Topics Started by zanex
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6personal rant..
by zanex ini received a rather pointed reminder that the co's visit is more important than family that has been gone for a long time and is only around for a brief time...but oh no..cant miss out on the co visit..eventho he says the same thing every year and does the same friggin thing every year...sigh.... i am trying to get past a lot of the old feelings...but i am reminded of the power that the wt has upon its followers...sigh.
some things got easier when dad died...and some things got harder...anyhow....i bet that the co's visit is the same droll waste of gas going to the meetings with revitalized gusto or desperately wishing to be in the same car group with the co...what a waste...but my family gets somethin out of it.... i however am doing quite good...it just pains me a bit to see two of the most important people in my life be led around by the nose by a flawed system that makes them act the way they do...nyhow.... -z-.
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January 27th 2008
by zanex instarted out like any other normal day..with plans to go to taos with my girlfriend and a good buddy o mine (wlg) sorry mang...had to give u some recognition on this one...anyhow..we went out to a nice place for some breakfast..wandered around taos, went to the taos pueblos to get a chance to watch the native americans dance at the taos pueblo...then we went out to the taos gorge..which for those who dont know is a quite big hole in the ground bout a mile down...the bridge is somewhat a daunting look down for ones who have never seen it before.... anyhow...my girlfriend at first refused to step one foot out onto the bridge but with a little coaxing and a promise to make sure she wouldnt fall off i gradually brought her out to the middle of the bridge where there is a small outcropping where one can stand and look out over the gorge...we stood there staring over the side of the bridge for a few minutes then i slowly took her hand in mine and looked deep into her eyes.... ....and i dropped to one knee....(quite funny too cuz initially she was like what are you doing?
)....i still had her hand in mine and she was staring down at me like i was doing something silly or humorous like is my usual personality trait...i stared at her for a minute or two and said a few sentances of which are too personal to bring up here and then i asked her to marry me..... she looked at me and said "what?!
are you kidding me?!
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Zanex Moving!!!
by zanex inwell folks...its been a good run in california and all but its time for me to depart...so in like 2 and a half weeks round the 25 th i will be packing my shite in the car and me and my buddy (who quit his job in nm, drove all the way out to cali to get me and is moving with me) adn we are drivin cross country from one coast (cali) to the other...(nyc) im still kind of in shock bout this whole thing but for some strange odd reason it feels right.... im gonna stop in nm briefly to see my traumatized mother, she is still reeling from my fathers untimely demise (course so am i), will be there a day or two before getting back in the car to nyc...my company has transferred me to the manhattan office to work so least i have a job.
will be staying with one of my buddys friends for a day or so...i have a thot that the company mite just put me up in a hotel for a while til i get settled...so its nyc for me!
i have a somewhat optimistic outlook stemming from the recent contact with my mother...almost weekly...granted the contact has been strained and it gets very emotional for both of us..her asking me questions that i dont want to answer adn the first time i do she sinks into depression...its been challenging...im still in and out of tears on somewhat of a regular basis...not takin any brain candy tho...now its just my name on this board...(as a reminder more than anything else i suppose) .
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11
insanity...good grief!!!
by zanex inok...so i got an email from my mother...one of several i have received from her since my fathers untimely demise, and she seems to be trying to talk to me in a "mother" way....anyhow...so i missed the memorial of his death that was surrounded by over 300 people at just the first of two memorials.
good grief!
anyhow...this email she sent me is of the program that was used that day...page one and two were just jw infested scrips and some blips that actualy half sounded like my father could have said them.... anyhow..the whole freakin reason for this is that i have spent a long many years writing poetry and a bunch of shtuff in general and for years i never knew where i had gotten my love of the pen from and page 3 of the memorial program explained it in the flash of an instant...unfortunately it filled me with a lot of pain as well...that man could write...this is an original work written by my dad....damn him for keeping this from me.... a moment of reflection is like a blossom in the twilight of spring, or like 'an early leaf's flower but only so an hour.
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talked to my parents last nite...
by zanex inin the vain hope that maybe...just maybe things would be better...or at least somewhat improved...i was wrong.
i was told about the al gore dvd that talks about how bad the world is and when i tried to say i didnt want to think about how bad the world is and rather think of ways to improve it they showed me a book about "how to deal with emotions" or something like that...i kind of tuned out right about then.
i talked about my job and my dad said, "see!
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havent seen much poetry lately...
by zanex inand my parents have been very painfully been intruding into my life from a very jw angle lately and it doesnt help that i work with a buttload of other jws that happen to know my parents and see them fairly regularly...nevermind that they dont bother to tell me that they are coming into town but they tell a whole lot of jws who i happen to work with...i happen to be in a fairly heavily jw emplyd field...language translation.
anyway...make a long story short i sat down in front of my laptop after an excruciating evening of work and this came out of my fingers....i felt like the only place it cud be understood is here..... living in the past.
mind wallowing in self defeat.
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So I just moved into my new place...
by zanex inme and the future mrs zanex finally got our own place together and it has been great...been here now two weeks and only in town for 3 days out of the week..the new job i am in puts me and the sig other in a hotel so between the hotel for 3 days a week for the wast 4 months and the new place the last two weeks everything has been going great!
this last week we get back to our place and lo and behold there is a freakin tract of some sort inviting me to an assembly in bakersfield!
lol...knew my happiness couldnt last without some sort of "home invasion" by the local witnesses...lol.
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Life Update
by zanex inok..well i havent done one of these "life updates" in some time but i just relaized the other day that the only time i post on here is when something bad or something that triggers a bad memory hapens.
i dont think that i want this to be only reason...i have read others on this board trying to celebrate the advancement and happiness of life post df'edness.
life is just that right now-beautiful.
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funny coincidence
by zanex inahhh as the dreaded holiday nisan 14 swiftly approaches i chuckle as it also nears my birthday which happens to fall on the 12th of april...ahhh feels great sharing my most unjw of holidays with the most jw of their holidays...lol.
i think back to all those years of going to that stupid meeting and laugh now...wonder if i should find a kingdom hall, walk in quietly and kind of undercover and when it comes time to sing their "melodies' break into a loud rousing chorus of happy birthday to me!
that would be classic...sigh.
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