Posts by dissonance

63

Sparlock is helping Mormons

by cedars in

check out this awesome video - part 7 in a series where a mormon uses the witnesses as a proxy to figure out why his own faith is wrong.. sparlock, hassan's bite model, and even the 2013 "human apostates" convention talk all make cameos.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmesmlhydru.

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cedars.

dissonance_resolved

BTTT - one of the best explanations I've seen of how the BITE model and cognitive dissonance works

36

?? Question for those that have successfully faded/are out:

by Darth Fader The Sequel in

question: can any of you that have successfully faded out of the jw world without being df'd or da'd relate to me/us how you were able to maintain at least one or a few of your "still in" friends or family?

(and even if you were df'd or da'd and still maintained some relationships, how did that go?).

obviously, the truly demented, sick and twisted (and highly effective) policies and structure of the wtbt$ to set up a system by which anyone that chooses to no longer believe or participate must be treated as "mentally diseased" and a pariah by their own friends and family is the hands down, numero uno reason why many hundreds of thousands and possibly millions of jw's do not leave.

dissonance_resolved

I seem to have successfully executed a fade. I had a carefully planned (on the calendar) fade over eight months. Gradually, gradually reducing for all sorts of good reasons, until the annual meeting last year when I stopped altogether. I counted all JW friends as a loss- too difficult to maintain and they aren't real friendships anyway. With my family, I refuse to engage AT ALL on anything JW related. They try to get me to talk and I just say "I have nothing to say." They send me emotionally manipulative texts and emails and I don't respond, but if they send me something normal, I respond warmly and make sure to tell them I love them. I try to reach out to them and share what's going on in my life and invite them to do things that we all enjoy. I can't say it isn't tense, but it's definitely not as bad as I thought it might be. I have had no calls or visits from the elders or anyone else.

My focus now is on my spouse and kids and helping them wake up- a much more difficult task than a fade. This site has been so helpful, though- listen to the advice you get because it really works.

49

Society money grab tonight

by Red Piller in

wow.

you read about it here.

but, it still doesn't prepare you.. our hall passed a resolution to give about 15,000 to the wt.

dissonance_resolved

My congregation resolved to continue sending the $1,000+ they were previously sending for their mortgage. One brother commented during the discussion for the resolution and asked if it would be possible to resolve to send MORE than the usual $$ amount since the box in the back was being eliminated. Someone else said, nothing has really changed, we're just calling it something different. Also, the CO's apartment is getting new everything (counters, heating system, landscaping, windows, etc.) and they're paying for that too without batting an eye.

10

Brooklyn Bethel in the 1940 census

by dissonance_resolved in

jw
friends

prompted by another post, i looked up 124 columbia heights in the 1940 census.

a few interesting things: all occupants are listed as having the profession of "sell- religious books," except rutherford who is listed as an "editor.

" odd that they aren't listed as ministers.. also, all the educational levels of the occupants were provided- many had not even graduated high school and some not even grammar school.

dissonance_resolved

Prompted by another post, I looked up 124 Columbia Heights in the 1940 census. A few interesting things: all occupants are listed as having the profession of "Sell- Religious books," except Rutherford who is listed as an "Editor." Odd that they aren't listed as ministers.

Also, all the educational levels of the occupants were provided- many had not even graduated high school and some not even grammar school. A few names jumped out (number= highest grade completed with H as high school and C as college):

K Klein 8

G Suitor H1

H Covington H4

F Franz C4

M Henschel H2

N Knorr H4

R Kurzen C3

M Larson H4

JT Rutherford C3

C Wise 4

All white males with just a few white females. What a difference some distance makes!

44

Has anyone found comfort/encouragement from "worldly songs"?

by awakening in

jw
friends

i remember reading a thread when my exit was starting, about inspirational songs.

someone posted a link to the "shins" for a fool.

this was a surprising help to me.

dissonance_resolved

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight

Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in
Heaven knows I tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always had to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
Up here in the cold thin air I finally can breathe
I know I left a life behind but I'm too relieved to grieve

Let it go, Let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, Let it go,
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

Standing - frozen in the life I've chosen
You won't find me, the past is so behind me
Buried in the snow

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go,
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway...

3

Out of the mouths of babes

by dissonance_resolved in

since i started my fade, i've been really worried about my kids being taken to meetings by my husband and continuing to be indoctrinated.

i guess i needn't have worried, though, the wt is digging their own grave for me.

below is verbatim my young daughter's notes from a recent meeting (though names have been changed):.

dissonance_resolved

Since I started my fade, I've been really worried about my kids being taken to meetings by my husband and continuing to be indoctrinated. I guess I needn't have worried, though, the WT is digging their own grave for me. Below is verbatim my young daughter's notes from a recent meeting (though names have been changed):

The first 10 minutes. My brother is drawing Mario tilting his head. Then dad says he's too old to be drawing. But he keeps drawing. But while that's been happening, brother Smith is choosing who should read Jeremiah 28:10-17. My brother is still drawing. Now they are reading chapter 12, then they would ask the question, call on someone and they will answer it. My brother is almost done with his Mario guy. While the people on stage are reading paragraph 13 he is still drawing. Now brother Smith is calling on someone to read 2 Peter 2:9. My brother is done with his Mario guy and now he is writing a letter to Mom. It is 8:00 and it is time to end: Jer. Chapter 13, paragraph 8-13 (30 minutes).

