Posts by SunnyOne026

17

Good-bye Jehovah (poem)

by SunnyOne026 in

jw
friends

it has been several months now, since i learned ttat and the shock and grief is slowly lifting, although some days are harder than others.

after 40 years a devout believer i guess i should not be surprised that the transition has been challenging and the losses immense, and i am sure very many of you can relate to my struggles.

i frequently read the posts on here and my heart goes out to all of you, who grieve and struggle each in your own way, and i wish all of you continued courage and peace.

SunnyOne026

Thank you, Diogenesister. I'm glad you liked my poem. I liked yours, too! lol! Thanks for the chuckle.

17

Good-bye Jehovah (poem)

by SunnyOne026 in

jw
friends

it has been several months now, since i learned ttat and the shock and grief is slowly lifting, although some days are harder than others.

after 40 years a devout believer i guess i should not be surprised that the transition has been challenging and the losses immense, and i am sure very many of you can relate to my struggles.

i frequently read the posts on here and my heart goes out to all of you, who grieve and struggle each in your own way, and i wish all of you continued courage and peace.

Good-bye Jehovah (poem)

by SunnyOne026 in

jw
friends

it has been several months now, since i learned ttat and the shock and grief is slowly lifting, although some days are harder than others.

after 40 years a devout believer i guess i should not be surprised that the transition has been challenging and the losses immense, and i am sure very many of you can relate to my struggles.

i frequently read the posts on here and my heart goes out to all of you, who grieve and struggle each in your own way, and i wish all of you continued courage and peace.

It has been several months now, since I learned TTAT and the shock and grief is slowly lifting, although some days are harder than others. After 40 years a devout believer I guess I should not be surprised that the transition has been challenging and the losses immense, and I am sure very many of you can relate to my struggles. I frequently read the posts on here and my heart goes out to all of you, who grieve and struggle each in your own way, and I wish all of you continued courage and peace. I also wish to sincerely thank everyone here who shares their experiences as well as links to interesting and/or important information. Your posts have helped me immensely.

I am also currently getting help from a compassionate psychologist, who, although he is not an expert in cults, is trying his best to understand and support me. As well, I am continuing to do research on religion, cults, the Bible and ancient religions, as well as researching life from a scientific and archaeological viewpoint. At first I think I was looking for a solid set of beliefs to replace my former JW belief system, but the more research I do the more I realize that is not likely to happen for me (although I fully support any of you who feel you have found some new version of 'truth' that satisfies you). One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with was that Jehovah wasn't real and the Bible itself contains many "holes" that make it's validity questionable at best. (Of course, I in no way wish to discourage or offend any of you who still hold the Bible as sacred and accurate, and I respect your right to believe whatever makes the most sense to you.) I am not an atheist -- I still believe in some higher power or intelligent universe that brought everything into existence or at least guided the evolution of life on earth. This being said -- my concept of God remains vague and uncertain.

I wrote this poem today and I decided to share it, since I think some of you could relate to it. I hope none of you will find it offensive, and I apologize in advance if you do. I welcome your comments.

Good-bye Jehovah

Bright, talented and only fifteen

A writer or artist could have easily been

I surrendered my dreams and relinquished my power

To the Father the Son and the Holy “Watchtower”

I discarded my sweetheart and most of my friends

and worried my family would die in the end

I went door to door with Bibles and tracts

To spread the good news of dubious “facts”

The God named Jehovah was real to me

Like his son Christ Jesus, I strove hard to be

I wanted to save the world with the “Truth”

And lead them to fountains of eternal youth

My motives were pure, but I was misled

Fantasies and lies were the food we were fed

All the prayers and the songs still haunt me like ghosts

But saying “Good-bye Jehovah” is what grieves me the most

For Jah was my friend and my guiding light

I spoke to him throughout every day and night

I believed that he heard me and truly cared

Such faith gave me courage when I was scared

Now I must let go of this burning belief

Though I’m weeping and trembling like a falling leaf

For I know too much and see all too well

The road I was travelling was the path to hell

So good bye now Jesus, Jehovah, Elohim

If there is a true God, I’ve not come to know him

I’ll take full responsibility for my own life

The smiles, the tears, the joy, the strife

Yet all is not lost for I realize

There’s still love in my heart and light in my eyes

I would rather live a life of quiet uncertainty

Than be certain of empty promises that will never be

315

Pillowgate - John Cedars

by CitizenofEarth in

is this true?

is this really true?!.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qirjv48c55m.

SunnyOne026

I am told this is what the Bethel sisters in the cleaning department are having to deal with.

Image result for pic of pillows

25

In theory, can one be disfellowshipped for attempted suicide?

by Saename in

so i was recently reading the reasons for disfellowshipping as listed in shepherd the flock of god.

the handbook is available online here: https://thetruthofjehowaswittness.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/jehovas-vitner.pdf.. on page 59, point #4, it lists attempted suicide as a reason for disfellowshipping.

has it ever been removed?

