Hi Gang, I took my new girl-friend last night to a country club for a quiet drink and dinner.
It was a good oppertunity to really get to know her.After an hour or so, our conversation went off
the mundane Sex In The City type of conversation :( she`s into the hot candle wax and the sniffin $bills
thing zzzzz Snore...) and into the more personal and philosophical....when I happened to mention
that I had just dumped the JW religion.( she thought that was histerical..;I still can`t see the joke!?)
I didn`t really want to get into religion or politics, as they are both Tabo and passion-killer subjects,
so tried to return to the Sex In The City type conversation wondering if she ever tried the Van de Graaff
thing, being a collage student. But she was like a dog with a bone, she just wouldn`t get off the subject
of me being an ex-JW. So I thought I`d twist the conversation a little to suit my purposes, and told her
the witnesses are not like some religions doing really prevy things with holes in sheets etc...{ ask Ed for
the kinky details}but she would have none of it. So I just kept toppin-up her wine glass and let her rant
on for half an hour without saying any-thing.She REALLY had a bee in her bonnet about the witnesses..
God knows what her pulse and heart rate shot up to, she we really giving it some Wellie, her breasts were
heaving,her face was bright red and she was covered in perspiration..{ Obviously like any Guy, I thought-
stuff the hot wax and Van de Graaff, I `ll just whisper the trigger words to her at the appropiate moment-
..ie.." what do you think of the JWs??").Because I`m an English gentleman,I`m not going divulge what
happend when I whispered the trigger word.
As I`ve been laying here all day in bed recovering from last night, I`ve been thinking of what my girl friend
was saying last night.And can`t help noticing that she started each and EVERY new verbal onslaught or
attack with the same sentance. Which was; " I don`t hate the witnesses BUT.... ". So I thought, because
you guys are so good at filling in the spaces on these posts, I`d leave you to guess what followed -
" I don`t hate the witnesses BUT......
Sparks
JoinedPosts by Sparks
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"I don`t hate the witnesses BUT......
by Sparks inhi gang, i took my new girl-friend last night to a country club for a quiet drink and dinner.. it was a good oppertunity to really get to know her.after an hour or so, our conversation went off .
the mundane sex in the city type of conversation :( she`s into the hot candle wax and the sniffin $bills.
thing zzzzz snore...) and into the more personal and philosophical....when i happened to mention.
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Sparks
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Some Butt-clenching JW quotes...
by Sparks in"(((i)))would rather die than miss a meeting !".
"i`m reaching out ".
"my only real family, is at the kingdom hall".
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Sparks
Dawn that was perfect,so true!!! They ALL are.But may I just add a tiny bit please:-
".....Leave it in Jehovah`s hands... + Don`t get yourself in a jam !" [BBC Panarama]( Butt clenching doesen`t always work...That statement still gives me the sh**s !]
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I think I`m catching Ally Mcbeal sickness.....
by Sparks in....and it`s great!!!
over the past few days, when ever i start to think of the witnesses,i hear bob dylan...i`ll try to explain.
when i was still attending the meetings and still regarded my self as a witness.i would often hear very nasty remarks from other witnesses, mostly elders and full time pioneers, about those that only came to the hall for the memorial or c.os visit.the most memorable time was while out on the minestry with an elder.a young couple went by pushing their baby in a buggy.
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Sparks
OOPS...... Just in case some-ones still there. I am 1,000% straight. I ment I wouldn`t mind having Harrison Fords LOOKS. I really should listen to my self speak!!! I think Ally McBeals the sexist woman on T.V....I`m a legman,mini-skirts. ..corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!
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Some Butt-clenching JW quotes...
by Sparks in"(((i)))would rather die than miss a meeting !".
"i`m reaching out ".
"my only real family, is at the kingdom hall".
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Sparks
"(((I)))would rather DIE than miss a meeting !"
"I`m reaching out "
"My only REAL family, is at the Kingdom Hall"
"...yes but, I`ve been brainwashed- clean-with the Truth"
"We live in a spiritual paradise"
"...I ONLY have a television set to watch the wildlife programs"
"I ALWAYS read the study articals in the Watchtower FIRST"
"The Awake! magazine is the equivalent to a Phd degree"
or....
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Are all congregations the same?
by Sparks ini am english, and live in england.
my parents were witnesses,so i was dragged along to the local.
kingdom hall twice a week back in the early sixties.because i was forced to sit there on a rock.
