zanex

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Posts by zanex

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  44

  Who still goes to meetings?

  by christopherceo in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  just a curious question to see what types of stories i get.

  let's hear how you do it.

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  zanex

  BWAHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (does that answer yer question?)
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  9

  zanex retires

  by zanex in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  his anger...i think that i have gotten to a point where all the anger that i have been holding onto for all of these years is not doing me any good...i actually got into a conversation with my better half in which she told me that she was tired of the constant self-abuse that i put myself through.

  i have been df'd for a long time and i have had time to get used to the fact that if my family ever wants to have contact with me it will be if they give up their religious beliefs..i can no longer allow the anger to eat at me...it isnt doing anything good for me.

  i dont want to be angry anymore.... blind rage controls.

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  zanex

  pettygrudger:" Its funny, because as a JW I NEVER thought I was a good person - I think that's whats programmed into one first - that we're all "sinners" who are one small action away from total damnation & eternal death......and then when confirmation is made via "df'ing" " this is the absloute truth...I like what ya said. It made me look back on my days as a jw..I dont ever really recall feeling good about myself...and that sentence really made me look back. I feel better about myself now than i ever did as a practicing jw..

  rodbar: If some small thing that I put down on this computer screen touched you then it was well worth it. The words are small but they have meaning behind them that only a select group of people can understand fully. I am glad that I have been able to relate. That wounded exjw that I was is finally healing...the poetry is a reflecton of that healing process and one that I am glad to be able to share with others. :)

  -Z-
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  10

  The Hate of Winter

  by Robdar in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  one day my flowers died, .

  wilted from not enough rain.

  the petals fell to the ground.

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  zanex

  robyn, I like it. I have been there..I have felt those words before. the mixture of calm depression and the shock of killing oneself...I like it. I have not been in that place in a long long time but I definitely remember being there. It's amazing what comes out of our minds when we just let go and let fly what the raw feeling and emotion we happen to be experiencing is saying to us. Cathartic tho isnt it?
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  9

  zanex retires

  by zanex in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  his anger...i think that i have gotten to a point where all the anger that i have been holding onto for all of these years is not doing me any good...i actually got into a conversation with my better half in which she told me that she was tired of the constant self-abuse that i put myself through.

  i have been df'd for a long time and i have had time to get used to the fact that if my family ever wants to have contact with me it will be if they give up their religious beliefs..i can no longer allow the anger to eat at me...it isnt doing anything good for me.

  i dont want to be angry anymore.... blind rage controls.

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  zanex

  animal: LOL I like that...

  bikerchic: I have had quite a few of those "light bulb moments" recently, as you so eloquently phrased it. (I liked that btw) Yah there is nothing wrong with that...and damn if it doesnt feel good being able to say that and mean it. (sheepish grin)
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  9

  zanex retires

  by zanex in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  his anger...i think that i have gotten to a point where all the anger that i have been holding onto for all of these years is not doing me any good...i actually got into a conversation with my better half in which she told me that she was tired of the constant self-abuse that i put myself through.

  i have been df'd for a long time and i have had time to get used to the fact that if my family ever wants to have contact with me it will be if they give up their religious beliefs..i can no longer allow the anger to eat at me...it isnt doing anything good for me.

  i dont want to be angry anymore.... blind rage controls.

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  zanex

  pettygrudger: thanx..I dont have any expectations that my parents will ever be back in my life like I woulld lilke them to be but it isnt going to stop me from moving on myself. :) I just had to get a hard thwack on the side of the head and it made me see some things that I hadnt seen before.