SunnyOne026

A young sister who suffered from severe depression and whom I was very close to had to face a judicial committee because she attempted suicide. She was reproved but not df'd. I was shocked that they had reproved a severely depressed young person. I did my best to comfort her. Later on, when my then husband became an elder I was aware of other suicide attempts because of sisters confiding in me. Knowing my husband was on one of the committees investigating one of these attempts I strongly encouraged him to be gentle and leniant with the person in question. She was a single mom with young children and I didn't want the elders to precipitate another attempt. To my knowledge my advice was heeded.

21

A woman without a voice

by SunnyOne026 in

this is my story in a nut-shell.

i hope some of you can relate.

if you can..i would love to hear from you.. i have been crushed and heartbroken more times than i can recount by a religion that claims to be based totally on love and mercy and most of that harm has come from the so called "shepherds" who or are supposed to lovingly take the stray lambs in their arms and lead them gently back to safety.

SunnyOne026

My time, unfortunately is limited on here, although I wish talking to all of you was the only thing I had to do for the next few weeks. There is so much I want to learn about you and much that I wish to share. Emerging from the WT fog and being able to see and think with genuine clarity is an enormous struggle, as I am sure most of you here realize. But I wish to thank all of you beautiful people for your courage and strength and love and your desire to follow your own conscience rather than to have how to think, feel and act be dictated to you by a group of aging and out of touch men who mistakenly believe they are directed by God. That is not to say some of these men aren't sincere. I cannot judge them, even though they may be quick to judge me. God is the only true judge and before his own master each one stands or falls.

However, I wish to thank every one of you who have been so kind as to respond to my posts. I promise I will private message each one of you shortly or otherwise get back to you asap.

Thank you, and may the God of heaven and earth, whatever you conceive him to be, bless you abundantly for your courage and love.

Hugs,

Sunny

21

A woman without a voice

by SunnyOne026 in

this is my story in a nut-shell.

i hope some of you can relate.

if you can..i would love to hear from you.. i have been crushed and heartbroken more times than i can recount by a religion that claims to be based totally on love and mercy and most of that harm has come from the so called "shepherds" who or are supposed to lovingly take the stray lambs in their arms and lead them gently back to safety.

SunnyOne026

Dear Floridaborn,

I am so sorry for the difficult situation you find yourself in. I, too, was a single mom, a lot of the time, even though married, because during my marriage I had to separate several times from my abuser...but out of love for God, wanting to be a good Christian I kept taking him back. I did my best to be hospitable toward the congregation, despite very limited resources, and to some extent the congregation returned my hospitality but not much. I mostly felt alone and left out so I have some idea how you feel.

Ironically, my son who was a model JW, and was baptized at 13, later realized that the mind control, disfellowshipping and discouragement from pursuing a good education were red flags and after a year of investigating things on his own, he left. I was completely devastated at the time, but fortunately he was not disfellowshipped but managed to successfully fade and he continued living with me. I have only just begun to realize how very brave he was to take the stand that he did. He is a big source of comfort and support to me now but I don't want to lean too heavily on him -- it isn't fair to him--So that is why I am reaching out to others for comfort and support and to hopefully be a comfort to others.

You are right that most of the elders do little to give real and meaningful support but are all too quick to jump on you if they perceive any real or imagined weakness in you. I have to say, in all fairness, I have known a few very wonderful, patient and compassionate elders, but sadly they are not the majority.

Hugs and heartfelt caring to you and your daughter...Please PM and tell me more about your situation if you wish to.

21

A woman without a voice

by SunnyOne026 in

this is my story in a nut-shell.

i hope some of you can relate.

if you can..i would love to hear from you.. i have been crushed and heartbroken more times than i can recount by a religion that claims to be based totally on love and mercy and most of that harm has come from the so called "shepherds" who or are supposed to lovingly take the stray lambs in their arms and lead them gently back to safety.

SunnyOne026

Hi Ding,

Thank you for your kind, empathetic words. I am not against men, despite all I have been through. I have a wonderful son, two loving brothers, and a very tender husband. I am open to talking with any caring, decent person who wishes to correspond with me.

Please tell me a little about your own story, if you don't mind doing so. You can PM if you wish or simply respond on here.

21

A woman without a voice

by SunnyOne026 in

this is my story in a nut-shell.

i hope some of you can relate.

if you can..i would love to hear from you.. i have been crushed and heartbroken more times than i can recount by a religion that claims to be based totally on love and mercy and most of that harm has come from the so called "shepherds" who or are supposed to lovingly take the stray lambs in their arms and lead them gently back to safety.

SunnyOne026

Hi Florida born,

Yes, thankfully, I have 2 brothers and a niece who are not JW's that I have continued to maintain a close relationship with all along...albeit not as close as it could have been. My sister, and a cousin whom I dearly love, however, are JWs. When I was DF'd previously my sister never stopped talking with me. She loved me and I think she believed the elders had unjustly disfellowshipped me. In any case she didn't abandon me. But if I am df'd for apostasy people will believe I have truly sided with the Devil and I don't think she could withstand the pressure.

Are you still in the organization yourself? If not, how long have you been out and how long did it take you to heal?