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Sparks
Hi Gang, sorry about long delay in answering...I`ve been pissing myself laughing at your replies, your all too much!!!
Hi nightwarrior, NO I am not attending the meetings any-more, I dissfellowshiped THEM after seeing BBCs Panarama, that was the last straw....I could NEVER stay in an oraganization that sheilds child molesters.
Hello Ed, actually I was being dead serious....!!! No I haven`t heard Mr Bean singing unfortunately,sounds a screem! I`ll keep an ear open for it though.Thanks.
I would love to hear about the nutters in YOUR old congregations.( They helped me stay awake and sane during the meetings in my old congregations and stopped the brain-washing process...it was better than T.V.) I n posting this thread I was really hoping you would tell us about the differant stereotypes you knew.My misstake, sorry I should have asked more clearly.....Who was the most memorable type you came across ?and why? ( cloning..!!! your too much nightwarrior.....I almost wet myself laughing...!!!) Thanx Guys Sparks
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Are all congregations the same?
by Sparks ini am english, and live in england.
my parents were witnesses,so i was dragged along to the local.
kingdom hall twice a week back in the early sixties.because i was forced to sit there on a rock.
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Sparks
I am English, and live in England. My parents were witnesses,so I was dragged along to the local
Kingdom Hall twice a week back in the early sixties.Because I was forced to sit there on a rock
hard wooden seat, not able to move a muscle for fear of being dragged out the back and smacked,
I just sat there quietly for two long hours studying the cracks on the clock face, as the hands moved
slowly backwards...tick tock..tick..tock...what a bloody nightmare that was; at the age of five I
felt like an old man of ninety.I wasn`t allowed to take toys, color in pictures, eat sweets or make any
sound, or sleep.The only thing I could do was look at things, study peoples faces or clothes, and
take in the many differant smells; the old Grannies smelt of Wintergreen and Lavender.Their old
fart husbands would smell of Brillcream and mothballs,this was mixed with the smell of urine and
methane gas.If it was wet out side, the smells where almost suffocating.Then there was the new
born baby with it`s Terry nappy fully loaded, simmering gently , over in the corner
for an hour and a half. One of the middle aged sisters was REALLY over weight,
some-times she`d come in late and bounce down the aisle looking like a bouncy castle from behind...
( The Russians sent up a rocket in 1971 to photograph the other side of her).
Then there was the weirdo, who always came in five minutes late during the prayer still
singing the last verse of the song.. you could hear mutters of " Please God, don`t let the Nutter
sit next to me!!!"... After we all sat down, he`d be sitting alone in a sea of empty chairs....
while every one was reading along in their Watchtower, he would say "Marvellous" every
five minutes....."Marvellous."
One of the pretty young pioneers thought she was God`s gift to men.And one of the young
pioneer males, thought he was God`s gift to every-one!!! The Smith family, Mum,Dad,two
teenage girls, two spotty boys and a baby sat there in their perfect clothes,reading along
in their perfect bibles,answering up with their perfect answers.When ever there was a need
to have a little demonstration of how a family should hold a perfect family bible study, the
Smiths were up there on the platform without fail, they NEVER miss a meeting. "Marvellous".
Oh yeah, I almost forgot Sister Desperate, oh and Brother Smellibreath.There was a few
others that just turned up for the Memorial, (thank God)-some where a bit creepy or prevy.
There was also a small group of people that I never got to know, they never spoak to any-
one,they were mostly pioneers and people who had little private parties and barbecues in their
back gardens in the summer. "Marvellous". ( I wish that nutter would piss-off !).
As for my Dad; I will not say how zealous a witness he was,but every time we went on vacation,
he would phone- in sick ,out of habit.! No one got to speak to the presiding overseer much,
he used to avoid people, just in case they had a problem.( After speaking to him for two minutes,
death suddenly lost it`s sting.). 99% of the males in the congregation worked as window cleaners.
But most of the Elders had good jobs or small businesses, but even as a child, I thought some
were quite thick. Brother Henderson was very proud of his aristocratic roots, his Great-great-
great Granfather built the first Paper Mill in England in 1556. ( It blew away in the gales of 1557..!).
When I got to the age where I could leave home, I shot off so fast, all my father remembers of
me, is the smell of burning rubber off my shoes....I had a great time for about ten years, mostly
on the road doing the Easyrider thing.But then fate struck....I let my guard down for five minutes
and fell hopelessly in love; and worse,...she was brought-up a witness also !!! Any-way, we
settled down and did the baby thing and got a house...etc..etc..Alls going well until we both
desided to go back to the meetings for some stupid reason. ( dog returns to vomit?).