My brother's letter says: mom, so far I'm drawing and my sister is writing girl stuff. I think we are getting ice cream after. Can Billy come over tomorrow? Can you get pop tarts? Thanks. I'm bored. Also cookies.

We are skipping the next Tuesday meeting because we are going on vacation! Anyway the brother on the stage is giving a talk and he is asking questions, calling on people and the people are answering the questions. It is 8:15 only 45 minutes more. The brother on stage is using more time than he is supposed to. Oh good he's done. Now another brother is giving a talk by reading Luke 12:4-12 and explaining what it's saying. Now it's 8:40 and we're done.

14

Faders- if I can do it, you can do it too!

by dissonance_resolved in

hi all- haven't posted much lately but i wanted to check in and give an update on my fade.

all of the advice i've received here has been spot on so far!

phase i is complete- i'm completely inactive, no service or meetings in a few months.

dissonance_resolved

Love2Bworldly- it's sad isn't it? You think you're part of a worldwide brotherhood, each and every one of whom would give up their life for you, but miss a few meetings and you are dead to them.

Nonjwspouse- thanks for the well wishes! I hope it works out, too. As a JW, I always felt like I wasn't really living, just waiting for paradise for the "real life." The realization that this IS the real life is still something I'm getting used to, not just sitting back and waiting but going out there and actually living. Very strange.

Ding, zeb and LoisLane- thanks!

LHG- it DOES feel like trying to escape. It's like you don't realize just how strong of a grip they have on your life, relationships, time, energy, psyche, etc. until you try to get out.

Nice Dream- I had the same experience- not buying Xmas decorations, but seeing JWs at the mall and literally running the other direction so I wouldn't have to talk to them. Absolutely ridiculous.

happy@last- did you have a Xmas tree? Honestly, why can't they mind their own business? My husband is still thoroughly brainwashed so Xmas might just be a pipe dream, but we can hope.

Cyrus- that is the dilemma I'm facing. As of now, I'm sure my husband would go to the KH if we moved. And I don't suppose there's any way our current Cong would send just his cards and not mine. I've thought that maybe if I moved first, maybe I could get my cards sent to a different Cong and then never switch them, but that would be complicated. Also, I believe my dad will make it his personal mission to be sure that no matter where I move, the Cong knows exactly where I live and what my current status is.

14

Faders- if I can do it, you can do it too!

by dissonance_resolved in

hi all- haven't posted much lately but i wanted to check in and give an update on my fade.

all of the advice i've received here has been spot on so far!

phase i is complete- i'm completely inactive, no service or meetings in a few months.

dissonance_resolved

Hi all- haven't posted much lately but I wanted to check in and give an update on my fade. All of the advice I've received here has been spot on so far! Thanks to all!

Phase I is complete- I'm completely inactive, no service or meetings in a few months. I've refused to discuss my reasons with anyone, so they've been left to their own conclusions- that I'm depressed, sick, materialistic, stumbled, or whatever other negative, judgmental reasons they can come up with. With the exception of a few letters, emails, voice mails- all with no follow up- I've been left alone by the congregation and elders. The biggest hurdle was my parents- after making it clear I'm not going to meetings anymore, I invited them over for a meal and they came! We've had moderate interaction since- they aren't shunning me, but are keeping their distance, which is ok.

So, on to phase II- getting my kids the heck out of Dodge while hopefully preserving our family intact! We are exploring moving far away- for my husband, this is merely an adventure, but for me, this is instrumental to our escape. As long as we are in the same area with family and friends, I'll always be looking over my shoulder and they will always be taking attendance at meetings and service. In a new area, with virtually no spiritual support, it will be much more likely that my husband will miss meetings, etc. We have job interviews and some promising possibilities, so I'm hopeful. My daughter is completely in cahoots with me- our goal is to be able to celebrate Christmas next year. But she understands daddy doesn't agree right now and we need to give him some time.

I've found a good therapist, which has been essential- she gets out the box of tissues for me each week and whatever I've been going through just gets out and I move on. It's not easy, but I wonder if every JW who wanted out just felt less trapped, maybe that would be the tipping point. Just stop running on the hamster wheel, refuse to play their game and just maybe you'll get your life back!

2

Some updates made to digital publications may not yet appear in the printed editions

by dissonance_resolved in

this is the new disclaimer at the bottom of the downloads page of jw.org.

pretty soon the old versions will all just go down the memory hole and they will think they are in control of the past..

dissonance_resolved

This is the new disclaimer at the bottom of the downloads page of jw.org. Pretty soon the old versions will all just go down the memory hole and they will think they are in control of the past.

6

Ive got the Christmas spirit--its killing me

by DS211 in

tonight we watched home alone 2, last nghr we watched home alone...i hear the christmas music and i have started to....feel again.

its hard to describe this feeling...its overjoyed, peaceful, hopeful, at the beauty ive missed around this time.

and at the same time it kills me because my children dont know it...its just another day, no special time, no holidays...my daughter asked me the other night if she could have a birthday.

dissonance_resolved

Hi DS211- I'm a born-in and it's really painful for me right now too. I've realized that all those times as a kid that I said not having Xmas or birthdays was fine was a complete lie. Of course kids want to have those special times. So it's all the more difficult this year to deprive my children while trying to get my hubby to wake up. I just keep telling myself that I might lose the battle but I'm going to win the war. Get out with my family intact and then we will seriously make up some lost time in the festivities arena. Hang in there- we'll get through this!

dissonance_resolved

Posts by dissonance_resolved