ikhandi- you have been out four years now and it appears you have made considerable progress, apparantly more than many others including myself. It was well over ten years before I could make peace with myself. Meanwhile 28 years of my life had gone by. I once also felt bad about disgracing Jehovahs good name and would be angered when others would do so.
Eventually however you may come to the conclusion that: THERE IS NO JEHOVAH. At least not in the way you have been convinced to believe. Jehovah is a creation of man. You take the idea of "GOD", the great benevolent creator of life and reconcille his personality with the one described in the Bible, throw in an incorrect pronunciation of His name and whalla, you have Jehovah.
Those that make light of Jehovah here do it because they do not belive He exists.