I not only grew up as a born in JW, but I also grew up around a convalescent hospital (nursing home is a more fitting term) I grew up seeing death, and as a JW I had no problem dealing with death. But now, as an ex-JW atheist, death has taken on a whole new meaning. I can't deal with it quite as well as I used to. Although I never pictured myself living in the WT paradise utopia, I somehow managed to not let the reality of death sink in. As I feel myself aging quickly, that harsh reality is hard to not think about, but it doesn't consume my life. There is lots of good advice on this thread, everyone deals with it differently, hopefully you can come to grips with the situation.