh.....Its a win/lose situation
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crystlew123
Yes I have, lol. I thought it was funny. I had all sorts of acronyms (SP?) for my record. Elders often asked me what they meant. SOme I couldnt say without getting in trouble for. (I was only 13) I cant remeber them all now but i know turnin them in and watching the elders face every week was fun. .....to name a few, of course he would eventually figure them out (esp when we switched to a younger elder for time keeping.....oops)
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36
My story. not that interesting but, I want to tell it.
by crystlew123 inhi my name is crystle.
( i dont care if my congregation finds out what i am posting.
i havent been "in" for ten years and i have already told severl members what i think and where they can shove it...:/) i am 27 years old, and a single mother of a wonderful 6 year old.
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crystlew123
Thank all of you for your support and comments, (today my A works...im at work lol... Sitting on the reception desk with nothing better to do than run the internet!!!) I have thought about counseling- in fact went ot a therapist twice but never got past the first session (where they basicaly just figure out what you have done before etc...) I suffered really bad depression for several years and once called my mom in the middle of the night telling her i was going to take a bottleof tylonal pm and drink a bottle of tequila. yeah, my cousin who worked at behavioral health was over in like ten minutes and she lived 45 minutes away.
Basically I am on medication to control the depression, and yes its helping. Some nights I lay in bed and wonder if I can make it. But my little boy is the only reason I am still alive. ( hes also the reason I went back to school. Gotta give him everything I didnt have growing up) What would he do without me. he would grow up Jw is what would happen. I cant let that happen. His father would lose his rights and end up having no say in what happened to him (due to his situation for thelast ten years).
I am the youngest of 8 children my father had and the only one my mother had. ( ( have step bro's and sisters") They are all grown and never had to endure the JW life because my dad and mom didnt become JW until about a yearbefore I was born. My grandfather was a babtist preacher (back in 1920's on thru till he died) He told my dad he was abusing me. That the faith he had chosen was wrong and he shouldnt be raising a child in it. Of course my dad jus started discussing the bible with him, trying to indoctrinate him. Ha! that worked out well. LEts just say they argued more than studied. Lol. My other family members didnt agree either and when they herard I had left where surprised but happy and supportive.
I commited a great sin the other day .... I thought about going back. (GASP!) But then I popped online and found this forum again, saving me. I was lonely. Scared. Having douibts. Maybe Just maybe I could live the life. Skirt around the edges. Would my life be easier? Would being in Jehovahs organization make things better? I had to scour my brian, thinking of the reasons I had left, of the basic doctrines of the faith before I decided no, it wouldnt. I would hate myself. and I think my son would hate me too. He loves His birthday, and christmas....and holloween)
I had his birthday partty at my parents house this year- with thier permission. Of course, they were going out for the afternoon, date night I guess, going to see some fellow sisters and brothers. I had six kids , my ex his girlfriend and one of the kids parents.
I posted on FB that the party was at my house. the time. even that my parents were going out for the afternoon so it was PARTY TIME!Etc about a month before-hand. Guess what happened?
A JW found out the party was at the house. MY DAD AND MOM got called to a MEETING to find out why they were having a birthday party at thier house. I got called to the table for a family meeting and the situation explained to me. (yes i was still alowed to have a party at the house since my dad is big on promises) I asked who had "ratted" me out and why it was even thier business. (I suspect it was the next door neighbor who is also JW) My parents refused to tell me who it was. I said dont I have the right to face the accuser?
In any case becauseI have a few pictures of my son on facebook (security settings limit viewing to my family and his dads family) I also got chewed out.
Im still trying to figure out how any JW knew I was having said party because Ia m not friends with any JW on facebook. ALthough my aunt is, but she is not on my FB. She recently got chewed out for dating outside the truth, and my grandmother got counseled for celebrating her brithday (pics once agains posted on FB) I kinda wonder if my aunt snitched us all out? Or if one of her JW FB friends followed pages till they fou nd me. IT wouldnt be hard...afterall i Grew up in the congregation and in the same town I live in now. Everyone knows me. I did how ever [post a response on FB telling JW's to stay the f*ck outa my life and so on. It was rather a nasty rant. my neighbor hasnt said shit to me since that day. He used to at least wave and say hello, along with his daughter who was my friend growing up in the JW faith. I guess that seals the deal for me lol.
Ugh sorry. Venting again. I didnt meant this post to be so long.
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Jesus invisible presence in 1914, what purpose did it serve?
by jam inwhy did jesus arrive invisible?
what is he supposedly to do.
for mankind since 1914?
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crystlew123
Just to let you know. ..
I HAVE JUST WIRED $1 MILLION TO EVERY JWN MEMBER'S BANK ACCOUNT!
it should appear in your next statement.
