To classify any woman who does not feel like having sex as "withholding it" (as if using a weapon) shows a complete lack of understanding of women's emotions. Granted, there are probably many women who DO use sex as a weapon, and we all (including other women) consider them to be first class b*tches.
But as Steve2 wisely pointed out: As a rule,whereas the male sexual drive can function even in the absence of love and affection, women's cannot. Why turn a physiological and psychological (sp corr) difficulty in sexual functioning into a combative phrase such as using it as a weapon?
It's probably very difficult for some men to understand that women just don't get turned on when they are upset. It's not always a vindictive act, although in GTTM's case it may well be.
I don't support an instant call for divorce where younger children are involved, but having grown up in a family where it would have been better had the parents divorced, I cannot condemn it either. The line about "children deserving two parents" does not take into account the negative drama that lives within a family when the parents cannot reconcile their relationship. Better to have great times separately with each parent than to have crappy times with them both.
GTTM, only you can decide what the climate is like in your household and how you should handle it. Even though you are understandably angry at the cult, there may be a different feeling once some of this anger wears off. However, if your wife continues to act ugly and cold toward, it may be very difficult to try the "wine and dine" approach. I think many here totally understand your pain and anger. Perhaps by venting here to us, it will help you to lessen your anger level at home and allow you to clearly see the path you need to walk. Give yourself some time to see how this plays out. No matter what decisions you make, we will be here to support you.