...to visit her family in az and ca.
(she'll flog me when she comes home next week.
it's just incredible how free we both feel.
Craig,
You are a baaaaadddddd boy and will deserve everything Katie dishes out when she gets back. Not only that, but you used the D*** word which is against # 3 in Simons posting guide lines, so double busted for you buddy boy.
Katie, it was not a pretty picture before you finally got up here and I certainly hope Craig does not backslide too much into old habits while you are gone. He's worthless without you around.
LOL Love ya both
well, nisan 14 is rolling around again, and i am going to partake at the memorial.. when i was a goodstanding jw last year, i really thought of the relationship i had with the christ, and partook, and they all had a cow.
but i had a good standing, so they pretty much left me alone.... well, surprise!!
i am now disfellowshipped, and some inner voice tells me to go back there one last time and partake, i am not doing this to be a pain, but to show the new congregation that i had belonged to, who i am, and to give others the courage to examine themselves, and their personal relationship with the christ.. i believe disfellowshipping is unscriptural, so i am confidant!!
I've said this before, but I feel very strongly about this point. If one is no longer a JW, than do we have any business disrupting the Memorial in anyway. I find a certain amount of humor in stories of disrupting Kingdom Hall proceedings, the same way I feel when watching a sitcom on TV. But deep down inside, I have a deep sense of discomfort knowing that instead of working to rid ourselves of the bonds the WTBTS placed on us, some have chosen instead to engage in pointless acts of childish revenge.I have spent many years in therapy, a good portion of it working on JW issues. One thing my therapist repeatedly reminds me of is that "Living well is the best revenge." Don't we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones, to heal the pain. If someone goes to the hall and partakes in what they would consider an unanointed state, especially if it is done in a disruptive way, could this be considered the same as starting a flame war on the board and will this make you an approachable person for someone perhaps looking to get out of the organization. I cannot see how this helps others to see that there is sanity and life outside of the organization. Instead, I fear, it will only serve to let those inside the org, be able to point outside the org and say "see, we told you that those who leave are "like pigs rolling in the mire, and dogs returning to their vomit" to quote thier analogy.
This is only my thought. I know I am sounding very serious, but I feel it is a serious issue. My personal belief is Live and Let Live. I respect your right to live your life as you see fit, and expect you to do the same.
All I am asking is give it some thought before engaging in any actions which could backfire.
My two cents
Blessings
Cheryl
i know of a few people that have expressed themselves over the years regarding suicide and their loss of joy in living.
after reading some of the horrendous things some have gone through on this board, it is more than concievable to believe that you might have considered such options.
i, personally have never had these thoughts, but some close to me have expressed that if they "could just sleep" in death, they would feel better.
I used to think I was not suicidal, that I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. I felt that way alot. Then as some of you may know, I made a half hearted attempt this past September which changed the way I view the whole issue. While I discovered suicide is a difficult thing to do, it is not an impossibility. I find that under certain conditions, the temptaion is there.
When I am very tired and overwhelmed, all my defence mechanisms break down. I am currently fighting the same battle. Nothing seems to change things for too long. I have been on a variety of meds. I have been in therapy for the past 7 years. I have alot of insight into just what is wrong, but I can say, oftentimes it doesn't make much difference knowing what is wrong. I have to give enough of a crap about living to get off my ass and live life. But I have discovered the truth of the statement, "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
Blessings
our hall has 3 sections of seating, we always sat in the left section all the way in the back if possible heh.
it's funny: it seemed like all the foreign people, immigrants, etc, sat on the right side, all the "goody goods" sat in the middle, and all of the um "shady" people... all the people i would think would become defectors sat on the left.
hehe.
I was prone to panic attacks, so I sat in the back, on the end and spent most of the meeting standing in the back near the door. If I felt I needed to sit further up, it was always on an end so I could "escape" when needed. I was always afraid of being trapped at the kingdom hall. Hmmm "Trapped at the Kingdom Hall", has the makings for a song there somewhere.
On a side note, the panic attacks quit soon after I stopped going to the kingdom hall.
were you treated differently?
were you shown more compassion?
Thanks Minimus and Ascot:
Being out of the B'org for the last 7 years has helped alot, but this thread helped opened a wound that apparently was festering and was in need of lancing. I feel much better today. Now I just need to get some sleep tonight.
Ascot, being commended for hanging in certainly seemed to be some kind of canned response. I knew they meant it sincerely. The worst offenders in this matter were some of the nicest of elders also. Too bad they do not realize that no amount of "commendantion" takes the place of simpley showing someone by actions, that they are important and valued. I was a rather high maintenance person, and I do not think the congregation knew what to do with me.(OK, I can still be a high maintenance person so nobody jump my case lol). But being ignored and downclassed because I chose to remain faithful to my marriage vows (in accord with my understanding of God's will such as it was at the time) was such a crock of sh*t. As the scripture says, "By their fruits you shall recognize them". Boy did I end up recognizing them.