Invisibly of course!
DAMN!!! you had my hopes up!!!! How am I supposed to spend invisible money? at the invisible wal-mart I suppose?
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I'm lost
by Dyfii innot at all.. i tried to kill myself 3 times.
i was 14, nobody likes me at school, my weight was a problem, i tought that god wasn't there for me, my life had no sense.
at 15-16 i decided it was enough.
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crystlew123
I feel as if i should say something here. But being a newbie on this forum im not exactly sure how I should word it, or even if I should come out nd say it. I too am not "normal". I am not homosexul, or herterosexual. I am attracted to people by thier personalities. This ws very confusing to me growing up. I guess I'm bi- lthough I hve not hd a relationhip W a female. In anycse, I never discovered my true self until I let myself see that if God hdn't wnted me to be the way I am, he would not have alllowed this to happend - even back in history. If god wiped all the homosexules out...then how come we have it today ? GOd wants you to be happy- no matter who you are attracted to. The fact that JW try to control who you can love and how you ccan feel is just another Mind Control Game- with them knowing all the rule and you not being told any until you breaak one.
I guess wht I am trying to say is tht BE WHO YOU ARE. Stop trying to hide it. Yes, you my lose friends - but friends who leave you becuse of who you truly are were NEVER your friends to begin with. I leaarned this the hard way. I lost all my so called JW friends when I left 10 years ago- nd I was sad for little bit- but being allowed who I truly am is worth more to me than false friends.
As for family...well thts a little tougher. I k ind of look t that the same way I look at friends. Family is supposed to love you unconditionlly. they rent being true christins if they shun you or never tlk to you again bsed on the fact you werent born with the sexul orgns you believe you should hve. Its kind of like a parent hating thier child because it has an extra toe, or Downs Syndrome. You were born with it. You didnt choose it. They "Made" you, you didnt mke you.
God Luck with all of it
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My story. not that interesting but, I want to tell it.
by crystlew123 inhi my name is crystle.
( i dont care if my congregation finds out what i am posting.
i havent been "in" for ten years and i have already told severl members what i think and where they can shove it...:/) i am 27 years old, and a single mother of a wonderful 6 year old.
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crystlew123
I hve a degree in Medical Billing nd Coding which I received almost a year ago. I am on KTAP and SNP and Medical Card. I currently volunteer at hte locaal hospital Hospice program so I can get my foor in the door so to speak. I have been there for about 4 months. I have had a few interviews but i alwys get the we hired omeone with more experience thn you hve letter.... bleh.
No I never recieved counseling for the trauma, pretty much just being my own psychitrist, lol, not alwys the best way but its the only way i had nd for somereason I ve never liked the thought. Maybe becuse Im embrressed tht I end up showing emotion over something tht hppnd long time ago nd for ll intents nd purpose should be "over", and i kind am, but maybe....anyway....
I know my parents love me nd only did wht they thought ws best for me, in keeping in line with the WTBTS of course. I didnt hve a horrible childhood, but defintly not a gret hppy one either. Mny people have hd worse thn me and I cant compin too much bout it, but I see more nd more of my family heded down this road- my cousin in currently studying nd she asks me things all the time.... I try not to come off as bitter- but I am I hve to dmit. Even he thinks my childhood got fucked up by it. she sys she isnt going to be like my 'rents. I have direected her to "neutral" sites nd rndom posting I think she might find interesting. told her some questions to ask her Biible study person (really hard to not say names as I pretty much see these people every day lol)
The only thing I can hope to do is show her the truth bout what she is managing to get herself into, and find a way to get my son away from my prents ide of heaven....
Now I need a and a ... *bangs head on key board hoping the A will strt working again....
Thnks for being here people... its nice to feel like part of community even if I lurked for LONg time before participating
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My story. not that interesting but, I want to tell it.
by crystlew123 inhi my name is crystle.
( i dont care if my congregation finds out what i am posting.
i havent been "in" for ten years and i have already told severl members what i think and where they can shove it...:/) i am 27 years old, and a single mother of a wonderful 6 year old.
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crystlew123
hi my name is Crystle. ( i dont care if my congregation finds out what I am posting. I havent been "in" for ten years and I have already told severl members what i think and where they can shove it...:/) I am 27 years old, and a single mother of a wonderful 6 year old.
I was a born in - 1985. My dad was an elder pretty much as long as I can remember. Constantly gone for one meeting or another, or at the kingdom hall "studying" or preparing fo rthe meetings. My mom pioneered until I was probably seven yers old. And yes, I was dragged in the FS race for all that time. At maybe five or six years old I was sexually molested by my babysitters son (who were all JWS and babysat other members of the congregation). I have vague memories of what happened, nd have inquired as to what happened/ how it was discovered and so on. All I was realy told when asked what happened to him (expecting to hear JAIL or PRISON) was told he was sent to live with his dad in Cali. A few years later (I think I was 10 or 12 ) I saw him at his sisters wedding. I wont even go into how that shocked the hell out of me, although I had heard rumours he was going to put in an appearance. Especially when he showed up with kids of his own in tow.
