Terry
Your posts are always worth reading and you have every right to feel angry. Your religion failed you big time and you lost something that you valued greatly. I understand because I too was chewed up by the Watchtower machine.
I left home at 17 to pioneer where the need was great in a prosperous congregation. Three years later I found myself alone in a bed-sit, cold, hungry, lonely, and forbidden the comfort of a girl friend. I was still trying to pioneer while everyone else in my congregation worked full time. It was the feeling of having been used and let down that caused me to rebel. It was to be some years before I finally broke free. There are many on this site that have shared similar experiences.
The thing is that many people don’t feel let down by religion. It still provides then with what they want. It works for them. The same as drugs work for some people, until they see the damage being done. Some found the Watchtower too strong but have found a milder medication that suits them. They don't want to wake up. It feels nice to doze and dream and feel sleepy believing that someone 'up there' will take care of everything.
Part of the anger you feel is due to the fact that other people have managed to keep hold of something that you too would have liked to have kept but failed because you were too bright to maintain the illusion. Why should others continue to gain comfort from such a destructive thing as religion when it is, to you, so obviously flawed? How come it is still legal? To hear them trying to defend such nonsense is just too much.
Religion is only one of the illusions that enable people to find life bearable. Most of the things people spend their time and money on are illusionary, false and ultimately unsatisfying. Humans are generally irrational and contradictory in the way they behave.
To try to live in a totally rational way in an irrational world is not entirely possible or desirable and leads to frustration. That is why I said earlier that ‘I hang on to a few of my illusions in case that rainy day comes around.’ It also helps me to hang on to my friends.
trevor