Posts by LostInTranslation

156

In love with a JW...

by CuriousUK in

apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.

two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.

he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.

LostInTranslation

I just discovered this old thread and would love to know how things turned out for you Curious.. (if you still check in from time to time )

Reading some of the things you said in your posts, describing his behaviour and your relationship with this man, honestly could have been written by myself in talking about my own situation.

It's a horribly emotionally challenging situation. One that most people never DREAM they would have to face in a life time.

From my heart, I hope you found your happiness.. with or without the Man.

44

jw's view of wordly people - hipocrisy

by spirituk in

jw
friends

i was wondering how a baptised jw see wordly people?

i mean what do they think of people who arent jw ?

do they think we will die forever and that we are controlled by satan?

LostInTranslation

More flies with Honey jgnat, that is usually my policy

I can't seem to tear myself away now that I am here...

Although I don't have as much to offer, ( having been brought up in a mostly agnostic household I admit that the deep understanding of JW society is not my experience)

I have been touched by this world and chaos has ensued in my OWN life because of it.

I have a background in mental healthcare as well as a degree in sociology and would love to be able to discuss and contribute where I can.

I am amazed by the openness and love here! It's really great.

44

jw's view of wordly people - hipocrisy

by spirituk in

jw
friends

i was wondering how a baptised jw see wordly people?

i mean what do they think of people who arent jw ?

do they think we will die forever and that we are controlled by satan?

LostInTranslation

jgnat,

But isn't that the point? To keep people feeling inferior so they continue to strive more, work harder , live in a festering pool of guilt and fear so that they never leave?

Self doubt and inferiority are very powerful forces of control.

44

jw's view of wordly people - hipocrisy

by spirituk in

jw
friends

i was wondering how a baptised jw see wordly people?

i mean what do they think of people who arent jw ?

do they think we will die forever and that we are controlled by satan?

LostInTranslation

I have to say, after re-reading, that I may not agree that ALL jw's are hypocrites and I really try never to judge any one as a "whole" in that way.

But again, I do understand the frustration and the hurt that this causes.

yes, it IS the ultimate in hypocracy to engage in this double life, leaving people hurt and dismayed. As I said before, I feel like I am just Collateral Damage to my JW Friend's struggle with his own "truth",

However I DO understand that this is not really intentional. I am forgiving enough that I actually feel SAD for his struggle. I can't imagine being so confused, so longing for something more, but feeling trapped by my own mind and my own cult indoctrination that I no longer have the ability to think critically or freely.

I have read so many stories of struggle and escape on this site, and have GREAT respect for many of the people here who have woken up, and had the courage to overcome such adversity, many losing family and loved ones in the process.

Kudos to all of you who have had the intestinal fortitude to free yourselves!

I hope in facing my own personal struggles that I may have the same kind of strength of character.

I can also continue to hope and pray to my OWN personal god, for the return of so many loved ones who are still living in the dark.

44

jw's view of wordly people - hipocrisy

by spirituk in

jw
friends

i was wondering how a baptised jw see wordly people?

i mean what do they think of people who arent jw ?

do they think we will die forever and that we are controlled by satan?

LostInTranslation

Spirituk,

I have recently had a very similar experience as yours. I understand your frustration and hurt all too well.

I am still dealing with the emotional upheaval of being lied to and consequently "shunned" by someone whom I was once (well twice actually...) very close to.

I, like you, am not nor never have been a JW.

It's a painful experience to get caught up in and something very very difficult to grasp in it's full magnitude if you really have not had experience in the cult mindset or understanding how VERY indoctrinated and involved the jw life and dare I say, culture is. I totally see what you are saying. I have been strugginling with the same thoughts:

" if you are a true jw ( brainwashed as f**k) you wouldnt do anything wordly (having fun with wordly friends that are going to die and that are controlled by satan) but you would focus on your preaching,marrying young ,serving god ,field service ,studying and only that.. but of course we know that all jws are hypocrites , leading their double lifes and ruin others people.. they feel guilt for a god that does not exist , they sacrafice reality for imagination and absurdity.Then when things get rough ,they just vanish from other peoples life ,believing of doing the right thing for them ,but thats only for themselves .. "

Even though the wonderful people from JWN have helped my understanding grow immensely, and I am able to more often separate my own feelings of "what did I do wrong" and see more clearly that this is NOT me, but entirely my JW companion's issue to deal with (really I am just Collateral Damage in the train wreck of his JW life choices), I UNDERSTAND your anger and frustration.

The choice that your JW friend made to involve you in her life, all the while KNOWING she could never really BE in your life is cruel and selfish. Not very Christian at ALL is it?

I feel very resentful that I am the one viewed as the devil's cohort, when I am not the one of the two of us who went against my "God", misled, hurt and then consequently totally walked away from and shunned the person I professed to care for so deeply. THe irony of these actions from my very "spiritually advanced" friend, are not lost...

Having spent time here talking to some of these great people, reading their stories and understanding the mindset and CULT of the JW organization has helped me a great deal.. and I hope if you stick around and listen/read it will help you too.

40

Non JW involved with a JW

by LostInTranslation in

i am a non jw who has been doing a fair amount of research on my own in hopes of finding some answers and understanding for my current heartwrenching situation:.

i have been dating a man for the last while, and we grew very close, very quickly.. .

suddenly he has pulled away from me, gotten very skittish and says he feels like he is leading a double life, and isn't ready for a relationship.. all the while stating that his impending divorce is the reason for his cold feet, which could be understandable except the marriage was very much "over" long ago.

LostInTranslation

Thank you Nochoice!

While this took some time for me come to my realization, and I needed some help from people more experienced and understanding of the JW ways, (and the help was immense!)

I have come to the conclusion that being apart IS the right thing.