21

A woman without a voice

by SunnyOne026 in

this is my story in a nut-shell.

i hope some of you can relate.

if you can..i would love to hear from you.. i have been crushed and heartbroken more times than i can recount by a religion that claims to be based totally on love and mercy and most of that harm has come from the so called "shepherds" who or are supposed to lovingly take the stray lambs in their arms and lead them gently back to safety.

SunnyOne026

This is my story in a nut-shell. I hope some of you can relate. If you can..I would love to hear from you.

I have been crushed and heartbroken more times than I can recount by a religion that claims to be based totally on love and mercy and most of that harm has come from the so called "shepherds" who or are supposed to lovingly take the stray lambs in their arms and lead them gently back to safety.

I took "the Truth" on my own as a teenager despite family opposition, and refused a work offer in my dream career as an artist in order to serve Jehovah more fully. I thereafter served Jehovah faithfully for many years. I dated a few JWs and got married to a JW 10 years older than myself when I was just turning 19 (and on the rebound after a breakup with someone I was deeply in love with because the elders told him we were to young to get married). I cried profusely on my honeymoon because I realized I felt no attraction for my husband and he didn't know a thing about women romantically or sexually. I thereafter cried for 20 years for those reasons and also because of my husband's inability to show empathy or understanding toward me. (For years I also dreamt of the young man I loved but didn't marry). I was basically my husband's slave...cleaned the car, shined his shoes, entertained his friends even when he would invite them home at the last minute, and literally waited on him hand and foot...trying to be the perfect Christian wife. My husband eventually became an elder which further increased my sense of responsibility toward the congregation and I often became a shoulder to cry on for many sisters who were having marital or other problems. After I had my son--16 years into the marriage, I found everything harder to keep up with, especially because I had serious health problems and so did my child. Finally I had a total emotional, mental and physical collapse and disassociated myself from the WT org. I ame back a couple of years later, and was sexually assaulted by a JW boyfriend and subsequently disfellowshipped, since my boyfriend had pressured me to say that the incident was 50-50. But even if I had told the elders the truth of how things really happened they likely would not have believed me. One elder on the committee told me that he probably should not serve on my committee because he already knew what his decision was going to be. So I actually asked that that particular brother not serve on my judicial committee and they said okay. But when I showed up for my hearing there he was. And sure enough...despite my very sincere repentance they disfellowshipped me anyway. I went home completely shaken and distraught wondering how it was possible that Jehovah would allow a repentant person who was crushed and broken over her error to be disfellowshipped. I felt suicidal. Fortunately, my sister was at my apartment when I arrived because she had been babysitting my son. If it were not for her support that night I likely would no longer be on this earth.

I subsequently married the boyfriend who had assaulted me because I thought that it was the right thing to do scripturally. And who else would want a divorced and disfellowshipped JW? (Even though I was intelligent, talented, attractive and caring...I had just had all my self-esteem dashed to pieces).

I stayed married to my abuser for 10 years (got reinstated after a year) and put up with unimaginable emotional, psychological, sexual and financial abuse-- all for Jehovah...wanting to prove myself a good christian and always hoping my husband would take the Truth seriously and become a better man.

Eventually I had grounds for divorce and was free to remarry. I met someone online and ended up marrying them. We have been married for nearly 3 years now and have grown very close. But my new husband has a mental disability and had been very misunderstood and mistreated by the elders. In my attempts to defend him I have been told to keep quite and to speak to him about it and let him correct me if I have any questions about how they have handled things with him. They also said they didn't trust me because I am no angel...maybe not a really bad person but not a very good one either. And they insisted to me that all their actions and counsel (as horribly harmful, cruel and unjustifiable as it has been) is straight from Jehovah and I shouldn't question it...I should just obey. Well..that broke me. Up until that moment my faith had been sterling strong despite everything. But here I had endured so much for Jehovah and had recently undergone severe trials, healthwise, economically and with my current husband's disability and I was being told I was a second rate Christian and that this was what Jehovah was saying. I know Jehovah thought no such thing of me. He knows my heart and how difficult my life has been and how very many sacrifices I have made for him. It would have been easy just to throw my current husband under the bus and not stand up for him, but because I cultivate Christ like compassion I would not do such a cruel thing. Yet if I continue to push the issue I know I will be disfellowshipped as a Jezebel influence or an apostate for not obeying the elders. So I started doing research over the past couple of weeks and realized just how woefully inadequate the JW elders are to deal with the delicate issues before them. From there I also came to realize that the lack of insight is coming from the top down and the faithful and discreet slave is not who or what I have been told it is. It has shaken me to my core to realize that and to see and hear all the injustices others have had inflicted on them in this "loving" organization. I have so much more to say and I am so broken up. I need someone to talk to but have no where to turn. My husband still believes this is the Truth despite how he has been treated and doesn't want to hear what I have learned.

If you are someone who has had experiences similar to mine I would love to connect with you and exchange experiences and discuss feelings and give and receive support and feedback. Please accept my love and prayers to all those who have suffered and may still be suffering in this mind controlling cult that has so little respect for people's self-esteem and dignity and virtually no understanding as to what extent they are destroying families and destroying lives.