Posts by terafera

I honestly know that something or someone helped me because I opened my heart and mind and asked for guidance instead of just sitting back with a closed mind, as I always had.

Heaven, boy can I relate. I've been on the same kind of journey...asking God for guidance, and asking him that whatever it may be, please let it be made known. More and more I find myself finding the jw mindset wrong. Like you said, jws could say this is because we are spiritually weak...I say it is because I've never asked God for the Truth. I've always assumed jws had the Truth and just asked him to help me be a better jw. I really see the difference in how I approach God now, too. I am not afraid of wording things right...afraid he'll be mad at me. I feel freer to let him search my heart out.

Lucid, you spoke what I feel. I've had kidney problems since birth and have always heard, 'dont worry about it...you'll be in the New System before you ever have health problems from it!' Well, guess what? Because my parents never looked into preventative health care (diet restrictions, meds, etc) I am now 28 and on a kidney transplant list. Not saying they could do anything to prevent my health problems...but their attitude was 'dont think about it. Jehovah will destroy this system soon anyway.' When the doctor told me I needed dialysis, I almost fainted. I started crying....he thought I was an idiot because I had kidney disease for over 20 years and should have seen this coming. But in my mind, I was never going to have to deal with it. I've been 'dealing' with it now for 5 years. I see myself now doing things I never thought I'd be able to do. I was told the New System would be here when I was in high school. I'm pushing 30. I'm now having to face that I (if I'm lucky) will grow old and possibly die....something I would not and could not face a few years ago.

Great post.

Edited by - terafera on 1 July 2002 21:40:7

7

mister tasty-what do you see?

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

terafera

I love baked potatoes with butter....mmmMMMmmmm

37

??? what would you change ???

by zev in

if you had the power, and ability to change one thing in your life, be it a major life changing thing, or a small but significant thing, tell me what and how you would do it, and how it actually was, and how it would be different after the change.

please don't include jw'ism as that's something we would all want to change

if you tell me yours, i'll tell you mine

terafera

Sean,

wow. I cant tell you what it meant to hear those words. Thank you so much. Actually, that was the hardest post I've ever written. I would stop and burst out crying but keep going...I think some part of me needed to share it with someone.

Thank you for listening...I've never talked to my dad, but maybe that will help, somehow. I pray everyday for forgiveness at my callousness in how I treated him. I only hope that whatever God has in store for him, he is blessed beyond belief for the life he endured.

Thank you so much.

(((Sean)))

With love, Deb

31

Double Standards

by Perfection Seeker in

did anyone else have witness parents who the congregation thought were the "model" family, yet behind closed doors all hell broke loose?

i remember a time when my family was choosen to do a part at an assembly about the ideal family- yet behind the scenes, we were beat, yelled at, sworn at, never studied, had a family from hell, yet others always commented how "perfect" and christian our family was.

being a witness leaves deep & permanent scars.

terafera

Yea, I know about the fake facade put on at the Hall. Many times I had to cover my black eyes with eye shadow and have sisters tell me I wore too much makeup!!! I didnt have the nerve to tell them my aux pioneer mother did it to me. I think my damaged self esteem and soul showed through, more than anything. You would have to be in deep denial to not see how dysfunctional our family was.

17

This wouldn't happen here!

by ISP in

woman branded a hippo by internet date threatens to sue

a woman is threatening legal action after a man she met through an internet dating agency described her as a "hippo".. romanians nicoleta popescu and gabriel malinescu had their first date after two months of on-line flirting and phone calls.. nicoleta now says she's going to sue gabriel for emotional distress.. but he says she purposefully deceived him, claiming she weighs eight stone when he reckons she's much heavier.. gabriel, 33, from bucharest, told the national newspaper: "i expected to see a blonde, blue-eyed, slim beauty in front of me.

but what i got was a gigantic hippo.

terafera

What did he expect?? They met off the internet, sight unseen!! He handled it pretty badly. She might have turned into a nice friend, if nothing else.

I've never heard of measuring weight in 'stones'. Sounds like something Fred Flinstone would do! LOL

btw, if you intend on meeting someone in person, get pics, alot of them! Ask what kind of lifestyle they enjoy..if they know what a Krispy Kreme is, bad news! Mention the latest article in Fitness magazine, see the response you get!

37

??? what would you change ???

by zev in

if you had the power, and ability to change one thing in your life, be it a major life changing thing, or a small but significant thing, tell me what and how you would do it, and how it actually was, and how it would be different after the change.

please don't include jw'ism as that's something we would all want to change

if you tell me yours, i'll tell you mine

terafera

I used to say what Naebs said.... thought anything different wouldnt be my life. But there is one thing I would change..if given the chance.

