Dear Amazing:
I chose this thread at random only to renew my appreciation for your series. I read them when I first found H2O and was shocked at how accurate they were from my own knowledge. I had been close enough to the judicial process in my years as a faithful Dub to have seen many of these same things. The elders in my last congregation occasionally took me into their confidence when dealing with sisters, probably to their credit that they even considered getting a woman's point of view.
However, their utter lack of training in dealing with real human suffering is the real "Amazing" thing about your examples. These often uneducated and ignorant men are in a position of unquestioned authority merely because they know how to work the system. To allow these individuals such control over people's lives is an outrage.
The story of the 14 year old boy who could not swear to the elders he would never self-stimulate reminds me of a sad situation involving a faithful pioneer sister:
This sister, an unusually attractive 50 year old, had pioneered for many years. She was married to an equally attractive and dynamic brother who owned a number of successful businesses. The brother often employed Witnesses and was thought of as being very helpful. The brother was also known to enjoy a "party" life-style, along with other wealthy brothers who could afford to entertain on boats and in nice restaurants. Eventually, the heavy drinking at these parties was talked about, but nothing official was ever done to stop it. The pioneer sister began to be bothered by the worldly nature of the gatherings, and decided quite suddenly to stop drinking. She also did not go along on the ski trips or yacht excursions.
Her husband continued to attend without her. One of his employees, a Witness several years younger, married to a non-Witness with three small children, became a regular guest. She soon divorced her husband, the brother left his pioneer wife, and the two got married, and of course, were disfellowshipped.
The pioneer sister was devastated. She felt used and abandoned. During the many years she was married, she had always wanted a child, but her husband did not and so she put aside her natural need to be a mother because he felt so strongly about the issue. Now, she had to watch her ex-husband drive around with his new wife's three kids in a late model luxury car, while she drove a broken down Pinto and lived in near poverty.
(As a side note, the rich brother's good friend and my employer at the time, helped him hide his assets from the sister during the divorce proceedings. I saw this first-hand but was helpless to stop it. The sister was so emotional and depressed over being dumped that she did not look out for her financial interests. She ended up clerking in a store and sharing an apartment with another sister. Although she had been a regular pioneer for many years, none of her wealthy former friends would help her.)
The sister was so lonely that eventually she ended up socializing with a group of "weak" single sisters. These ladies would go out on the weekends line dancing or doing other single-type activities. As you might imagine, the first male to come along and be kind to her took her to bed. She immediately confessed to the elders, tearful and truly repentant. They asked her the million dollar question: "Can you promise that this will NEVER happen again?" Since she had not one dishonest cell in her body, she could not bring herself to lie about the possibility she might be weak again. She failed to give them a guarantee and they disfellowshipped her.
A few months later, her husband and his new wife were reinstated. They bought a big expensive house in a sub-division where other witnesses lived. She came to a few assemblies after that and had to watch silently as people greeted the new wife and as her former husband played with the children she would never have.
This story is true. I know parts of it from first-hand observation, from talking many times with the pioneer sister, and from an elder who confided much of the committee facts after leaving.
Keep them coming, Amazing. Maybe I will, too.
(edited for typos...should never type angry)
