ecan6 You are experiencing something common to all JW's. We are trained to share only a part of ourselves with others - whether workmates, neighbors, friends, family...even spouses (read about how many on this forum are having difficulty talking with their husband or wife about doubt & their struggle with congnitive dissonance). As a true 'JW', our loyalty belongs only to God and the earthly organization.
We hide behind 'masks' so we don't expose our true feelings and thoughts. It's just part of being a Jehovah's Witness.
Deconstructing your belief system requires brutal personal honesty. Being honest with others will take some time.