Posts by madisoncembre

26

The Last Days of a Pioneer

by madisoncembre in

i am starting a new topic since this blog entry is about something different.. i have posted before about my recent split with the jws.

no exit comes out of nowhere and there were seeds planted long before this.

i have never enjoyed field service.

madisoncembre

HiddlesWife:

CONGRATULATIONS on and for your decision to leave off this "privilege of service"! I can concur with all of the other posters when they say that they HATE field circus.

I love that term "field circus"! First time I have heard it. And that is exactly what it is. One use circus or shitshow and now that I am an observed, it is clear to me how forced and contrived it is. Virtually no one really wants to do it and it's become a ritual now, every bit as much as the Pharisees in Bible times. It's an incredible burden to place upon people who are already hard-strung to get other matters in their lives together. Worldly people would ask me what I was doing on the weekend and my heart would immediately sink. Weekend or weekday, there was hardly any difference.

WT, for decades, didn't and still doesn't GIVE A DAMN about the wellbeing and safety of their members.

Precisely. As I mentioned in my blog, I am from the southern US and you have to have a screw loose to drive up to a rural property uninvited and unannounced. I can count on three fingers how many times I was threatened with a gun and once had it aimed fight at my head. But they wont change any policy regardless of what local standards and common sense dictate.

26

The Last Days of a Pioneer

by madisoncembre in

i am starting a new topic since this blog entry is about something different.. i have posted before about my recent split with the jws.

no exit comes out of nowhere and there were seeds planted long before this.

i have never enjoyed field service.

madisoncembre

punkofnice:

I absolutely dreaded the door knocking stuff. I only pioneered(tm) to virtue signal.

That's what is is all about. Virtue signaling. I fell most if not all of us were there to show the elders and the COs that we were bought in and loyal JWs. If left to our own choices, field service would have been a rare thing. The part about pioneering where they just pushed and pushed it on you at conventions bothered me, but I ended up doing it anyway. I foolishly felt that doing so and putting in the time would decrease the pressure, but in some ways it only increased it. Now I was a "fine example" who was held to an even higher standard because I was trotted out as the kind of JW to aspire to.

Good for you Madz. Good for you.

Absolutely love that nickname. Thanks!

I even recall an Elder(tm), saying from the pratform, the door knocking work didn't work.

Wow, that would have had a huge effect on me had I heard that. Why send us out there if they knew it wouldn't work? I felt like we were lab rats or trained robots. They wanted to send us here, instruct us to do that as a part of a brain conditioning exercise. I'd rather they had given us a dose of something and skip the pointless exercises.

It was a guilt making factory. The whole Corporation(tm), is all about getting money and assets for the Governing Body(tm)(Pee be upon them), so these gluttonous CEOs of a Corporation(tm) posing as a fake religion, can live a rock star lifestyle.

100%. Everything was tailored to what was good for the organization and their travelling representatives never let us forget it. We were told we were serving God but we were only serving them. I think that is what gets many people later and makes them bitter not only towards the JW religion but towards God. Sure, the GB makes cameos out in field service but it's never anything regular. I cringe whenever I see something published to that effect.

26

The Last Days of a Pioneer

by madisoncembre in

i am starting a new topic since this blog entry is about something different.. i have posted before about my recent split with the jws.

no exit comes out of nowhere and there were seeds planted long before this.

i have never enjoyed field service.

madisoncembre

Journeyman:

I always preferred taking a Bible study or sitting in on someone else's, rather than doing first call or street work.

I was the same. Not that I really "enjoyed" it, but when the householder was kind and invited us in, it was easy to sit, be attentive and helpful, and invite them to the Kingdom Hall. Street work was a huge chore for me and now that I think of it, I endured many panic attacks when I understood I'd be walking down the street with a bookbag all morning and sometimes into the afternoon. These were my days off and they wanted that from me too. I brought that up to an elder who was over for a shepherding call and I got the whole "we don't take time off from Jehovah" comment. I didn't view it that way, and reasoned if I did the daily text but skipped time for service it should be in no way considered taking time off from God.