In anycase, I was a very fucked up kid. I had ocd about Prayer. I prayed every fifteen minutes for one imagined infraction or another. Basically If I looked at a male ( I was only ten maybe) and accidently looked at his "spot" as I termed it at the time. In my mind that was a huge sin and Jehovah would never forgive me. (I was a very curious child, probably more curoius than most children) and my mom worked at a hospital so we always had some kind of medical dictionaries and medicl books hanging out around the house. I tought myself about sexual organs and sex. I dont remember ever actually remember having THE TALK with my mom or dad.
Growing up was pretty lonely. I was the perfect JW kid. (at least when others were around) and everyone in the congregation pretty much believed that. And I suffered for it in the friend section. Other parents of kids my age werent as strict as mine were and with my dd being an elder, I was rarely invited to parties and other things. Even if I ws invited I seldom got to go because of things that had posssibly happened at other such parties with the sme people involved. I was basically alone in the world. My mom was my best friend. (still is, but in a different way) A
A few years go buy, I go to school and so on. Then when I was about 15 we got the internet. Now, Im not saying the internet cause my downfall, but it sure didnt stop it.(along with the whole Silent Lambs coming out right along that time- I also was CONSTATNLY in the EX-JW room on YAhoo) When I was twelve I hated going to FS, or meetins and rarely gave a presentation- only when forced to . I was on stage a lot being the elders and PO daughter. But I usually wrote the talk at the last minue, and barely made the three minute mark. (yeah.....) anyway, internet. , b ut I did find friends and BOYS that liked me. This didnt go over well with the parents. I found a boyfriend. A good guy. Jus tnot JW. And at that point I hdnt quit.
somewhere in this time I decided I was oging to read the bible. All the way through as good JWs are supposed to. Maybe I just wasnt being good enough Jw,,, or some crap. I didnt even make it through the first ten chapters of Gen. before i found a hundred things tht I interrpreted s dffferent from Jw. Lord if tht didnt cuse an uprise with my prents when I asked them about it. The beginning of the end....
At Sometime, my mom asked me if I was having sex. Yes. she immmediatly took me to the doctor to get tested for anything and everything. Put me on birth control. ETC ETC. At this point I was [pretty much living at my aunts house ( a Non JW). Id go home basiclly at night after eveyone had gone to bed and leave again the next day- or just stay at my aunts house.
So the S##$% hit the fan. Dad called me and asked me if I wanted tot alk to the elders about me...."sexual experiences" yadda yadda yadda....my response was silence, until i opened my mouth and said "Now, dad, why in the WORLD would I want to sit in a room with a bunch of old guys Ive known my whole life and describe my sexual relationship? Why would I want to tell them how many times we f**4ed and how often I came and the positions we used. Im 16, theyre friggin 50 years old. Thats friggin PREVERTED! so Hell NO!" My dad didnt say much after that. And I dont think I ever went to another meeting.
My dad and my relationship went to hell after that. he still played dad, but we never tlked unless it was nesssacary. Still dont to this day and we live in the same house. If we talk , we end up fighting over every little thing. I felt a lot of guilt for leaving- mainly becaus I know mydad loves his religion and the responsibilites and privs he had, and I didnt wnt him to lose those because I didnt want to be the same religion as him. BecausEI ddint beleive. It ws total bullshit as far as I was concerened.
In any case. Its been 11 years. Ive just strted to get my own personal religous beliefs figured out. Still struggling with that. My son is 6, asI said before. His dad is obviously NOT a Jw. but I live with my parents. they have started early with him. He tells me sometimes that I am going to die and wont be resurected because I m not a jehovahs witness. Among other things. Theres a lot of things I dont like that my parents are doing, but I feel helpless against them still. I rely on them for a lot of things because the job market SUCKs here in town and I have no way to get out of thier house. I just try my best to steer myson in the direction AWAY from the religion. I tell him that JW isnt the only true religion and that he doesnt HAVE to go with them if he doesnt want to, that he can stay home, or go to his dads, and usually he doesnt go with them. I dont want the cycle to start with him. I just dont know how to stop them from "indoctrinating" him. My son spends ALOT of time with my dad, and I know he is constantly "instructing " him.
Ugh... frustration.
anyway, thats my reatlivly boring story. nd if nyone has any advice bout my son , comment plese.
***ps, my "a" key is stuck and its relly hard to get it to work sometimes....so please forgive typos!