Although it had been at least ten years since either of us had set foot inside a Kingdom Hall,
and we were 250 miles away from our birth places in a different county, a very strong sence
of Deja vu hit us both as we entered the Kingdom Hall. After the public talk started, a middle-
aged man walked in and sat down-He was fat,bald and wareing a bright red flowery dress...!
The Watson family took up the front row and looked perfect,two teenage girls, two spotty boys
and the baby.. .Bouncy castle had a son with her, who looked like the Michelin-man. Infact all
the stereotypes were there...!!! " Marvellous" ( piss-off !)
Because of circumstances, deaths in the family, employment etc..I have moved around England
quiet a lot when I was a witness. So I obviously went to as many Kingdom Halls as places
I lived and worked . I just couldn`t help noticing the same types of people every where I`ve
been....Sister Desperate, the nutter, the over weight Jolly-bouncy castle, Sister Gods gift to men,
The Clique of snobs,The Perfect JW family, Smellibreath and the rest....
So I `ve been wondering, whats the congregations like in the States/Canada,do you have the
same stereotypes we have in England....??? "Marvellous -
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I CANT MAKE LOVE ?? HOW DO WE DO IT
by nightwarrior inthis posess a seriouse problem to some youngsters within the congregations,are the elders and magazines to controlling ?????.
ayoung couple started married life of ,without the big bang, yes ladies the husband never knew where to put it ,even three months after his wedding night he still hadnot cosumated the wedding,eventualy after 18 months the wife runs of with a worldly man, .
are the youngsters getting married to quick / to soon.. does this show to the effect of mind control over some people ,that they are bombarded with negative all through there lives as j.w.. this is just the tip of the pencil how else are people affected by the magazines and elders,.
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Sparks
Speaking as a tipical Englishman,I`ve been shaggin` since getting my first hard-on in primary school, and it was the girls that tault us lads.... I was born and bred in Chelsea,London which is like New York..ie ..very cosmopolitan.So like most guys, got to bang girls from France/Spain/Japan/Thialand/Sweden/ and several other countries.Once the novelty wears off with the Bonkin` foreign chics, some guys start to get into drugs and kinky stuff. Personally, I found smoking J`s was just a turn-off-( sniffin Amolnitre was okay, but hard to get hold of)- I couldn`t , and don`t, understand the PVC and whipping thing etc..and the 3 in the bed thing ( 2GIRLS and me, I`m 1,000% straight) was always too knackering...Then I started to study with the witnesses- ( I`d done the Prodical son thing)-and started to take out pioneers, and boy..!!!what a load of Goer`s they were..HOT or WHAT..!!! some where the most pervy women I`ve ever come across..I`ve had more knee-tremblers behind the assembly grounds than at most Disco`s !!! I`ve only met one pioneer sister that was abit Naff, she phoned the Presideing Overseer at midnight in tears because I French kissed her on our first date.Being a Gentleman, I didn`t mention while being counciled for it, that she`d shoved her hand down my trousers seconds before...So the moral to all this,I`m not easily shocked-- because like most Englishman,Frenchman and American/Canadian and the good old Aussies,we`ve either done it all, or gonna do it all in the near future- given half the chance.....But this thing with the hole in the sheet is just TOO pervy to believe....next your be telling us it`s a RUBBER sheet..... Thank goodness I now just live a normal quiet life away from all that pervy stuff.Well I`ve gotta go now, I can hear my two ex-pioneer girls slapping each other with wet copies of the Watchtower in the bath...
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Kids! the things they come out with..!
by Sparks inafter an elderly elder gave a l o n g ass clenchingly boring public talk about the flood in noah`s day, .
a little boy went up to him at the end of the meeting and asked "uncle ted, was you in the ark?".
the crusty old.
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Sparks
After an elderly Elder gave a l o n g ass clenchingly boring public talk about the flood in Noah`s day,
a little boy went up to him at the end of the meeting and asked "Uncle Ted, was you in the Ark?". The crusty old
fart glared at the boy for a moment and said "NO I was NOT in the Ark !" Without hesitation the little boy said
" why wasn`t you drown then!?!"Little four year old Lisa was very busy painting a picture in class, when her teacher asked what she was painting..
