I love this conversation! I do disagree with most of the posters here on this subject. Sorry. I have my own opinions.
I have been drinking alcohol for 20 yrs. I don't think I have ever gone a month without having at least 1 beer. So that means I have never been "clean and sober" by a hardline definition. I can say that I have only been "drunk" 3 times in that 20 yr period. Technically that makes me an abuser. Now......Do I care that I am a drug abuser who hasn't been able to kick the habit in 20 yrs. NO! It has not been destructive for me or people around me. If it became destructive then I would have to cut back. If I couldn't cut back then I would have to cut it out completly. Does that make sense? Now put any drug you want in place of alcohol and you have my opinion on that.
We're always trying to alter our mental state. Sometimes we go to an amusement park and ride a rollercoaster to do it. If this activity caused physical and psychological damage then I would advise against it. I undestand that there are many that don't like the way the ride alters their mental state. That's OK. We also use food to alter our mental state and I'm not talking about the obvious ones like chocolate and coffee. I mean some people get grouchy if they haven't had their "fix" (lunch). Their mood changes almost immediately. Does that make them "addicts"? YES! Do they need to cut out food altogether because they are addicted? NO! The food is not destructive unless they're eating to much. When someone is overweight and destroying their life because they abuse food, they need to be taught how to change the problems in their life that's causing them to "abuse" this mind altering substance. They don't have to cut it out altogether. It would be easier to put them in the catagory of "recovered" if they could say that they haven't touched food in 1 year but I wouldn't recommend that.
Some people choose to destroy their lives by abusing drugs. That doesn't make the drugs bad. It means this person needs to change something else in their lives. That's why the AA NA WA EA organizations advocate finding a higher power to help you. They encourage you to give up your personal choices and let some religion or religious ideas control your life. It works for many. It does not work for many. They obviously don't have all the answers. A psychologist who actually understands why people abuse themselves and who applies that knowledge on an individual basis would probably be most effective for an "addict".
This relationship is about a difference of opinion about what they consider acceptable behavior in their relationship. If they can't compromise, or better yet, come to a mutual understanding of each other's wants and desires then the relationship will not be optimum. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. It's about working with each other. It is not about putting labels on each other that act as wedges.
TimB
.