I left him before 20 years ago when things were bad and he was not ready to get help for his substance abuse, Seems to me that not much has changed. Just the booze has become JW`s.

Crutch for a Crutch. Still something other than himself making his decisions for him.

No worries, I am better than that.

I really clearly see how weak he is. Sad as it is. I DO wish him well and hope he finds his way out, but it`s been a very long time that he has been `seeking` himself in some form or other... so I must admit I don`t have a world of hope.

My life goes on. I have a pretty full and loving life with good friends, wonderful children and a loving family.

I will be fine. This was surprising to me and shook me for a minute - mostly because of our past history I think, it kind of gave this a different quality of `connection`

but I have no qualms in my ability to move past it and be happy! (have faced bigger adversity and been hurt by more in my life).

You guys here are amazing, your ability to accept people, their stories and be so forthcoming and kind leaves me at a loss for words!

Thank you all again.

I think I will stick around some

40

Non JW involved with a JW

by LostInTranslation in

i am a non jw who has been doing a fair amount of research on my own in hopes of finding some answers and understanding for my current heartwrenching situation:.

i have been dating a man for the last while, and we grew very close, very quickly.. .

suddenly he has pulled away from me, gotten very skittish and says he feels like he is leading a double life, and isn't ready for a relationship.. all the while stating that his impending divorce is the reason for his cold feet, which could be understandable except the marriage was very much "over" long ago.

LostInTranslation

PM back at ya lost

40

Non JW involved with a JW

by LostInTranslation in

i am a non jw who has been doing a fair amount of research on my own in hopes of finding some answers and understanding for my current heartwrenching situation:.

i have been dating a man for the last while, and we grew very close, very quickly.. .

suddenly he has pulled away from me, gotten very skittish and says he feels like he is leading a double life, and isn't ready for a relationship.. all the while stating that his impending divorce is the reason for his cold feet, which could be understandable except the marriage was very much "over" long ago.

LostInTranslation

Well,

after much deliberation and help from you very kind people, I realised what needed to be done with my situation. I decided to send him a final "farewell"

I was kind, and open.. letting him know I understood his dilemma, and that since I am now aware of his relgious affiliation I completely understand how confusing and frightening it is for him to keep me in his life. (both for himself and the children he is raising in the "truth")... that I now get the "Complications" as he liked to put it. (he kept telling me this would be a 'long haul' and that his life was 'complicated' without coming out and fessing up to the JW thing)

I told him I thought it was unfair that he wasn't honest with me about his Beliefs from the start, but that I get it now...

then I wished him well with his life

The end.

Yes: tenyearsin, we have been intimate. And now I suppose he will deal with the guilt/fall out from that if he chooses to confess, and even if he doesn't, he can battle with himself.

He made the choices, I guess now he will suffer the consequences.

I really WOULD love to see him get control of his life and find the REAL truth, but that I have no control over. If he ever needs a friend when the chips were down, I wouldn't turn him away, but friendship would be as far as I would go.

I deserve to be sane too NO shrieking/Screaming for this chick! LOL

Thanks everyone. So much.

40

Non JW involved with a JW

by LostInTranslation in

i am a non jw who has been doing a fair amount of research on my own in hopes of finding some answers and understanding for my current heartwrenching situation:.

i have been dating a man for the last while, and we grew very close, very quickly.. .

suddenly he has pulled away from me, gotten very skittish and says he feels like he is leading a double life, and isn't ready for a relationship.. all the while stating that his impending divorce is the reason for his cold feet, which could be understandable except the marriage was very much "over" long ago.

LostInTranslation

literally overnight, nothing.

Thank you lost1. Yep this was my experience as well.

He had wavered a little before, doing the hot/cold thing with me but always coming back around after a day or so.

This time though, I just told him that I thought we needed to cool things down a bit so we could get our bearings. I made it clear that I wanted to continue contact and seeing him but on a less intense level until we could sort things out (Him still having never admitted his JW involvement).

He shut down on me IMMEDIATELY when I said this, he turned into "cult persona"(as I realize now in hindsight) and was very formal in his speech, cold if you will. He DID apologise to me for having hurt me in our past relationship and said he would never want to hurt me again that way though.

As I have said in previous posts, I am very much understanding now that this is something I probably need to let go. I am seeing the entire picture now thanks to so many of the kind people here

as well as from doing research and reading everything I can get my hands on.

Knowledge really IS power. I feel much better about "me" with the understanding I have gleaned from posting and reading here. I totally get that this is not MY issue... it's entirely his.

~~Lost~~

40

Non JW involved with a JW

by LostInTranslation in

i am a non jw who has been doing a fair amount of research on my own in hopes of finding some answers and understanding for my current heartwrenching situation:.

i have been dating a man for the last while, and we grew very close, very quickly.. .

suddenly he has pulled away from me, gotten very skittish and says he feels like he is leading a double life, and isn't ready for a relationship.. all the while stating that his impending divorce is the reason for his cold feet, which could be understandable except the marriage was very much "over" long ago.

LostInTranslation

Thank you again everyone.

Jgnat,

I am not under any disallusion that may be able to wake up or "free" him.

I have no intention of even trying, this is out of my realm and I know that. Really at this point I would just like to sit with him and hear him tell me some truths. To this point he has still

not mentioned the JW to me. I guess I just feel he owes me a little honesty.

My questions about how best to speak with him and how to approach it with him is not with intention of trying to change him, but how to not have him run screaming either and turning directly to the cult persona. I would much rather discuss this with his authentic self.

I guess I would just like to keep an open dialogue without him feeling judged and without me feeling shut down, if any of that makes sense.

I realize in all honesty that it very well may be our last discussion. I would like to walk away feeling like I didn't add to his decision to stay embeded in the JW world. (no one wants to be a vehicle of satan after all )