Blessings to all
Cheryl
were you treated differently?
were you shown more compassion?
It wasn't like I married outside of the witnesses or anything either. I had been married for a couple of years before I became a witnesses, so you would think I wuld not be penalized for that. But being the "loving" organization they are, the unwritten rules applied to me as well as every one else. The drug and alcohol problems also made it very hard for me to be close to my hubby as well, but if I had not been a witness, I think I would have related to my hubby differently.
I learned to be alone, and that sticks with me to this day. I am afraid to let people close. Afraid I will be judged for who I am or what my circumstances are. I joke around alot, but deep inside, I feel very alone and being part of the JW's who tell you "we will love you if you do this or that" has made this very much worse.
I see the love going on around me. I look at those like Onacruse and Bikerchic, and Lyin Eyes and Wild Turkey and others who are truly couples. Those who were together as Witnesses and left together and those who found each other afterward and while I am happy for them, it makes the loneliness inside all the more lonely.
Having spoken to and heard the stories of a couple of men on this board who were divorced by their witness spouses when they left the witnesses, I do not understand. I stayed in a bad situation because I had become a witness. As far as I know there was no adultery involved on the part of my husband so according to witness teaching, I was not free to divorce and remarry, so I stayed. These witnesses women who divorced their now non-witness husbands found themselves in a situation not so different than many others in divided households and in my case, having met the men in question, since they were married to men who were and still are fine, responsible men, I wonder to myself, how these women dare to have been so cold and calculating to have done such a thing. Of course for both of them, the end result has been new relationships that are far superior to what they left behind, so I can see the blessing in disguise.
Minimus, you have hit a very tender spot and one that apparently needs some purging. I know you probably did not intend for me to write a book when you asked your question.
I hope I am making sense. If not, I am sorry, and clarifying questions will be considered.
Blessings
Cheryl
were you treated differently?
were you shown more compassion?
Sisters with Unbelieving Mates got to fellowship with other Sisters with unbelieving Mates. I remember being told all the time how I was such an encouragement to the congregation for remaining so loyal and being so regular at the meetings and out in service. Problem was, that was about the only way I ever got any association by anyone other than "my own kind". I can only speak for the sisters with unbelieving mates because that was my experience.
I remember telling an elder once that I was so tired of being told what an encouragement I was to the congregation, and if I heard it one more time I thought I might scream. The look on his face was priceless. When he asked what I meant by that, I told him that I did not care to be an encouragement to the congregation. I was in a lot of emotional pain and needed some heavy enouragement. My children were spiritual orphans, but since they had a worldly father, no one wanted to step on any toes, so they were ignored.
Being in a divided houselhold is it's own kind of hell. I was not close to my husband, because he was not a witness and was going to die at armageddon so why get close, but I was not real close to most in the congregation because they did not want to associate with my husband, not only because he was an unbeliever, but also had drug and alcohol problems. My oldest son had a severe case of preachers kid syndrome as he hit his teenage years. Major bout of juvenile delinquency with further distanced us from the congregation. My younger son got lost in the shuffle. And I continued to get lip service.
There was a time that the elders thought that it would be encouraging for me to be of help to one in the congregation who needed transportation for her and her son since she and I lived in the same apartment complex. Heck of it was, she was disfellowshipped at the time.
Ok, I am rambling here so I will stop. But for what it is worth, this is my experience as part of a divided household.
Blessings to all
Cheryl
my wife received this email from her cousin today, and knowing how all sweet and innocent everyone on this board is, i figured i'd contribute to your edge-a-ma-ca-shun.
so listen up now and pay attention to these words of wisdom .... .
lonewolf .
"songie...no silly, when you become and active member you automatically get extra arms...no bras needed..*LOL*"
Val, I think you lost me somewhere. Would you be a darlin' and explain the above to me. What I want are the perky ones I had as a youngun.
Cheryl
...that left me feeling, well, wierd.
it happened about 8:30 this morning, which is pretty early for me since i don't usually go to bed before 3-4am and never wake up before 11am.
i was cruising along the only coastline in florida that has bluffs, it's called "scenic highway" in pensacola, fl.
Those moments of absolute clarity and lucidity are really something aren't they?
Congrats and enjoy.
Cheryl
my wife received this email from her cousin today, and knowing how all sweet and innocent everyone on this board is, i figured i'd contribute to your edge-a-ma-ca-shun.
so listen up now and pay attention to these words of wisdom .... .
lonewolf .
Valis says "My religion specifically bans the wearinf of such ungodly devices.."
So are you going to pay for surgery when their assets start hanging toward their asses Val?
Cheryl of the needs the "over shoulder boulder holder" class
Edited by - songmistress on 8 February 2003 15:45:25