My mother took my brother and I to Alaska after leaving my dad back in Hawaii. He had been disfellowshipped for alcoholism. She was a controlling, abusive and violent jw woman who beat him down mentally and emotionally. When she took his kids, he disintegrated. My sister (who was grown up and lived 10 miles from him) said he was getting pretty bad. He was now homeless and talking crazy. After 5 years my mother took my brother and I back to Hawaii where we had grown up. I was so nervous about seeing my dad... would he recognize me? It had been 5 years... I was 10 when I left, now I was a 15 year old.. a maturing woman. I didnt see him the whole trip. Two nights before leaving, I was packing my suitcase at my sisters house and heard my brother say 'dad's here! dad's here!'

My face grew hot. Could I handle it?? My daddy!! I wanted to run to him... bury my face in his belly and feel his strong arms wrap around me...the arms of a carpenter skilled in his trade for over 30 years. I hear my sister open the door. 'Oh....its you, dad. Come in....I guess.' she says, looking away. I peek down the hall and view someone that had claimed my dad's body.. this wasnt my dad. Standing there was a shadow of the man I knew. Instead of the stocky Irishman with wild blue eyes I saw a thin man, his face lined with wrinkles, his curly hair matted and the smell coming off of him that could choke you.

'I just came back from directing a movie in Hollywood!' he exclaims to my sister. 'Oh yeah?' she blandly replied. 'Oh yeah, i'm going to get paid alot of money...they really need me!' 'Dad, I dont believe you..' she said, turning away from him. His shoulders slumped as he looked down, not understanding why no-one believed this wonderful story that the effects of alcohol brain-damage had conjured.

'Dad, we're getting ready to leave. I'm sorry...but you should probably get going,' I heard my sister tell him. I kept the door cracked open, just enough to see the outline of him, not enough for him to notice that I was watching.

My little brother, Mike, stood smiling in front of him. 'Dad, this is Michael, remember him?' she said, loudly. My dad looked at him with a blank face. 'Oh sure, yea, how ya doing?' he chuckled, extending his hand to my brother as if meeting him for the first time. I knew he probably didnt know who this little kid was, standing in front of him.

'Well dad, nice see you. You can come back when it's a better time,' my sister said, opening the door. I paused. I wanted to throw open the door, run to him, throw my arms around him, scream out how much I missed him. Have him call me 'Dolly Debba' like he used to. How would I handle it, in front of my family, if he didnt recognize me?? What if he looked at me blankly? Would I crumble, fall apart and cry hysterically?? I didnt know what to do...so I closed the door and sat down. I heard the front door close and my father's footsteps going down the porch stairs. 'Whew! He sure did stink!! How demonic!!' my mother ranted, waving her hands over her face and grabbing a can of Glade.

I sat there, frozen, in shock. I was too embarrassed to see what my father had turned in to. I was to embarrassed to let my family see me hurt...to have them see my dad not know me. I left Hawaii two days later and headed back for Alaska.

A year and half later, the phone rang. It was my sister. She was crying and said my dad's body was found at the beach. It looked like someone beat him up pretty badly, possibly for some money. He was found lying face down in the ocean by a jogger. He had probably been drunk... his body looked really bad.

That's my regret... that I never said goodbye to him. I never ran to him and said I loved him. He had a life full of people rejecting him, from his father and mother, my mother, later the jws when he was disfellowshipped...and now his daughter.

I will regret that till the day I die.

Edited by - terafera on 29 June 2002 3:36:55

Edited by - terafera on 29 June 2002 3:40:48

14

JWs Locked in Cellar

by Stephanus in

jw
friends

does anyone remember the news report about an old lady who was so fed up with the dubs coming to her door that she locked two of them up in her cellar?

the dubs were missing for some time before the other dubs who'd been in fs with them called the police who eventually found the ones in the cellar.. my question: shouldn't the dubs have gone to the elders instead of bringing the police into it?

that's how they handle other problems...

terafera

Wow...how the heck did she get them in the cellar??? They must've wanted a study REALLY bad!!!

10

Something to know about time

by kenpodragon in

jw
friends

time moves to quickly when we are older, yet it moves as the same slow speed we felt when we were younger.

so if you want time to slow down, and to enjoy the moment fuller ... learn to think younger and stop getting so much older.. .

dragon

terafera

Well I should be really happy 'cuz physically I'm 28, but inside I'm about 12.

2

NEIL FROM KOLOA

by terafera in

jw
friends

hey neil, hope you get this!

i saw your post over at exjw.match and saw you!!

i know you... i am from koloa as well.

terafera

Beck, LOL! I love Koalas...

btw, you remind me of a lady from Australia that I met while living in Hawaii. She was vacationing with her hubby, on their honeymoon. They were both jws, he was handsome, she was beautiful with a mane of curly wild hair.

We hit it off and went out a few times. She said she was a pioneer or something to that effect. Anyway, she comes back 3 months later without the hubby!! She left him and went on a wild fun spree. We partied, drank, danced...she was a wild one!! We lost touch eventually...I dont know if she ever went back to Australia. I think her name was Stacey. *sigh* That would be cool to see her again too.

I'm hoping one day I'll bump into someone I knew while being a jw, lol.