It was a process that has taken years. But once I’d told my wife, become part of the support group I was ready to tell my story her, although I`ve been her for years.
InquiryMan
JoinedPosts by InquiryMan
-
42
My life - a new turn
by InquiryMan inive been on the net ever since the miningco, old witnesses.net days and now here on jwd.
it has been an interesting journey.
yesterday my life took a new turn.
-
-
-
42
My life - a new turn
by InquiryMan inive been on the net ever since the miningco, old witnesses.net days and now here on jwd.
it has been an interesting journey.
yesterday my life took a new turn.
-
-
InquiryMan
Thanks a lot for your support. It warms me a lot. I’ve learnt to be somewhat more open through the process, although trying not to be too candid. Honesty is important to me. I did not impy to exclude anyone, Lisa. We are all human beings. As a witness, I e.g. never liked the subordinate position of women, I for instance, would not have objected to the thought of female elders... :-) I got along better with the sisters any one. What I did mean by saying "my" sort, is that I’ve paid a special attention to such posters in a way, cause it hit a "secret" (not so any longer) spot in me.
-
42
My life - a new turn
by InquiryMan inive been on the net ever since the miningco, old witnesses.net days and now here on jwd.
it has been an interesting journey.
yesterday my life took a new turn.
-
-
InquiryMan
Sorry about the typing, I did make paragraphs when typing it in word first, but I guess it disappeared when I inserted it. I am glad your life have turned out so well... (I’ve paid special attention to those of my sort).
-
42
My life - a new turn
by InquiryMan inive been on the net ever since the miningco, old witnesses.net days and now here on jwd.
it has been an interesting journey.
yesterday my life took a new turn.
-
-
InquiryMan
Thanks for all the encouragement. It means a lot to me. I am in fact proud of myself finally taking responsibility of my own life and destiny. If some gay ex-brothers would care to pm me, I’d appreaciate it a lot. Sharing the experience of having been a Jw as well as gay is quite unique.
-
42
My life - a new turn
by InquiryMan inive been on the net ever since the miningco, old witnesses.net days and now here on jwd.
it has been an interesting journey.
yesterday my life took a new turn.
-
-
InquiryMan
bttt
-
42
My life - a new turn
by InquiryMan inive been on the net ever since the miningco, old witnesses.net days and now here on jwd.
it has been an interesting journey.
yesterday my life took a new turn.
-
-
InquiryMan
I’ve been on the net ever since the miningco, old witnesses.net days and now here on JWD. It has been an interesting journey. Yesterday my life took a new turn. However, I’d like to give my story up till then. I was born in a Northern European country some 40 yrs ago. My parents got baptized in the pre 75yrs, but did not express much belief in 1975 per se, even though I remember old-time witnesses surrounding them stressed it alot. E.g. when my mother got new curtains, she was mildly mocked, What was the point, A being months away. I entered the TMS even before my father and was a zealous «disciple». I had no problems adjusting to witness life, activity was vibrant then and the social life had something to offer, even to children and youngsters. E.g. in the weekends we went into the countryside preaching, but always had a picnic with swimming preceding it. It was quite enjoyable. Also, a sister who was a teacher, arranged a Saturday club for the children. We even had a congregation sponsored children’s day in the (rented) Kingdom Hall. Time passed and i entered the teen years. I was careful to abide by ALL witness rules, which in fact had a detrimental effect on my emotional life. E.g. I conquered the normal habit of masturbation for 8 yrs (must be a world record). I also had the dubios status of being the only unkissed teen-ager in the world – at least I thought so myself. I was a zealous witness boy – even preaching at the police station, on the subway and for my fellow school mates. In the graduation book from grammer school it was pointedly stated. XX is a zealous Jehovah’s witness, but sometimes he forgets about it. (poor translation). In time, most young people in my congregation moved or quit, quite a few due to an almost paranoid, overzealous elder. I felt utterly alone those years. Then I moved to the capital city, finally got my first kiss at the overwhelming age of 24... In between I attended int. Assemblies, which definitely belong to my peak experiences as a witness. We did split up, and I met my wife to be. We got married after some one year’s acquintance. I did love her very much and she also loved me. But there was an obstacle. I’ll come back to that later. Unfortunately, I was not capable of adjusting from my repressed emotional life to that of suddenly being able to enjoy intimate relations. (What a victorian language LOL). On my wedding night, I visioned all the elders standing in front of me. It did not bolster my libido, so to speak. My wife, however, was understanding. We kept having some problems though, but we lives quite happily for some years, and we got three lovely children. I was a MS before we got married (my conscience was so strong, that I actually confessed to an elder some time after getting married that I had carressed my wife to be’s breasts before we got married. I guess he was impressed by my humility and remorse. In the early 90s I was appointed elder. This did not contribute much to me staying a witness. All the time as a witness I was of an inquiring mind, having read books and newspaper articles on JWs, Both positive and negative. I was well aware of faults, e.g. 607 vs 587 etc. I also wanted to read CoC and ISofCF, but did not until I had exited, more than a decade later. I guess I harbored doubts for a long time, but suppressed it all the time. I remember defending the DF/shunning at the doors, although disagreeing myself. I was quite disappointed when reading info on the society’s PR web site softening the policy, wheres internally it was practiced much stricter. My sister-in-law got DF, and we shunned her for five years. Finally, my