I really despise these elder types and the higher ups from Bethel. They were so unsympathetic to the plight of working people who needed the time off to recharge. Pioneering was pushed as a full time career, but you still needed to work and it just made everything unbearable. I just am saddened that I wasted all those years on something I so despised.

26

The Last Days of a Pioneer

by madisoncembre in

i am starting a new topic since this blog entry is about something different.. i have posted before about my recent split with the jws.

no exit comes out of nowhere and there were seeds planted long before this.

i have never enjoyed field service.

madisoncembre

lriddle80:

Well partly because I never read the magazines I was peddling and felt guilty about being unprepared. One time a guy actually sounded interested and I made sure not to go back because I didn't want him to have all those rules to deal with!

The solicitation part of it I hated. I make a horrible salesperson and would almost equally dread going door to door selling anything else. We were going to these people's doors unannounced and mostly unwelcome. The elders and all the people at Bethel didn't seem to care about safety! I was going with my female pioneer partner up to these isolated residences, sometimes cabins. We were young women, aged 18 and 22. That's just insane to place females into a position where they could be assaulted.

Like you, I had little interest in the magazines and had a hard time getting into an in-depth discussion on the rare occasions the householder was willing. I would always excuse myself and promise to return to discuss more. It was all so fake! And to be forced to do it! This organization really knows how to burn people out don't they.

26

The Last Days of a Pioneer

by madisoncembre in

i am starting a new topic since this blog entry is about something different.. i have posted before about my recent split with the jws.

no exit comes out of nowhere and there were seeds planted long before this.

i have never enjoyed field service.

madisoncembre

I am starting a new topic since this blog entry is about something different.

I have posted before about my recent split with the JWs. No exit comes out of nowhere and there were seeds planted long before this. I have never enjoyed field service. Let me clarify that - I actually enjoyed the process of going out and being social, and especially the coffee breaks. But I despised the actual preaching work and was disheartened early on about the futility of it all. Due to the intense pressure I did regular pioneer for some time in my late teens. I had an awesome pioneer partner who knew all the shortcuts so it wasn't too bad.

It all came to a head when my father punished me by forcing me out on a brutally hot August morning. Even though I was regular pioneering, I had "banked" my hours and was taking most of the month off since I had already reached my quota. There was a local needs talk about not doing this as pioneers and encouraging others by taking the lead, so I was quite literally forced to go out anyway.

There were a lot of triggering moments in this blog entry, but I am better off for writing it down finally after all these years.

Below is the link.

The Last Days of a Pioneer / Madison's Blog | The Lowdown with Madison (webador.com)

Thank you

Madison

19

First post here. Inactive since January, making it permanent. Here is my intro

by madisoncembre in

new poster to this site.

i've started blogging and would like to share my experiences with you.

bear with me as i am completely new to this.

madisoncembre

I can imagine that John will take advantage of all legal avenues soon if he has not already. You will need the pro bono services of attorneys who represent battered women

I've met with an attorney whom I found when searching on my phone and good news! He has referred me to a colleague of his who has agreed to take on my case on a pro bono basis. We are working on gathering all the data together and our next step will be an order for protecton, shortly followed by a petition for divorce.

So this is happening...!

Keep mum on your JW opinions for now, and remain simply "inactive"

Funny you mention that because I have been doing this so far I don't intend to force anything, especially at this time when I am trying to make my move against John. I don't need the elders coming in on top of this, but I suspect they will do so anyway and start asking me probing questions.

I can say that you will get lots of advice and support on here.

So far I have! Thank you! I am on Twitter and it's easier to communicate there.

I am @MadisonCembree there. Please follow! It helps to just stay in touch there and keeps things manageable.

