Many ex-JWs still carry a lot of negative emotions from their life as a Dub. For them, differentiating between JWs and the JW religion can be hard.
I had forgotten that not everyone here knows that. The blunt fact is that for many dubs, there IS no difference between them and their religion. That's why it hurts so freaking bad. That's why we're all half mad and lash out at different targets. I know for a deep inner truth that most of my rage is directed at my helplessness throughout the JC / reinstatement attempt fiasco. How three men who didn't know me could ruin my life, take away my friends, ignore my letters... all over nothing. Hence my deep and abiding rage; especially at those who just won't listen... I can't see my experience as being THAT atypical. In fact, I know it isn't. Hmm.. odd place to suddenly understand a huge part of myself; but I guess that's what this board is for. My loathing for what I think are meaningless rules, my detestation of those I consider disloyal to my nation, my longing for purity of emotion.
Do you know that from my JC until just recently I was unable to cry. Not just not sad, physically and totally unable to cry? Even under distress. Couldn't do it. Can't heal if you can't cry... weird... baby steps, baby steps...
CZAR