wife and resumed contact after a personal tragedy that had happened to them. At first, on the internet, I found it interesting to be in touch with witnesses on the net, finding the Society’s staunch opposition to the net being rather backward. In time, I guess I distances myself to loyal witnesses by being somewhat critical on merel cultural differences, not theological/organiazational issues. In time, I could no longer reconcile my doubts with being an elder and an active witness. I disagreed on the DF/shunning policy and blood doctrine, and birthdays. I found the society’s polices on child abuse erroneus, and its organizational history dubious and its flip-flops unbearable and found the UN involvement very strange indeed (isolated I felt the involvement in a way good, but considering the societys views on the UN, it was just hypocritical). This, finally, I stepped down as an elder, and after a few months, stopped attending meetings and taking part in (token) field service. One main reason for not being active witnesses anymore, was that we wanted our children to have a normal life offereing them more choices. Fortunately, both my wife and I agreed on this, although we had kept our thoughts on this to ourselves. My reason to leave, was mostly theological/organizional, whereas my wife wanted to have a more normal, mainstream life. The past years our married deteroriated, leaving us to live like brothers and sisters in a way. We remained friends however, all the time, and co-operated nicely on the practical level. These were difficult years. Finally, my wife deciced to separate. I grudingly accepted, although having all reasons to agree. I have always held the dream of the modell family in high esteem...! However, it was faking a dream. Before we got married, I had the guts to tell my wife I was struggling with homosexuality (e.g. in dreams). I had never acted upon it though. In fact I severaly suppressed it all those years. However, the past few years it came more to the surface, I guess esp. Since the lack of intimacy etc opened the gates for it. I still not acted upon it, apart from finally accepting my own body and the pleasures it could provide me. I still love my wife, although on a different level. Living a lie is no good. I yesterday, told my wife I was gay. However, all this time, I never lived a double life so to speak. I’ve joined a group of ”Late bloomers” having group discussions on this issue. I´ll attend the first meeting today. I am very exited, but quite anxious too. I had been scared to tell my wife, scared of what It might open, but she reacted very nicely. She had known all the time, and she was glad that I finally allowed my self to embrace ”my” life and allowing her to be free to have hers. I regret though for not allowing it to happen sooner, but I was honestly not able to face it until now. I also went to a psychitrist for more than a year, and it helped me a lot. We’ve resolved to be best friends, having shared such a long time together, having children we must care for etc. I think it will work out for the best. I’ll rebuild my life under new terms. Hopefully, I might not be happier, but relieving the burden of not being 100 per cent me is lifted. So far only you and my wife knows, but gradually I´ll include my family (difficult since they are all witnesses, but they have accepted our withdrawal quite graciously, but this issue will be on another level. Also in time, my children and colleagues will be told. I look forward to start living again, having merely existed for some time. I hope you´ll back me and I’ll valu the input you might give, being mails or pm’s. I hope I have not offended anyone.
-
11
WTS statistics
by DannyBloem inare there any statistics on line, with number of witnesses, hours, batized etc, per year per country?.
(so that i do not have to type all those numbers of all yearbooks).
danny
-
-
InquiryMan
Maybe this link might be of help to toy. It offers statistics from 1988 to 2004, and will probaby be updated soon to implement the 2005 figures. It is also a breakdown in regions and countries. http://www.jwic.com/stat.htm
-
48
Kissing
by MindGhost indoes jehovah witnesses believe that kissing between man and women before marriage is allowed by the bible?.
the type[s] i have in mind is the kissing between a boyfriend-girlfriend couple [intimate kiss on the lips] or kissing like 'making out' on one night or so.
regarding other types, if jw [&others] think the bible has a different stand, please tell.. thanks in advance,
-
-
InquiryMan
I’ve only heard of one couple that postpones kissing until their wedding day. She was the daughter of a very staunch elder. He even asked a brother to come to "back"-room to discipline him cause he had seen Dirty Dancing... On the other hand, one elder’s wife once stated that the majority of young people getting married among witnesses today were not virgins...
-
13
District Conventions NYC Area
by XBEHERE ina friend of mine living in upstate ny told me that dc's for this summer will be held in the 4 local jw owned assembly halls instead of a large stadium such as yankee.
this means much smaller, and presumably more dc's during the summer since most of these places i.e.
stanley theater can only hold about 4,000-5,000 people.
-
-
InquiryMan
This has been going on in Europe for some time. District assemblies being as small as less than 1000 attending. Not so popular among the publishers, cause it is just like a prolonged circuit assembly.
-
61
Advice is to Beat the kids......still!
by Gill inthis is the watchtower for april 1, 2006, page 9.. 'parents be a fine example for your children.'.
'....of course, children are children, and some are prone to be contrary, even wayward.
(genesis 8:21) what can parents do?
-
-
InquiryMan
I’d like to refer to my posting on a European point of view above. Could it be that the cultural attitude towards corporal punishment influence how the JWs emphasize this locally? I’d strongly say that it is de-emphasized, even spoken against, in Scandinavian countries, whereas in Southern parts of Europe, e.g. Greese/Spain etc where this is more culturally accepted, it is also accepted among JWs. Not so strange perhaps?