" God " lisa said proudly. " But no one knows what God looks like Sweetheart" said her puzzled teacher....... " They WILL when I`M finnished".( those two stories are second-hand, but this one is embarrassing...) When I was about nine, my teacher-Miss North
was telling my class all about sea monsters,Sharks,Whales etc...Then went on to ask us which sea creature we thought
was the most terrifying.I put up my hand and said " The Octopus Miss, because it squirts horrible ink at you, then raps
it`s testicles around your body and squeezes you to death...."
I only remember that because Miss North suddenly made a high-pitched squeal/laugh noise, covered her mouth and ran
out the class....She returned five minutes later with black mascara running down her face, and sat down.Little Jenny in
the front row said " you bin crying Miss?" Miss North took one look at me, and ran back out the room in hysterical-
laughter.....again.
Please let me know what you have heard a child say, or you said or did as a child thats either funny or embarrassing,
Go on be a sport, I told you about me....( I`m still red faced !!!). -
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I think I`m catching Ally Mcbeal sickness.....
by Sparks in....and it`s great!!!
over the past few days, when ever i start to think of the witnesses,i hear bob dylan...i`ll try to explain.
when i was still attending the meetings and still regarded my self as a witness.i would often hear very nasty remarks from other witnesses, mostly elders and full time pioneers, about those that only came to the hall for the memorial or c.os visit.the most memorable time was while out on the minestry with an elder.a young couple went by pushing their baby in a buggy.
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Sparks
....oops!!! Please-please-PLEASE forgive me Mary, when I read your reply last night, I was half asleep.It was in the wee small hours.Some-thing you said made me think you was still going to the meetings ....so sorry.(slap on the rist).
Hi Fe203 Girl, .......only when I drink!!!You sound like you are a fan too,I just love the way Native New Yorkers talk so openly about their personal feelings etc...so oppersite to us Brits, we are so terrified not to appear NORMAL...When I start seeing Dancing babies, I`ll start a new Thread.....Thanxxx
Hi Tres Happy, ....and I wouldn`t mind having what Harrison Ford has......!!! corrrrrr real Hot stuff. ( Ally`s cute too !).
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I think I`m catching Ally Mcbeal sickness.....
by Sparks in....and it`s great!!!
over the past few days, when ever i start to think of the witnesses,i hear bob dylan...i`ll try to explain.
when i was still attending the meetings and still regarded my self as a witness.i would often hear very nasty remarks from other witnesses, mostly elders and full time pioneers, about those that only came to the hall for the memorial or c.os visit.the most memorable time was while out on the minestry with an elder.a young couple went by pushing their baby in a buggy.
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Sparks
Thankyou very much indeed larc, I will try to down-load them songs off Kazaa tomorrow, their perfect....Love em!!!!
Hi Mary, thankyou so much for your warm comments.I have noticed that many JW publications when talking about Jesus`s illustrations tend to deal with the Faithful and Discreet Slave Class more than whats important to the average witness.There seems to be a >US and THEM attitude in the Governing body.Many of Jesus`s illustrations are lessons on how we should treat one another in our day to day lives, Good Samaritan etc...and the moral to the story is often lost due to this preoccupation the Society has with the Chosen ones.This is quiet clearly seen in The Greatest Man That Ever Lived book,where the real lesson is lost, or missed out all together.This to me is very sad, as many witnesses have become quiet stiff-necked.like the Jews were in Moses time,and some quiet heartless and cold...I have seen this at funerals etc..and when talking about persons not attending meetings regularly. Jesus`s lessons are moving and POWERFUL and if we are not moved by them,due to being side tracked,we don`t apply them in our dealings with others, as Jesus intended us to do.Personally Mary, I find when I read from the old King James Version about Jusus and His illustrations, I feel very spiritual, and often get all choked-up inside and cry.It`s very rare one sees a witness moved to tears at the Memorial or funerals etc..even with the solfies.Theres nothing wrong with reading the old Bible,I remember useing the KJV at the meetings before the New World Translation.But be warned Sweetheart, the Elders will not look kindly to you useing a differant Bible, the same as using old Watchtowers.( see Quotes Web-site).Thankyou very much indeed for your nice comments, I`m pleased my views some-times help others, but mostly, I hope you will listen to Jesus`s words more than imperfect mans, cos as LyinEyes said once `this is how Jesus ment it to be..Plain and simple..... ( differant time zone here in England ) Nite-nite and God bless.. Sparks