  bikerchic: I'll have to check out that book..I hadnt heard of it before but the title does sound like something interesting. I will definitely check into it. I find that I express my thoughts/feelings better in poetry form..not sure why but it seems to work. Thanks for the compliment! I really HAD gotten to that point where I was/am fed up with all the stupid crap that was doing nothing but holding me back. It is easier now too...the last 2 mornings I have woken up and felt HAPPY...I liked myself more than I had ever before. I had thought for so long that just because I was not in the borg anymore that they had no more control over me, but the truth of the matter is that since I got "disfellowshipped" I had thought of myself as a bad person...damn brainwashing...:) Anyway...thanx again..
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  9

  zanex retires

  by zanex in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  his anger...i think that i have gotten to a point where all the anger that i have been holding onto for all of these years is not doing me any good...i actually got into a conversation with my better half in which she told me that she was tired of the constant self-abuse that i put myself through.

  i have been df'd for a long time and i have had time to get used to the fact that if my family ever wants to have contact with me it will be if they give up their religious beliefs..i can no longer allow the anger to eat at me...it isnt doing anything good for me.

  i dont want to be angry anymore.... blind rage controls.

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• 

  zanex

  his anger...I think that I have gotten to a point where all the anger that I have been holding onto for all of these years is not doing me any good...I actually got into a conversation with my better half in which she told me that she was tired of the constant self-abuse that I put myself through. I have been df'd for a long time and I have had time to get used to the fact that if my family ever wants to have contact with me it will be if they give up their religious beliefs..I can no longer allow the anger to eat at me...it isnt doing anything good for me. I dont want to be angry anymore...

  blind rage controls

  animosity kills

  I no longer want either

  to do as they will

  I am free from my chains

  free from the pains

  I need to give life a chance

  no more hateful rain

  for so long I fed off of the malice

  feasted on emotional scars

  no more...

  I am bringing down my cage, breaking the bars

  I need to release

  the grief

  put to peace

  the beast

  -Z-
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  11

  Santa Fe, NM

  by zanex in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  anyone here from the santa fe nm area?

  doubt it but worth a shot..lol...wud be from the years of 89,90-2001,2002 i was in the santa fe south cong...

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  zanex

  I am recovering more and more the less I think about those dayz...I have a fairly good life now an those days have long since passed...I still have the residual anger and those days where I hit a patch of memory that hurts but for the most part I am doing good...I partied with zeke a whole lot..he moved to arizona for a while and I partied with him and caleb there...I havent seen him in so long...hope he is ok..pleasure to make yer acquaintence...
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  63

  (((Joy2Bfree))), I'm sorry

  by WildTurkey in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey joy, im very sorry for the pain you are going through, because the lose of your father.

  i also know you had to deal with the borg world again and i know that was hard to deal with.

  i really dont have the words just want you to know i care.

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  zanex

  joy: my deepest condolences...yah those doctor-bashing, blood opposing, heartless, ignorant jws can hurt deepest when it is a loved one that is in question...(gives shoulder to cry on)
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  21

  What Makes You Enjoy Your Life?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  someone that i know well because of my business, suddenly died, while on vacation.

  i talked to his wife yesterday.

  she told me that her husband's view of life was that he wanted to enjoy life every day and that when he did die, he wanted to die in his favorite vacation spot, aruba.

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  zanex

  my daughter's smile...

  a good book...

  the thought that someday the wtbts will become defunct...
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  7

  JWs are broken souls

  by Introspection in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i heard this from a friend of mine once, this is how he described an elder i used to be roommates with.

  i went to court for jury duty yesterday, and lo and behold there was a witness sitting in front of me, reading the new book on isaiah or whatever it was - and there i was behind him reading steven hassan's combating cult mind control.

  (oh the irony - if only i had a pic) .

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  zanex

  intro: I always like yer posts...they really make the wheels start spinnin in my own mind...the idea of "being" in spite of ones religious preference is something that jws are taught to rebut, we ARE the product of the religion that we are/were in, that is what the wtbts wanted from us. When we are ripped of that religion then all that we have in life becomes null and void...it is a hard transition from going from having ones whole life revolve around religious ideas then to have those religious ideas jerked out from under. Losing all of ones friends/family doesnt help either. A lot of times what happens or what happened to me is that big hole that is left from the religous ripping is filled with anger. Having nothing left, I think would almost be safer than having that anger. Course I dont really know.