19

First post here. Inactive since January, making it permanent. Here is my intro

by madisoncembre in

new poster to this site.

i've started blogging and would like to share my experiences with you.

bear with me as i am completely new to this.

madisoncembre

It sounds like your husband is a psychopath, and I fear for your future, and that of your children, but hopefully, maybe, people at your place of work may come to understand your situation and perhaps be able to give a level of support.

I believe you've diagnosed him correctly. It's why I have gotten my own place and have taken up full time employment. I had it specifically placed into the lease that only three people (myself and my children) were the only ones allowed to live there. People at work have been great and are well aware of my situation. I've become close friends with one such female co-worker.

tbh, I am just focused on getting through this month right now and for my husband to start understanding he's not coming back. Just last week he was trying to be manipulative and telling me how the children were waiting for him to move in.

Welcome aboard Madison, probably a little too much information though in that identification could be easily compromised.

At this point I don't really care. The fact I put up the blog and came out with my real first name is my way of saying I am not coming back - either to him or the religion. I'm out. All other names will be hidden. All you know is my first name.

19

First post here. Inactive since January, making it permanent. Here is my intro

by madisoncembre in

new poster to this site.

i've started blogging and would like to share my experiences with you.

bear with me as i am completely new to this.

madisoncembre

It sounds like he continued seeing his mistress and abusing you to try and get you to leave

I don't think he wanted me to leave, as is evident by his actions now. He was denied the one he wanted, so he took second best and and continued to treat me as I were secondary to her. I know, sounds like a plot point from The Crown.

Did you keep pictures? Have you contacted government services to report these issues?

Yes I did keep pictures. A worldly friend at work advised me to do so, so we went into the ladies room and she took them with her phone and emailed them to me. The abuse stopped when I started making waves last August about leaving. We briefly reconciled but soon he was up to his old habits again, so I was at my parent's place by October. No governmental services were called as I was still a believing JW at the time.

How can they cut your off a joint account? Did you speak with bank manager?

I could have worded that better. My husband had been caught funneling his money into a private account after I found a few incriminating purchases. He then started giving me cash for daily essentials, saying I wasn't trustworthy to handle the family account. A few things happened, including being stranded on a highway because my car broke down and I didn't have enough cash in the account I had access to for the tow and repair. My mother intervened, and his father started paying a portion of his salary into the joint account as a direct deposit. When they found out I put down a deposit for an apartment lease, the direct deposits stopped and the account is now stagnant.

19

First post here. Inactive since January, making it permanent. Here is my intro

by madisoncembre in

new poster to this site.

i've started blogging and would like to share my experiences with you.

bear with me as i am completely new to this.

madisoncembre

You did the right thing when you left John. I hope you have photos or some sort of documentation of the abuse you experienced. This will help if John and his dad threaten, out of spite, to take you to court for custody of the girls.

You bet I do! "John" was quite verbose in emails and abusive texts which he has piled on in his attempts to gaslight me into coming back. I have so many but they are traumatizing to even look at. I will make a blog post sometime in the future as to what I had to deal with from this creep.

All upcoming! The pressure awaits! It's why I am writing my blog. Putting my thoughts down is what makes me think clearly.

19

First post here. Inactive since January, making it permanent. Here is my intro

by madisoncembre in

new poster to this site.

i've started blogging and would like to share my experiences with you.

bear with me as i am completely new to this.

madisoncembre

You didn't get out soon enough as far as I can see. Stick to your resolve. thanks for sharing.

I absolutely should have. But as all people who have been divorced or separated from the other parent of their children can acknowledge, I wouldn't have my two girls. I just wish it wasn't with someone in the organization, and in particular, him. Sharing is all a part of my process. Thanks for the kind words.

I’m do glad I never married a Jw. One of the best decisions I ever made.

Nothing truer than this!

You're courageous woman Madison

You are too kind. I am only doing what needs to be done. The longer I wait this out the worse it is going to get. I've just stopped responding to the attempts to contact me so I am sure the pressure will ramp up with in person visits. By "in-person" I mean my parents and soon-to-be ex.